Today I met up with two of my most amazing friends and they are well and truly there for me and genuinely want the best for me i have discovered today and have never let me down.
Sometimes I feel my extended (NOT IMMEDIATE) family let me down more.
I wonder is this because with friends there is less expectation so you get less disappointed and let down OR amongst family there is more jealousy and competition?
Or maybe both!
what do you think?
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
i think friends are great assets but, in Islam, we are ordered NOT to sever relationships with blood relatives...i would have as best a relationship with all of my friends but would never let the blood relationship sever and will go out of my way to mend relationships. :)
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
i think friends are great assets but, in Islam, we are ordered NOT to sever relationships with blood relatives...i would have as best a relationship with all of my friends but would never let the blood relationship sever and will go out of my way to mend relationships. :)
Well I have not really 'severed' my relationships with any of my family members however sometimes i feel i can run to my friends with any issue or problem and they will go out my way to help me and not judge me, sometimes with family i feel they may be happy with my downfall :(
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
I agree, I'm a LOT closer to my friends than my extended family- even though I wanted to always be closer to my family more. But I feel like families usually create so much drama that it waters down all the love. With friends, less expectations and then you share a lot of interests and activities with them, that makes the bond stronger.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Its normal.........
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Friends are definitely much better than the people in the extended family. I have great friendships with my cousins but it is not as good and open as my friends. Politics, drama, jealously, self-interest all feature in friendships with cousins most of the time. Even when we cousins try to be as cool as possible, our elders' relations affect the relationships. Don't tell this, don't tell that, us ko ye bura lag gaya, is ko ye kion kaha etc etc. With my friends, the stuff is very simple and I can discuss anything and everything with them without the fear of leaking the info in the extended family. And since the cousins are in Pak, they all hold masters degree in family politics with us being naive in the stuff and I often end up in difficult situations with them. Urrrgggghhhhh..... So friends are much much better than people in the extended family :)
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Yep I agree with what has been said. Obviously, you have to maintain the relationship with blood relatives, but unless they can be counted as a friend as well as a relative, then usually these bonds are more diplomatic and cordial. If you can find a realy good friend in life and not someone who's just being fake, then they really are worthy gems to hold onto :)
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
I Honestly speaking Loveeeeeeeeeeeeee My friends,....
Don't like the politics going around with/in/within Relatives
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Well I have not really 'severed' my relationships with any of my family members however sometimes i feel i can run to my friends with any issue or problem and they will go out my way to help me and not judge me, sometimes with family i feel they may be happy with my downfall :(
**true, and i can understand that but that's where the 'challenges' lie. urdu ka ek she'r hai:
chalaa jaataa huN haNstaa kheltaa mauj-e-Hawaadis se
agar aasaaniyaaN hoN, zindagii dushwaar ho jaaye!
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Its because relations are taken fore-granted while people have to work hard to maintain friendships.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Its because relations are taken fore-granted while people have to work hard to maintain friendships.
It can also be because God gave us relatives but we can CHOOSE our friends. So if we choose friends, they will be according to our character, nature and personality and thus there will be less conflict. Relatives always been there for us with varying personalities which sometimes are different than us, and thus conflicts.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
family is important but historically friends have always been more reliable and the reason behind this reliability is that you can always pick them and family is something you are born with and you have to live with it.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
I prefer my friends over an extended relative. Blood isn't always thicker than water.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
yes we do prefer friends because we can always pick the best suited ones for us.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Your extended relatives say the same thing about you. The point is with friends we have less expectations , care more about them and work hard to keep our friends happy.
If we do the same with friends , this bond will be much tighter and blood will always be thicker than water.
Try having less expectation , care more about extended family and work hard to keep them happy you will be amazed with the results. Try it sometime. 
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
You’re right…my extended family doesn’t care about me I have little to no interaction with most of them because we all live so far away. How is a bond supposed to exist between us? I’ve known my closest friends for years and it’s come to a point where I don’t ever have to put up an act in front of them and I can be my complete self. Perhaps if I had the chance to get to know my relatives, this might have been the case.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
If you are far away from your extended family and do not have much interaction with them then surely you will not form a bond , then you cannot judge them.
Family relationships require lot of maintenance like friendships.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
If you are far away from your extended family and do not have much interaction with them then surely you will not form a bond , then you cannot judge them. Family relationships require lot of maintenance like friendships.
I know :) I'm not saying that they're bad people. It's just that being related isn't enough for there to be a bond to exist between us. A certain amount of time has to be spent too.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
Today I met up with two of my most amazing friends and they are well and truly there for me and genuinely want the best for me i have discovered today and have never let me down.
Sometimes I feel my extended (NOT IMMEDIATE) family let me down more.
I wonder is this because with friends there is less expectation so you get less disappointed and let down OR amongst family there is more jealousy and competition?
Or maybe both!
what do you think?
This is what i have heared
Someone asked Hazrat Ali, Who is better Brother or Friend.
Hazrat Ali Replied "Brother is like Gold and Friend is like Diamond"
Please dont buy this as Hazrat Ali's words, i could have stated it wrong or heared it wrong so i dunt want any gunah on my plate.
Re: Friends VS (extended) Family
I know :) I'm not saying that they're bad people. It's just that being related isn't enough for there to be a bond to exist between us. A certain amount of time has to be spent too.
And there needs to be friendship present. I have many cousins but I am good friends with only few (and they are those whom I am most similar in my views and personality). So the similarity of views, opinions, personality matter alot even in maintaining relationships with extended families just like these matter with our friends.