Funny Asians
**You know you are asian when..
**
- Your house smells like fried onions.
- When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
- There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
- You make tea in a saucepan.
- You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
- You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
- You have a ‘Singer Brother’ sewing machine at home.
- Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn’t talk to her for ten years.
- You call an older person you’ve never met before “uncle”.
- You hide everything from your parents.
- Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
- You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
- Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
- Everyone is a family friend.
- Everyone always called you for help on homework.
- You study law, medicine or engineering at university.
- You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.
- You know no one who has studied music.
- You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
- You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
- Your best friend got married at the age of 18.
- You only make telephone calls after 6pm.
- You like the meat well done.
- You eat onions with everything.
- You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
- You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
- You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.
- You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
- You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you’re with but the waiters don’t understand you.
- You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
- You always say “open the light” instead of “turn the light on”.
- You secure your baggage with a rope.
- You’re walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
- You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
- You go back to your parents’ country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
- You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
- Your Dad drives a Nissan.
- You’re rich so he drives a Mercedes.
- (For females) You’re parents would freak out if
you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm
- You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go
- When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning
- To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid
- You wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other
- Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names
- You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku
- Your parents call all your friends “Beta” (son) whether they are PAK or not
- Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
- Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
- Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they’re not fighting.
- Your parents compare you to all of their friends’ kids.
- At least once a week your mom says, “I want to go to India/Pakistan”
- No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
- Your parents worry what other people will think if you’re not going to be a doctor/ lawyer/ engineer.
- You’re parent’s always say, "It’s cheaper in India/Pakistan
Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm