I am not sure if what I have observed of late is a new phenomenon or one specific to our region (pak). I have noticed a kind of relationship between girls and guys that brinks on dating, minus an explicit physical contact (holding hands, kissing etc), but is refered to as ‘friendship’.
You have the ‘couples’ texting each other all the time sharing each and every event of their day no matter how mundane, gifts exchanged, contact such as sitting flirtingly close to each other with little light between them, harmless games of ‘cheena jhapti’ and all this without any obvious perverse intent (if only I hadn’t known guys better).
It also gets a bit better than dating since you dont really have to be restricted to one ‘friend’ at a time. While I am not really sceptical about Platonic friendships developed over time, these ‘friendships’ that I talk of takeoff pretty quick and die out too in most cases (some ending in a commitment). Yet they are ‘friendships’.
Am I just being overly sceptical or do I see people who agree that its pretty hypocritical? Why not call it dating?
A lot of Pakistanis do the same things which they consider bad in the western society, but the difference is that they do it indirectly by deceiving themselves and their family members.
At times it is surprising when people use the term "just friends" as if their religion allows them to be just friends with the people of opposite gender. Usually this "just friendship" tends to develop to such an extent that they even don't talk about it freely with their parents
For all I care, they can call themselves whatever they want to. Just wanted to ask what others have felt. Personally I find it hypocritical. I feel dishonest with my self when I am drawn to such a friendship. Looks more like an arrangement that lets people get through a transitionary phase before their marriage where they can experience most of the benefits of a relationship without being actually committed; which is fine to me, its the denial that bugs me.
I am not sure if what I have observed of late is a new phenomenon or one specific to our region (pak). I have noticed a kind of relationship between girls and guys that brinks on dating, minus an explicit physical contact (holding hands, kissing etc), but is refered to as 'friendship'.
You have the 'coup
Am I just being overly sceptical or do I see people who agree that its pretty hypocritical? Why not call it dating?
so girls could back off at any time saying "he is just a friend"
It is hypocritical, have seen it go in Pakistan numerous times!
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before their marriage where they can experience most of the benefits of a relationship without being actually committed; which is fine to me,
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The kind of attitude which isn't going to help our society! It ISN'T fine, because if my sister or someone was like that I'd be furious. Since these 'friendships' have started so have the problem of people having sex and getting pregnant before marriages.
Lets just call it an (apparently) innocent playful contact, like snatching something form another hand.
I say its fine with me because I dont want to act the moral guardian here. Just that I look for a little more honesty in my interaction with a girl. I have got enough friends to not approach a stranger for friendship. Couple of shared interests do not merit all night all week converstions in a couple of days as 'friends'. Friendship signifies a lot more permenance to me and is a much more gradual process.
Since any declaration of intent of finding a potential mate puts desi women off in the initial stages of interaction, guys resort to 'friendships'. And 'friendship' gives the girl a license to use the guy anyway she wants, ending it with an innocent "i take you as a friend". I don't mean to stereotype. Lot of guys also like the lack of explicit commitment, having fun on the way with casual physical contact and flirting. There are girls who do go on to commitments after the initial 'friendship' state. But my bottom line is the lack of honesty.
Pakistan is going through a transitional period. It has adopted much that was considered wrong in just the last 3/4 years. Soon enough, they'll come right out and call it what it is.
Till then, bear with the hypocrisy.
thanks 