I became friends with this girl about a year ago during a summer course I took. She is a few years older than me but seemed very sweet and was looking to make Pakistani friends (she moved to the States not too long ago) so I invited her over a couple of times. We became very good buddies and she struck me as someone very nice until I met her husband. They invited me and my husband over for dinner one night and while having a conversation, we brought up how we are planning to go for hajj this year. The husband said to his wife, acha so you were right, they do live a very good life.. kabhi traveling karna, achay kapray pehnna, and all that. She replied saying, haan dono ki families yahan hai, you and I have to support our families in Pakistan so we don’t have that great of a life as these two. The way they both said it was just so weird to me. I did not hear them say mashallah or anything.. it was more said in a scornful tone. As the conversation progressed, her husband kept making really weird comments like yaar (to his wife) tumhari dost tou baree cheez hai (referring to me WHILE I am sitting there!), and even tried to inquire how much me and my husband made that we lived such a comfortable lifestyle. His wife kept nodding along and almost edging him on and making silly comments as well.. such as discussing my facebook pictures (which by their conversation was obvious that she had shown to him). By the way its not like they are some uneducated couple of people.. both are highly qualified professionals (one lawyer and the other a double masters) so hearing such educated people talk that way was slightly disturbing to me. Once I got back home, I felt like I just couldn’t think of her as the person I used to before and have just distanced myself from her since then. I understand that not everyone is happy for you when things are well in your life but she never came across as the kind of person who would say things like that. I have always been allergic to the kind of people who keep talking non stop about how well settled or happy you are as if they have nothing to be grateful for. Lately, she has been emailing me asking to meet for coffee or something but I keep saying I am busy. At the same time, I do miss our friendship and I am wondering if I am overreacting and judging her too quickly?
Re: Friendship...
I think you should be frank with her and say that you didn't liked the attitude. If you are not comfortable speaking face to face, then drop her an email explaining why you are avoiding and you need some time. But on the other hand, it is very common trait, if they think that they are close enough with you, people tend to be open and pass comments without thinking otherwise.
Re: Friendship...
if you aren't happy in your friend's company, you have two choices:
- you ONLY meet up with 7your friend and NOT her husband.
- it's better to stay away from both of them in order to avoid further uneasy situations/talks
good luck! :)
Re: Friendship...
I feel that maintaining close ties with nosy people whom I can sense can't be happy for me...will lead to drama down the road one day. Even if they're relatives, I maintain a distance from them and am careful about how much I reveal about my life as I can't completely avoid them.
In your case, I would avoid her if possible or at least keep a distance.......because the more I interact with her even on an individual level, the more she'll include me in her life (activities/outings, etc) which means having to interact with her husband at various points well. She can't exclude him all the time. If you sense that they're not happy for you, that means you're wary/doubtful of them and their sincerity....which implies lack of trust and that means your relationship at the core is a shaky one despite her being fun company. And if you don't quite trust a person...then you need to be careful with how much you share with them should you choose to resume/maintain contact. So if you can't avoid her, then be cautious.
Re: Friendship...
WTH don't go hang out with them again, and don't call that girl again. Jeez. JEALOUS-Y.
Re: Friendship...
Oh my god what did your husband say when her husband called you a cheez...????
Re: Friendship...
They sound like they're not very bright.
I'd keep my distance as these things tend to get worse with time...the closer you get to your friend...the worse her behavior will become.
Re: Friendship...
you should keep a safe distance. may be she isnt a friend u know?
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Stay far away from such people. It is nothing but jealousy... i had a very similar experience after getting married and that too with my husbands childhood friend and his wife. Result- my husband lost his childhood friend forever just becoz of his wifes jealousy towards me, our kid and our lifestyle compared to theirs. She pumped her husband against us, made him say very nasty stuff to us to the extent that my husband has totally cut off links with them now. Keep only hello-hi, salaam-dua with them....
Re: Friendship...
