Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
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Gloria Steinem
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
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Carrie Snow
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
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Unknown
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.
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Mickey Rooney
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
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Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002)
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
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Helen Rowland
My husband and I didn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
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Roseanne Barr
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Rita Rudner
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
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Anonymous
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Johnny Carson
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.
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Molly McGee