Funerals

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Funerals

My family does a barsi for the one year. A gathering memorial at our masjid with close family and friends who knew the deceased and then we go to the grave yard for Fateha. We also hold a small Fateha with the family on the daswa and a memorial at the masjid on the chalicewa. My MIL passed away in Ramadan so we sponsor an Iftar at the masjid in her name on her anniversary date for Fateha

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Re: Funerals

It’s usually Kabuli pulao, although other types of pulao are common too. Here’s what I meant by bolani:


It’s rather like a savoury turnover that can be filled with a variety of things.

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no mantu or ashak? :eek:

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^Those are quite common as well but can be rather irritating to prepare for a large gathering though.

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It is called Barsi, then there is month of Shraadh, where all ancestor are thanked for, not against it, but don’t know, what difference does it make it to dead one :confused:

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Well off topic I'm not a hyderabadi but I like Hyderabi biryani with khattic mirch and bhagare baingan along with my fav khobani ka meetha.

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all these customs are basically for living one and not the dead one, most of the times.

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But that doesn't form part of fateha food IMO. :)

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I'm under an impression that it's probably a tradition in Urdu Speaking community. In our Punjabi culture, it'd be considered pretty disrespectful to serve Biryani at funerals since it is a dish that's commonly associated with weddings and happy occasion catering. We normally do Pilao, basic chicken curry with naan or something like that. Also, I believe it's pretty common for a third party to arrange, provide and cover the cost of food for funerals, as an of solidarity and a good will gesture towards the grieving family.

I have nothing against observing anniversaries with Quran Khanis, in fact I really appreciate our family tradition of doing the whole daigh thing to feed the poor.

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Same is true for Sindhi community. Biryani is traditionally big No for occasions like funerals. Its aaloo pulao aur channa pulao. People still do niyaz of chana pulao on yum e aashor in Sindh. But I think Biryani is not the traditional Sindhi or Punjabi thing. Sindhi Biryani is a recently developed misnomer.

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Unfortunately, this is what served in soyam, daswan, chalesan, teja, etc...

I also feel bad... Biryani should not keep in sad events like death.

In our family, close relative do all arrangement of food and feed first three day to everyone. Family member of deceased person are not responsible of food.

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I recently went to a friend's place for afsoos. I went the day after the burial. The family had arranged for Quran Khwani. However I was really surprised to see that they had catered a full 4-course meal including meetha. There was biryani, chicken roast, haleem, channay, kheer, roghni naan etc. The family was planning the next day (soyem) meal and there was a debate about gaajar halwa or jalebi being served.

In my family, we do fatiha and degi rice or daal with naan or roti...Pretty similar to what jolie described. My dad is against observing daswan, chaaliswan and so on but it has happened due to pressure from the elders.
We don't do anything extravagant or showy on death anniversary. But my parents try to finish Quran and we pray as a family for aesaal e sawaab.

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I also saw one of my friend distributing invitations of chaleeswan of his relative died in Sindh.

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wadere ka beta?

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Agree, although my family does all this except me

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No he's an ordinary guy and it's his uncle's father chaaleeswaan.

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strange to the extent of card distribution. Otherwise, somehow these daawat (for chaleeswan and barsi) are not different than walima in some cases. Full course menu and in some cases people does so to show off or out of compulsion 'log kia kahen ge'. When my dadi passed away some 10-12 years back, there was a grand daawat (khairaat ka khana) around 40 degs (and yes, we are not landlords of the area). My uncles wanted same for chaleeswan but my dada who is a devbandi denied them for such extravagance. After this incident, many peopel in our community start saying 'ye log to wahabi hain... challeswen ka khana bhi nahin karte'.

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I was also amazed too when I asked him what are these invitations for and chaliswaan was in Sindh but the invitations was even distributed to their known people in Karachi like it's was a grand wedding. tauba tauba It's not like our family doesn't do this but to such extent is really surprising.

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I agree and I would like to see people follow the simple rule of thumb: the dishes that are mainly served at weddings and happy occasions, should not be served at sad occasions funeral and anniversaries. It just looks totally wrong on so many levels.

Most basic act of doing *mehmaan nawaazi *has turned into an opportunity to show off.

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certain religious quarters also encourages people to go for extravagance. People take debts to meet such requirements. There is this every Jumaraat fatehahani program for around 10-20 weeks after the death of family member followed in our relatives, which is followed by full course menus. Half sent to madarsa and half served to guests.

Oh and its just not limited to food, a lady who completes her iddat is supposed to be provided new suits from her mayka. I think its positive act to bring someone back to life, but again there always remains an element of show-off and practicing this out of compulsion (na dia to log kia kahenge).

Ladies who give ghusal to to deceased person (ladies), normally demand for the gold ear-rings / nose-pins that were worn by the deceased. One of such lady (we used to call her Qaziyani as she was married to a nikahkhwan Qazi) was given our dadi’s phulli (a nose-pin type zevar) as per dadi’s will. These ladies are also provided bed-sheets, ralli of the deceased, as people consider it as odd to use deceased things :smack: The ultimate destination such stuff is again same households who otherwise allergic of such stuff related to deceased. This lady used to sale all rallis, etc to other ladies and those ladies sale them to genral public keeping their margin.

One more stupid thing that I seen followed in my family, ladies (including first second cousins of deceased) stop using henna for around a year. My phuppi did so for a year after death of my dadi. She even didn’t use hair oil. You can’t fix a wedding for one year, if there is a death in family. One of my cousin had to wait for almost 5 years, as each year there was either a death in his family or his wife’s family.

My Khaloo passed away last ramadan and Khala observed Iddat for 4 months (prescribed period). Lately, she attended a Milad in Rabi ul Awwal, but her jethani didn’t go due to one year limit of not attending any ceremonies. When she knew that Khala visited the Milad, she complained to Naani and naani scolded Khala for this :bummer: So much complexities :smack2: