Future MIL being childish...

Lifestyle Relationships
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Yep, another MIL thread.

So I’ve washed my hands of my fiancee’s mother. Basically the first meeting was supposed to be in December and only his dad showed up and gave his blessings. The second meeting was supposed to be last Sunday (that she agreed to) and magically 30 mins before they were supposed to come she came down with “blood pressure issues”. Right. She didn’t call to say I’m sorry or anything, not one word, she basically made her son relay the message to my parents yet again. After they had cooked, cleaned and cancelled other plans for this woman.

So now I’m fed up. I’ve heard of mothers acting like this but never to this extent… To the point where it’s been 6 years and she absolutely REFUSES to meet me or my family. Apparently her reason is that she’s mad at her son for making this decision without consulting her, but he has consulted her many times and has always been met with a “No, never. She’s Pakistani”.

So the engagement party is in May and we have yet to see her. I don’t even know if she’ll come and quite frankly I couldn’t care less because she’s driving her oldest son away with her antics. He says, she said she’ll come but she won’t be involved (good riddance) because I don’t even think I have in my heart to be nice to this woman who basically judged me and my family before even meeting us.

So I’m not sure what to do. I’ve told him, him and his dad should start telling people and inviting whomever they want to the mangni and I need a finalized guest list by April. He should also tell her a venue’s been set and that he has a ring because I think her thing is she keeps behaving like an ******* (yes I said it, that’s what she’s being) that my parents will just tell me to leave him, but my parents are fed up with her as well so they don’t care.

So basically yeah I’m ranting. she doesn’t deserve ANY courtesy in my eyes given the lack of respect and disdain she’s shown me and my family all because we’re Pakistani.

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

Um you obviously do care and you haven't completely washed you hands of her.....otherwise you wouldnt have created this thread.

My cousin had a love marriage and her husband's mom didnt attend the engagement or the wedding....or maybe it was just the engagement. The dad and siblings were supportive, but the mom chose not to be involved in her children's lives. They had a beautiful wedding and three kids later, they're still together, MA. If you have a supportive and fair-minded partner, you're in a much better situation than many women who have husbands with "mommy can do no wrong and unlike other imperfect immortals is devoid of vices like insecurity/jealousy,pettiness, etc" syndrome.

This reminds me of that FRIENDS episode where Monica finds out that Rachel's mom doesn't like her and she she just can't get over it and goes to great lengths to gain Mrs. Green's favor. You MIL may come to like you better in the future or she may not. Just let it go and continue to be good to her (don't bend over backwards) because you know it's the right thing to do and to preserve your relationship with your fiance/husband...and don't have expectations of her....do it to strengthen you marriage.

As for your fear that our parents will eventually refuse the rishta altogether.........well you're unintentionally playing a role in that fear becoming a reality. Fear and worry can be contagious....especially with parents who are already super protective of their kids to begin with. When you complain/vent/rant to your parents about your fiance's mother....that stress rubs off on them and they think "our daughter can't handle her MIL right now, so she'll struggle even more in her marriage".....and this might make them say "no" to the rishta. IF you're absolutely sure you wanna marry this guy and no one else.....then you'll have to exercise greater patience. By all means, share with your family...but be careful with how much you complain...cuz that can sometimes have unfavorable consequences as well.

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

Been there, done that! My dad and his dad had met once somewhere outside, just casually, nothing about the rishta. My MIL was supposed to meet my mom ON the day of the wedding bcoz she never even sent the rishta and told her son to proceed with everything. So, my husband (25 at that time) had to do everything, going from talking to my parents and coming to the wedding. We were getting married in Pak. Hubby was supposed to come with his family from here. 2 days before the wedding, MILs passport was magically lost? She didn't come! SIL was pregnant (3rd month) and said she can't coz she's pregnant. BIL (who was 16) was already in Pak doing some courses. So, basically, only FIL came with hubby and BIL (who was already there).

I came back and was told there was gonna be a walima in the U.S.....not! I came back 10 days after my wedding. MIL left to Pak 3 days after I came back....for 4 months, just because! God knows where she found the passport now! After she came back, she said she said it's "too late" for a walima.....even though my hubby was planning one and was gonna pay for it too. So, I never had a walima. I've been married for about 5 yrs now, and still living in h*ll. I wish all the evil MILs would change already, it's getting too frustrating, seriously!!!

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Re: Future MIL being childish…

OMG…another MIL thread! :frowning: lagtaa hai koii achchhii saas ab bachii hii nahiiN jo har bahoo burii saasoN ke hatthe chaRh rahii haiN :frowning: :smiley:

lagtaa hai yeh bhii “SATI” kaa koii nayaa tareeqa iijaad kiyaa hai saasoN ne! :cb:

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

All women complaining MIL issues will behave exactly like their own MILs in future. That's the irony

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

Thank you. This post made me feel a lot better. I really do need to exercise patience with the situation and it's not so much that it bothers me if MIL doesn't show up, it'll bother my mom because she'll feel like she has to explain everything to her family. My dad's a different story, he tells it like it is to everyone, my mom sugar coats. I do feel really bad for my fiancee, because he feels like he's such a failure in everyone's eyes but my dad keep reassuring him that you can't make her do anything so just leave her be.

I didn't really open this thread up to complain as much as to hear about others who've been through the same issue with either parents or both parents not attending the wedding to put my mind at ease. Even though it sounds like complaining LOL. The good thing is his dad, brother, his mom's sisters and cousins from this mother's side are all happy with it, even his nani who's living with them is fine.

BusyBee... Ha! Sounds exactly like my situation, except we're doing one big reception vs a reception and valima because I know I ain't getting a Valima.

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Re: Future MIL being childish…

Nope. Not me. I would never stop my children from marrying someone of a different culture, religion, background, etc. especially someone they love. I’d also tell my kids to get out after getting married and not insist they live with me :halo:.

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

Terebina: After the wedding, will you and hubby live separately? If so then how far away (as in do they live in a different city?) Or are you moving in with the in-laws?

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

YES! YES! YES! LOL... in the same city, maybe about 20-30 mins apart driving.

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Future MIL being childish...

Where is your husband from that your MIL is so against Pakistanis or him marrying one? Is there a big cultural difference?

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Future MIL being childish...

And it's nice that he's feeling support from your dad, I'm sure hell appreciate you more for that. :)

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

He's Bengali... But my mom is also half Bengali and half her brothers and sisters are Bengali.

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Re: Future MIL being childish…

Only the time will tell…

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Re: Future MIL being childish...

good luck with everything! i cant imagine how she will react and treat you AFTER the marriage :/

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Re: Future MIL being childish…

so if only time will tell then why make such a confident and bold statement?

:rolleyes: