My criticisms are rooted in feelings of love for Pakistan. They should not be confused with hate or resentment. I’ve only been in Pakistan for a week. I’ve already developed some strong feelings, some good, some bad. Unfortunately, most of this essay deals with the ‘bad’. I’m afraid that I may be drawing broad conclusions based on generalized events and observations. At any rate, this only reflects how I feel at this very moment, and it may (probably will) change.
“Without modesty, we could not have, nor rightly value at its true worth, that bold and pure candor which is at once the final revelation of love and the seal of its sincerity.” Havelock Ellis
Pakistanis lack modesty. This three word sentence is actually used by Pakistanis to comment about those ‘others’, those living outside, those living in what they perceive to be an environment of complete and utter shame. Pakistanis often question how these ‘others’ can live and raise their children in such conditions. Conditions which to the best of their understanding lack ‘modesty’. Where both men and women can walk about freely, wear whatever they wish or nothing at all, see whomever they please without the necessary veil of ‘modesty’ which seems to be a necessary constituent for the healthy functioning of an ‘Islamic’ society.
A paradox appears so transparent in Pakistani culture, morals and ‘way of life’ that its astonishing how many Pakistanis look beyond it and see it necessary to criticize the ‘other’. Pakistani’s have no shame. Pakistanis have replaced modesty with a perverted sense of values.
A cab driver in a dirty street where my mom was raised, in Rawalpindi, picked us up a few years ago. He stared at my mother inquisitively. After boarding his taxi he told my mom she looked familiar to him. My mom out of concern for her safety said she didn’t know him and told him he must be confusing her with someone else. He asked if she lived in the neighborhood and she said yes. They than went on to discuss the loss of innocence and security in Pakistan, a loss that was recent and had offered a debilitating blow to conditions of the past. Conditions, which encouraged respect and love. Pakistan and its inhabitants are quickly becoming devoid of virtues of respect and love. Virtues embedded in the rather simple concept of modesty.
Pakistanis today value ‘individualism’ and the pursuit of material riches over anything other. The dollar bill has taken the place of the generosity and simplicity which was once offered to fellow humans in light of a strong spiritual and cultural tradition well known to those who had traveled and touched the region. Pakistanis teach their children these values. They teach their children to respect above all the ‘dollar’ bill. They teach them the necessity of division at an early age. Pakistani children know who to respect and who to offer no respect to. The downtrodden, the impoverished, the poor, the beggar, the servant, the slave, these are all individuals who are worthy of no respect, rather disrespect, for they have not carved a niche for themselves in society worthy of recognition.
So we have Pakistanis teaching their children to follow the dream of the dollar bill. We suck the creative juices out of our children and we encourage them to pursue promising careers which will not only bring in a wealth of ‘dollar’ bills but will also grant boasting rights. Because in the immodest environment in which Pakistanis are brought up, being able to boast about your material possessions, your professional status, your connections with the elite, become the most valuable weapon you have. Modesty is a virtue lost.
These values become instilled in our children. As they grow older they learn that they must ‘choose’ a mate with the divisions in mind, with the class, ethnic, religious borders drawn. They must ‘choose’ a mate who is not only within these narrow borders, but whose family also can ‘boast’ of great material possessions, professional status, and connections with the elite. Both sides than engage in a game, often even resorting to lies to win the other over. Being immodest, lying about your wealth becomes commonplace.
Children are taught to ‘disrespect’ and cheat. This they are told will make them hard and strong and better able to cope with the harsh realities of life in Pakistan. In this respect, those simple people who work hard for their money, the laborers of Pakistan, become the target of attacks. They are chastised for their insubordination, their inability to meet the demands of the immodest. They are chastised often for the most innocuous of actions, in-deliberate mistakes we all make, but when made in presence of the immodest become an inexcusable sin.
The extended family which is the hallmark of so many Asian societies is little more than a farce in Pakistan. For in Pakistan, in their classic immodest behavior, children fight with their parents and their siblings over the ‘dollar’ bill, over inheritance, over rights to materials. They are willing to disrupt their social ties, ties which stretch over years and years and include fond memories. They are willing to disrupt these ties and replace them with material gain. Gain which will help them attain that ultimate ‘nirvana’ for Pakistanis, that ultimate boasting right, which is so important in this land of immodesty.
On my brother’s flight to Pakistan he sat in a plane chalk full of ‘immodest’ Pakistanis who were visiting Britain, ironically paying respects to the British Raj. Almost all of those in the plane, excluding the infamous ‘others’, those strange breeds of Pakistanis born outside of their parent’s native land, were drinking their liquor. Have they no shame, my brother asked. Have they no shame, not because they drink, but because of their mentality. Their ability to criticize the ‘other’ while engaging in the behavior they criticize in support of their ambitions to out do their neighbors in the race of immodesty.
I find this society peculiar. Peculiar because I am one of those ‘others’ from outside. I can see certain redeemable values in those who occupy the lower classes of Pakistan, but I do not see any redeemable qualities in those who occupy the middle and upper classes. Maybe I’m being harsh. But it seems almost as though the values so often associated with the corrupt incestuous leadership of Pakistan have trickled down and found their way into the lives of Pakistanis and soon will even penetrate the lower echelon’s of society. Its at that point perhaps that Pakistanis will have to re-evaluate their institutions, their values, their way of life, which will have degenerated into something in complete contrast to what Pakistan’s founders had envisioned.
This lost modesty has successfully contributed to the debasement of values in Pakistan. It has contributed to every ill this society harbors. What a shame!
Achtung 
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“Where is the hope, where is the faith, where is the love. What’s that you say, there’s love?” U2
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