I became friends with this girl about a year ago during a summer course I took. She is a few years older than me but seemed very sweet and was looking to make Pakistani friends (she moved to the States not too long ago) so I invited her over a couple of times. We became very good buddies and she struck me as someone very nice until I met her husband. They invited me and my husband over for dinner one night and while having a conversation, we brought up how we are planning to go for hajj this year. The husband said to his wife, acha so you were right, they do live a very good life.. kabhi traveling karna, achay kapray pehnna, and all that. She replied saying, haan dono ki families yahan hai, you and I have to support our families in Pakistan so we don't have that great of a life as these two. The way they both said it was just so weird to me. I did not hear them say mashallah or anything.. it was more said in a scornful tone. As the conversation progressed, her husband kept making really weird comments like yaar (to his wife) tumhari dost tou baree cheez hai (referring to me WHILE I am sitting there!), and even tried to inquire how much me and my husband made that we lived such a comfortable lifestyle. His wife kept nodding along and almost edging him on and making silly comments as well.. such as discussing my facebook pictures (which by their conversation was obvious that she had shown to him). **By the way its not like they are some uneducated couple of people.. both are highly qualified professionals (one lawyer and the other a double masters) so hearing such educated people talk that way was slightly disturbing to me. **Once I got back home, I felt like I just couldn't think of her as the person I used to before and have just distanced myself from her since then. I understand that not everyone is happy for you when things are well in your life but she never came across as the kind of person who would say things like that. I have always been allergic to the kind of people who keep talking non stop about how well settled or happy you are as if they have nothing to be grateful for. Lately, she has been emailing me asking to meet for coffee or something but I keep saying I am busy. At the same time, I do miss our friendship and I am wondering if I am overreacting and judging her too quickly?
The bold part, I have read and heard that so often now.
Being (highly) educated doesnt automatically mean that somebody also has good manners, a nice personality, class and respect for others.
So don't get fooled by the degrees one has.
Education enriches people (with certain knowledge), but it doesn't (necessarily) enlarge them in terms of personality, mindset and manners.
Re: Friendship...
When new people (friends or not) try to be very frank and make silly comment do the same there and then in the similar tone. If they are sensible and value your new friendship that will stop doing it again or if they are a jealous ones they will cut off the ties (both are better).
Re: Friendship...
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I became friends with this girl about a year ago during a summer course I took. She is a few years older than me but seemed very sweet and was looking to make Pakistani friends (she moved to the States not too long ago) so I invited her over a couple of times. We became very good buddies and she struck me as someone very nice until I met her husband. They invited me and my husband over for dinner one night and while having a conversation, we brought up how we are planning to go for hajj this year. The husband said to his wife, acha so you were right, they do live a very good life.. kabhi traveling karna, achay kapray pehnna, and all that. She replied saying, haan dono ki families yahan hai, you and I have to support our families in Pakistan so we don't have that great of a life as these two. The way they both said it was just so weird to me. I did not hear them say mashallah or anything.. it was more said in a scornful tone. As the conversation progressed, her husband kept making really weird comments like yaar (to his wife) tumhari dost tou baree cheez hai (referring to me WHILE I am sitting there!), and even tried to inquire how much me and my husband made that we lived such a comfortable lifestyle. His wife kept nodding along and almost edging him on and making silly comments as well.. such as discussing my facebook pictures (which by their conversation was obvious that she had shown to him). By the way its not like they are some uneducated couple of people.. both are highly qualified professionals (one lawyer and the other a double masters) so hearing such educated people talk that way was slightly disturbing to me. Once I got back home, I felt like I just couldn't think of her as the person I used to before and have just distanced myself from her since then. I understand that not everyone is happy for you when things are well in your life but she never came across as the kind of person who would say things like that. I have always been allergic to the kind of people who keep talking non stop about how well settled or happy you are as if they have nothing to be grateful for. Lately, she has been emailing me asking to meet for coffee or something but I keep saying I am busy. At the same time, I do miss our friendship and I am wondering if I am overreacting and judging her too quickly?
They do sound like arrogant and snobby. You should 'utaro nazaar', if you didn't hear them say mashaAllah. It sounds like they're jealous. Ugh, weird people! Also, what did your husband think about their behavior?
Re: Friendship...
My husband I could tell was uncomfortable by the comments constantly pointing out how well off we were or how we could afford to constantly travel and all that. However, he stayed quiet and hasn't said anything to me since he knows I am friends with the girl. He probably doesn't want to say anything that will make me feel bad about this girl and I was too embarassed to even bring it up to him myself. None of his friends or their spouses ever talk like that with us.
Friendship…
They sound like socially awkward noobs. 
Re: Friendship...
Seems like they got too comfortable.
Re: Friendship...
Friendship with desi people especially ladies is a bull**** concept.