I am sure You will all Forgive me for Posting someone’s Else Poem on Shora-e-GS… But… As its From a GUPPY tou… Posting here… (Qanoon maiN thoRi Relexation honi Chahye )
I am sure… You will Appreciate Her Effort…
ChaaroN taraf… Yeh bey-sukoon si khamoshi aur bey-chain si tariiki Jaisey arsh pey basta har taara
***bil-aakhir toot kar *** apni siyaahiyoN key nishaaN chor gaya ho Jaisey woh jalta hua chaand bhi Kisi ki raah taktey taktey bujh gaya ho Issi sukoot key taley dabb key Maut bhi marr gayi ho jaisey San’naatoN key saayoN taley Jab kabhi beth kar sochoon To… Mere kaanon mein kuch bey-hiss si awaazein goonjti hain Jaisey koi mujhey zindagi key us taraf bula raha ho Apney paas.. Apney bahut qareeb!!! (By…KhamoshNigahein)
Well, I wonder why she did not post it herself? It’s a beautiful beautiful piece with lots of maturity, flow and most of all, imagination. Keep it up KhamoshNigahein, and hope to see more from you
And all of this time we did not know what we have in us. :) Dont be so shy, this is a beautiful piece of poetry I have read in a long time. You have expressed yourself in such a way that I can feel the pain in it. I especially like the analogy of "tara toot ker apni siyaahiyoN key nishaaN chor gaya ho" Excellent! What else can I say to have you share your stuff even more. I really would love to see more from you.
BTW I am trying to understand the use of word "bey-hiss" in the line "Mere kaanon mein kuch bey-hiss si awaazein goonjti hain" Do you mean that they are bey-hiss awwazien because they dont have the power to make you go to the other side of the zindagee and they are failed to ignite the emotions which can lead you close to some one? Doosrey lafzoon mein ager pukaar mein jaan ho tu aaap caller key paas challi jayien? am I geting it right?
Amal: Thank you so much… Actually it was supposed to be posted without my name.. par GS bhai apni harkatoN sey baaz nahin aye…
chodhry: You picked exactly the word I was insecure about… Read “bey-hiss” in the meaning of insensitive… Just didn’t know what other word to use for… As Amal already said, there’s loads of imagination in it. Same goes for this line. Mere kaanoN meiN woh awaazeiN goonjti to haiN, but they’re just a part of my imagination and do not exist for real… Well.. it’s difficult to explain, but if you’re still not getting it.. I’ll give it another try. Thank you for liking though… and it wasn’t that good jitna key aap logoN ney bana diya hai
Obviuosly, its part of imagination. but bey-hiss abhi bhi sahih terhah sey nahien beith rha. if you know who's calling in your imagination aur wo awaazain aur lahja waisa hey jeisa tum real life mein sun-ney ki aadee thein kabhi ya ho ya us ka haqeeqat sey tu taluq nahien per phir bhi apnayat hey un awaazoon mein tu shayed "manoos" zyaada behter lagey.
"Mere kaanon mein kuch maanoos si
awaazein goonjti hain"
khair it's just my opinion. You have all the rights not to take it seriously and leave it as it is. :)
Woh kya hai key.. ager “manoos” ka matlab dekh key choose kiya jaye to zyada bethta hai… Lekin parhney mein mujhey abhi bhi “bey-hiss” zyada acha lagta hai… I do no agree with chodhry sahab for 100%, lekin don’t disagree either.. So issi liye… I am letting it the way it is, but do have in mind what chodhry sahab said
maiN ne aap kii ye Ghazal shaayad pahle hii dekh lii thii, lekin is par apnii raae na de sakaa. aaj nazar paRii to sochaa ye farz adaa kartaa chaluuN. baRii dilkash aur achhutii Ghazal hai. mubaarak ho! :)
KhamoshNigahoon ka tasswar hai suhana
har lafaz main dikhta koi dard purana
unwaan to koi nahi lakin hai kahani
lagta hai ye likha hai koi gham ka fasana.
Fasana ho gham ka ya ho nayi kahani
Chupatey hain sab sey hum aankhon ka paani
Woh samajh na paaya khamosh nigahon ko
Kehtey hain us sey yeh baat zubaani
If the last verse that you posted in responce to Daddu’s verse is yours, my hats off to the genius in you. It really is a wonderful expression. Jo aankhon ke paanee ko na samajh paye usay zubanee baat batana is the only choice left. Though it kills the classicism of the relationship yet to get over with possible losses attached with it, one has to let things be visible somehow.
Now to the poem jo ke is thread kee zeenat hai. Buhat achee kahoon to na-munasib hoga magar ahbaab-e shuaraa mein yahee ik lafz hai ke jis se daad dee jaatee hai. Infact it is a wonderful poem and the usage of words in it is very convincing coupled with the beauty of expression jo ke aap kee likhe hue har sentence mein mein ne payee hai. “Be-hiss” and the concerned discussion on it is quite interesting. Chodhri’s point of view is classy and your agreeing to it tells us that there still are times that creative criticism is being taken as such and one can re-define one’s already used words to accomodate rightful interventions of the readers. Bravo.
Like all others have said, I do look forward to see your imaginative poetry here more regularly and through your self initiated threads in the times to come.
Capricorn: Yup, last verse was my own as well... Aankhon key paani ko har koi nahin samajh paata, issi liye zubaani kehdena aakhri chaara hota hai. Aapney to mere khayaal sey kuch zyada hi tareef kardi.. It was not that good, atleast it wasn't any better of what I have read of your work :-) You just made me speechless, which isn't the first time.. Thank you so much for everything.. :-)
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Read “bey-hiss” in the meaning of insensitive… Just didn’t know what other word to use for… As Amal already said, there’s loads of imagination in it. Same goes for this line. Mere kaanoN meiN woh awaazeiN goonjti to haiN, but they’re just a part of my imagination and do not exist for real… Well.. it’s difficult to explain, but if you’re still not getting it.. I’ll give it another try. Thank you for liking though… and it wasn’t that good jitna key aap logoN ney bana diya hai 
well i like be-hiss better , manoos bhi fit hota hay lekin shaairi mein sab jaaiz hay 
