I am feeling very low these days. I feel like my best friend is ignoring me. I am living alone these days and she knows that I have been going through very hard times. And still I am facing huge challenges in my life and need as much support as possible.
The thing is that I feel that I have been there for her every time she needed me. I was there when she got divorced and was feeling very low. While everyone else was interviewing her about what really happened between her and her ex, I was just there for her not asking her detailed questions. But just being there and encouraging her to move on with her life. I helped her through so much even though I at the same time was going through very very hard times in my life.
Now I feel that she is ignoring me. She got new friends whom she spends loads of time with and when I try to meet her, she always said she is busy.
I moved to another city cuz of work and now she never calls me. I called and left a voice message and she just responded by sending a mail and cancelling our meeting as she was supposed to visit me. I came back from umrah and she didn’t even call to congratulate me. I always celebrate her stuff with her. Throwing her surprise parties at her birthday, sending cards etc. but whenever its my special times I never hear from her anymore.
She never used to be like this and in the beginning I thought that she must be busy or something else. But this has been going on for long time now.
What really really disappointed me was that she even attended the wedding of the guy who broke my heart literally!She went there because she had known the girl he was marrying and because her mum is best friend with the girl’s mum. I know for sure that I would have avoided the wedding as it would have hurt her to know if I attended the wedding of her ex!
One more thing that annoys me is that she is very curious about my life and whats going on. But I never get to know about her life. Not that I want to know cuz of curiousity but because I care about her and I want to be there for her.
Anyhow I have been disappointed by her so many times for so long now but still I don’t want to give up contact with her as she is very dear to me. I have known her since forever and I really care for her. I think about her quiet often but I don’t contact her as she is so slow in responding.
Just last week I sent her a long mail on how low I am feeling and how hard things are. But she hasn’t replied yet and no its not because she hasn’t been online and I did see her online.
I dont know if its me being too sensitive or her. or maybe we have just grew apart?
OK! Best friends are a two-way thingy. I have often seen this miss-comprehension in girls that they think you can be a best friend of someone without the feelings getting reciprocated. She is definitely not your best friend. Not anymore, atleast. So sit down, reflect and find out was she ever your best friend or you fooled yourself all along the way. Again, my personal thinking is that girls cannot have girls as their friends for a long time. They can have male friends for a longer time.
There could be multiple reasons why she is not responding to you anymore. You might have done something intentionally or unintentionally to hurt her. There could now be a third person in between both of you who does not like you (anymore).
Just shed this emotional umbrella for a minute and reflect where you both went wrong. Try not to invlove emotions and try not to justify your own point of view. Reflect!
Hmmm honestly I dont find anything I have done to her that could lead to this.
I have been stressed, tired and maybe absent minded but only for a while which should not effect a friendship that has been there for more than a decade and where she always found me to be at her side whenever needed!
I am sorry, but I see a pattern here. Do you say these things to her as well? You cannot impose your good deeds onto others. Did you do your good deeds to please her or to prove a point? A good deed is a good deed only, if there are no thoughts of redemption behind it.
Was she ever on your side when you needed someone?
Hi Chameli.
I've read your story and im in the same sitiuation kind of, And like Witch Dr said find out if she is really your best friend or you fooled your self. I know its very very hard to break with your best friend coz like i said before i have also a friend and many time's i break with him. Anywayz find out what you want and if she is really ur best friend waise kitne deer tak aap uske peeche lage rohogey it is just not fair.
Coz u always the one who calls her or send her a mail.
To Witch Dr you said that girls can't be best friend or somit but that a guy and a gal
can be but that is'nt true it depends how the person is and how the friendship is like.
Yesterday when it was mah birthday i broke up with mah best friend.
He even did not wish me. Lekin ghair nothin is forever in this world.
hmmm well I needed her most to talk and get relief by just talking. Then I needed her for some practical help and she involved her father who refused because he said that it might effect their family.
So..basically I havent got any help from her wehnever needed
Hmm.. but i don't know why she involved her dad in these things coz what has dad to do with ur friendship??? Like im married and whatever i discuss something with my friend i never tell some1 else not my husband or anyone else.
So you realize that she was never even your friend. Yes! Friends are a shoulder to cry on but did you ever give her your own shoulder or your problems were always more important than hers. Reflect some more.
Yes I always talked to her about her problems but with time she became more introvert and didnt want to talk about her situation as I know her mother has raised her in a way that you dont tell others about your private life…
Chameli: Why did she become introvert with time? Why was she open in the beginning? Some events happened at her home or was it sometimes you were too inquisitive? Did you leak her secret?
Nilu: If he has been a good friend, he still is. He will come around? Give him some time to heal his ego.
I have no idea. She became introvert with many people. I never leaked any of her secret. Lots of stuff happened in her family leading her parents to become very depressed and she spent lots of energy on them.
She always talked kind of bad about a mutual friend which effected me to talk much less to that mutual friend and then she suddenly started to talk a lot with her…
Hmm... that's weird, i can't say 2 you what you have to do coz that's your own discision.
But sometime's its helps if you take distance she will come 2 u herself.
Chameli.. your friend sounds like a bitch. Cut your losses and find someone else who appreciates you. Much like you left that loser guy, you can leave this loser of a girl and find someone much much much better :)
hmmm yeah well..its not easy giving up a long long friendship. Specially since I am living in a new place and dont know anyone here besides a few persons.....but maybe u r right....
I can sort of relate to your situation because I was too once thought too much of a friendship but it wasnt that strong and broke like a glass bowl when put to test. I alwasy thought that I have a best friend but I was mistaken because those were one way feelings. I am glad I realized it myself and stayed within my limits afterwards.
There is a BIG difference between Good friends and Best friends. By the sound of it, I think you have to admit that she considered you a good friend and you should do the same. Time to maintain a distance, stay on great terms but move on in life.
What somebody told me at one time - some people have personalities to make 1 best friend, other people have multiple good friends (but no 1 that they will entrust).
Latter is a obviously a better approach because you are not putting your eggs in one basket. I learnt it the hard way ... Friends they come and go - all you can do is move on :)
Here is something I read yesterday from a magazine that might help:
The Chronic Canceler
(Solutions| Modern Manners)
You have one in your life. Everyone does. Let's call her Emily. Emily is a good friend in some ways, but she has one big fault: She's a bailer. You have lunch plans; she's swamped at work. Dinner? She's exhausted. Sunday brunch? Book club? One excuse after another. You have finally had it.
When you're ready to confront her, try the "praise sandwich" technique, say Bruce Weinstein, author of Life Principles: Feeling Good by Doing Good. "Starting by saying something both falterring and sincere--'I really value our relationship'--will make her more receptive to your criticism," he says. Then tell her how her behavior upsets you. Make sure she understands that you're serious, but don't issue an ultimatum, Weinstein advises: "It's implicit when you say, 'I hope we can work this out, because I enjoy going out with you.' You're saying, 'If we don't, I won't.'" Finish by affirming that you care and have faith that she can change.
If Emily cancels on you again, you could resign yourself to being phone friends. On the other hand, "she not respecting you," says Weinstein, "and without mutual respect, it's difficult to have a meaningful relationship." In which case, maybe it's your turn to bail on Emily, for good.