say you’re in a completely platonic relationship/friendship(no friends with benefits stuff :-D) with a person of the opposite gender. i know sehrysh had a similar thread but i’m talking about a real world friendship, not online.
the friend is very good to you, always making sure you’re happy. that friend got angry, i’m talking ready to beat up a person b/c that person flirted with you or made it seem like he/she was interested in you.
What would it mean?
Re: friendship and jealousy
If he hasn't expressed any proper feelings than there also is no need to show such cavalry.
And it would mean he's becoming a little too protective of something he doesn't have.
Re: friendship and jealousy
wot
Re: friendship and jealousy
If he hasn't expressed any proper feelings than there also is no need to show such cavalry.
And it would mean he's becoming a little too protective of something he doesn't have.
proper feelings meaning what. he's very caring towards you if that's what you mean by feelings but let's just say that it can only be a friendship b/c you two have different belief systems, nationalities, both south asian but it can only stay platonic or must only stay a friendship
wot
what's WOT? see even in this way you menfolk are a huge mystery, can't even understand what you guys write. :P
Re: friendship and jealousy
You say that this relationship can only be a friendship because you both differ in nationality, belief systems, etc. If you're aware of this, then perhaps the guy understands this as well. It could be that he has subconsicous feelings for you. It could be that he doesn't get a good vibe from the guy who is hitting on you and is being protective as a friend.
And let's assume that he has feelings for you and is fully aware of it........if he's holding back because of the cultural/religious differences between you two and he knows that there's no "future" for you two.......then is there really a point in dwelling on his actions? I guess it would do nothing more than provide an ego boost....especially if it's definite that it's not going to move beyond friendship for either of you.
I think women tend to overanalzye everything...and although some behaviors may be signs that the guy is attracted toward you or has a crush......and as exciting/flattering as it is....it doesn't matter as much if he has neither made it clear that he's interested nor expressed a desire for a romantic relationship. I'll admit that it's flattering....but I also know that if you get carried away in analyzing the "signs/behavior" (which can be fun)....you could be setting yourself for heartache down the road. Emotions are complex and they don't remain a constant state.
Re: friendship and jealousy
Nisha:
Based on what you wrote....this guy and girl can not get married due to different religions/cultures right? (Even though they're both desi).
If the above is true....then the guy's behavior will eventually destroy this friendship. If both the people have agreed that this is a platonic friendship that can NEVER lead to marriage....then the guy needs to conrol himself and not get so emotional about the "friend". Even IF he likes her....if they can never get married due to different religion/culture...what's the point?
If he continues to show similar behavior....someday down the road when the girl does get married....sooner or later her husband will see that the "friend" is a little too protective about his wife and may not approve of it. Similarly, if the guy married another woman...his wife will also see that her husband is a little too protective about a "friend".
So if these two people want to continue their platonic friendship for the rest of their lives.....BOTH of them need to realize what their boundries are and act accordingly.
** BTW, something VERY similar happened with my fiance.....and that friendship is over.
Re: friendship and jealousy
why did some of you assume it's about me :p
i just wanted you all to put yourselves in that particular situation and i just wanted to see how you would handle it. it would probably be frustrating, so you all say that you would distance yourself from this friend. you are muslim the friend of the opposite gender is a nonmuslim and yes there is no need to put friend in quotes, nothing i mean nothing has happened between the two of you to assume that it is anything more than a caring friendship. people of the opposite gender can be just friends. both can plainly see that it's obvious there can be nothing.
why would a guy do that if he is just a friend with you ladies.
Re: friendship and jealousy
ummmm okaaaaaay. 
Re: friendship and jealousy
You say that this relationship can only be a friendship because you both differ in nationality, belief systems, etc. If you're aware of this, then perhaps the guy understands this as well. It could be that he has subconsicous feelings for you. It could be that he doesn't get a good vibe from the guy who is hitting on you and is being protective as a friend.
And let's assume that he has feelings for you and is fully aware of it........if he's holding back because of the cultural/religious differences between you two and he knows that there's no "future" for you two.......then is there really a point in dwelling on his actions? I guess it would do nothing more than provide an ego boost....especially if it's definite that it's not going to move beyond friendship for either of you.
