**‘Martha Stewart’ Mom
**Cynthia: She’s the mom who never misses a bake sale. Every delicious organic homemade goody is perfectly packaged with a ribbon and some sort of origami creation that coincides with the season. She knits all the doilies that serve as a stage for her hand-painted gourd and pinecone holiday centerpiece. Her home looks like the Queen of England’s summer cottage with various gold leaf-sponging techniques adorning all the walls. She makes every other mom she comes in contact with feel inferior in every way. If you are this woman, you’ll never realize it. The Martha Stewart Mom is a perfectionist, although as good as she looks on the outside, she feels that she’s not even good enough for herself.
**‘The Sky is Falling’ Couple
**T: These parents live in a constant state of freaking out. Danger lurks around every corner. Every move their kid makes is guaranteed to end in disaster. These parents are haunted by potential visits to the emergency room, screaming, crying and stitches. I love watching these parents, especially at the park. There are no outlet covers or locked cabinets. It is just their kid and the terrifying jungle gym. The reality is you not only can’t control everything, you can’t control most things. You know how a kid ultimately learns not to fall out of a bed? By falling out of a bed.
**‘My Child is Gifted’ Mom
**C: This is the mom who shows up at every parenting event she can find. She is the first one to raise her hand before
any questions are even asked to inquire how this might affect her child who is advanced in every way. You’ve heard them Every sentence begins with “My child is gifted so…” “My child is gifted so he shouldn’t have to do the regular homework as it bores him.” “My child is gifted so when he eats paste he’s just outwardly expressing his inner artistic brilliance.” What she is really saying is, “I gave birth to a genius so what does that make me?” Answer:
Intolerable.
‘I’ve Given Up on Myself’ Mom
C: It’s not that I blame this mom. I understand how the arrival of a child can completely change things. But some moms go a little too far and completely forget that they are a wife, a woman, a sex goddess and just become 100% mom. If the only new clothes you’ve bought since the baby are five pairs of matching sweat pants and one pair of Wal-Mart jeans it’s time to look in the mirror and remember who you were in 1986. Of course you may not fit into any of these categories. You may be the one person who is truly unique. Congratulations, but don’t expect to be asked to eat at the same table with the cool kids.
, or a bit of all…