I think women tend to overanalzye everything...and although some behaviors may be signs that the guy is attracted toward you or has a crush......and as exciting/flattering as it is....it doesn't matter as much if he has neither made it clear that he's interested nor expressed a desire for a romantic relationship. I'll admit that it's flattering....but I also know that if you get carried away in analyzing the "signs/behavior" (which can be fun)....you could be setting yourself for heartache down the road. Emotions are complex and they don't remain a constant state.
It wouldn't be flattering though or exciting in any way. when you know that all these huge obvious factors are in the way and there's no way that you can make it more, i would think frustration would be the thought or confusion. wouldn't it be to you if you had a nonmuslim male friend that's cute and you care about that reacted in that way. so you would probably think nothing of it. he was acting in a completely brotherly way and there is nothing to think about....ok that makes sense and would be comforting. no over analysis, thinking practically in these types of situations is best i would think
Re: friendship and jealousy
Nisha:
Based on what you wrote....this guy and girl can not get married due to different religions/cultures right? (Even though they're both desi).
If the above is true....then the guy's behavior will eventually destroy this friendship. If both the people have agreed that this is a platonic friendship that can NEVER lead to marriage....then the guy needs to conrol himself and not get so emotional about the "friend". Even IF he likes her....if they can never get married due to different religion/culture...what's the point?
If he continues to show similar behavior....someday down the road when the girl does get married....sooner or later her husband will see that the "friend" is a little too protective about his wife and may not approve of it. Similarly, if the guy married another woman...his wife will also see that her husband is a little too protective about a "friend".
So if these two people want to continue their platonic friendship for the rest of their lives.....BOTH of them need to realize what their boundries are and act accordingly.
**** BTW, something VERY similar happened with my fiance.....and that friendship is over**.
right both should respect the obvious boundaries and maybe the the friend was being protective b/c there's a bhai/behen vibe going on. it would be the best for both. and since women in general tend to be more emotional, it would be safer for the woman to think nothing of this or make it into something more than it is.
what happened in the case of your fiance. what caused the friendship to end? possibly not similar to the scenario i mentioned but i'm curious
Re: friendship and jealousy
Nisha:
In a situation like this....the issue isn't what the intention is behind their actions. The issue becomes how others around them PERCEIVE the behavior....and yes, this has the POTENTIAL to become a bad situaion if the future spouses of either one of the people PERCEIVE this behavior as inappropriate....and demand that the friendship end.
The situation with my fiance is the following: He had been friends with a girl for almost 7 years. From what I was told...it was always platonic. In fact, when they met 7 years ago...she was already dating her current husband. She lives in a different state. I started dating him...2 years into the relationship....the girl & her husband came into town for a wedding and stayed at his house. Now keep in mind I wasn't even officially engaged to him yet. During the wedding weekend....the girl did certain things that gave me the impression that she had an "attraction" towards my fiance. On several occassions....I felt her words/behavior towards my fiance crossed the boundries of a "platonic" friendship. Even though she's married and lives in another state....I shared my thoughts/anger with my fiance (then BF). I told him clearly that if he wants me in his life....then he can not be friends with her. He can still talk to her/text w/ her...but she will not be invited to our wedding, and she will never be allowed into our house again. To make a long story short....my fiance ended that friendship. He hasn't returned her calls/texts since that visit (I know this for a fact b/c outher mutual friends have made comments about it). And my fiance does have other female friends that I don't have a problem with.
As I said before....regardless of what the guy's true feelings are....if they can only be platonic friends....then he needs to make sure that his behavior doesn't give anyone (especially the girl's future husband and his future wife) the impression that he has feelings for her.
Re: friendship and jealousy
thanks paheli what you told about your fiance and his friend does help. women are emotional creatures, the women should protect themselves from getting hurt, these types of situations have disaster written all over them if anything more is made out of them. why should either one give up what they value in life, it would be selfish to ask either one to sacrifice for the other. i know i wouldn’t sacrifice my beliefs or family as much as i care about a guy friend…anyways, thanks for your time and kind reply :k:
Re: friendship and jealousy
Booty call.
Re: friendship and jealousy
Booty call.
I wish! :p but can't happen him being pakistani muslim is off limits and those darn morals they ruin all the fun sigh:D