This thread has been inspired by cosmicbiwi’s thread. A Sikh friend’s sister ( I mentioned her in a thread months ago) got married 1.5 years ago. When she got married she took everything, like most of us do interms of clothes, shoes, jewellery, makeup etc etc. She was always reluctant to ask her husband for money because she was embarassed so initially she started off by asking her parents to send her contact lens etc to the city she lives in. Later she moved onto asking for other minor things like foundation etc. She lives here in England so I found it a bit stupid when my friend told me about this. You can get foundations and contact lens anywhere. They are 4 sisters in total.
Whenever she used to come home her MIL used to give her a long list of things she needed. One day she asked for money and the MIL retorted: When you go home ask them to buy you these. We aren’t responsible. The husband’s a jerk too who completely scrounges off her parents and doesn’t feel bad. He drops hints like " my friend’s wife bought him an Armani watch, her parents paid for it" A few days ago he told her " Did you see how much gold my cousin got?". My friend’s sis pointed out that the cousin is an only daughter. Whereas, they are 4 sisters. In other words he’s constantly asking/ expecting stuff. The friend’s sister has brought problems on herself by being silly at times and maybe if she hadn’t done that she wouldn’t be in this position today. Maybe she shouldn’t have started demanding things from her parents once she was married.
My friend is getting sick of this now because her sister doesn’t actually talk to her husband. Infact she does the opposite of what she should be doing. My friend’ll be getting married this year so whatever her parents buy for her the married sister comes and takes that away saying " Oh you just get another one". She came home a few days ago and as usual she had no money on her so her mum gave her some for her shopping. They went out shopping and she left her purse at home. She didn’t do it once but twice. Her mom sat her down and tried to explain to her that we have 3 other daughters and we can’t keep on doing this. If you feel you can’t stay with him, leave him by all means or atleast let us talk to him but she refuses. Her husband works in a solicitors firm so it’s not like he can’t afford. He’s just plain greedy.
The friend’s sister hands over her money that her parents give to her husband She doesn’t get much anyways and on top she doesn’t keep it!
wow thats totally not ok, it may be hard for her but she really needs to sit down and have a talk with her husband, she should just tell her in-laws that since her sister is getting married and she has two more sisters after her, her parents are not in the financial position to give her money or any other stuff. She's married and her husband should be taking the responsibility of providing for her, she's not her parents responsibility anymore......however I do agree part of this was her own fault for starting this trend of getting stuff from parents
Also, she should not be handing over her money that her parents gave her to her husband.....next time he asks her tell her to tell him straight out that its her money for her necessities since he obviously isn't giving her anything
well then she needs to learn the hard way. The parents should stop giving her money and try to make her understand, the sister isn't doing anything wrong whenever she tries to take her stuff, your friend needs to tell her thats its her wedding shopping and if she wants it she can go and get it later on.....they need to be harsh this situation is only going to get better once the sister stops asking for money
the more I think about it maybe being too harsh isn’t such a good idea depends on the person…maybe they should make subtle changes such as when she is over don’t go shopping or don’t show off the wedding shopping too much…but then again she is her sister and she probably wants to share this kind of stuff with her
My standard answer: Ask her to have her husband sit-down and talk to him. He might not like everything he hears, but if she addresses the issues sensibly enough and with love, he might realize what an idiot he is being.
I love how mard walk around like they own the world, and then they feed off their wives this way. Pathetic.
I personally believe that once you are married, your parents shouldn't pay for anything. If your husband can't afford much, you should restrict yourself from buying things you can't afford. It'll be one thing if husband can't afford some things that the girl really needs, and her parents contributes. I think the way you start your marriage will be pretty much how it will be for the rest of your life. So girls should be smart. I try my best my parents don't even pay for my food sometimes when I go to meet them. But of course not every guy would be like that or understand that. For this very reason, I strongly oppose jahiz.
I think your friend's sister should first stop asking her parents for things. No matter what, she shouldn't ask. That should tell her husband that he is the one who has to pay for everything. Trust me, if someone doesn't understand nicely, unh ke sath harsh way use karna parta hai and in the process you sometimes have to sacrifice too.
a similar thing happened in my family.....my sister was with her boyfriend for 6 yrs before there was a haan sort of thing and then they both went on to do their masters.....the guys dad came to my dad before they were even married and asked to borrow some money.....well my parents freaked out cuz they were like thats really weird....u dont take money from the girls family.....we understood that ok maybe he's having money issues but really he doesnt have friends he could borrow from? why ask ure future DIL's family.....anyway my parents didnt know whether they shud tell my sister or not but decided they shud because this was her future.....so they told her and she freaked out as well and she spoke to her bf.....who had no idea and also freaked out....lol....but anyway he spoke to his dad who was just like i need the money....so my brother in law told him to borrow elsewhere....and he was like okay......my parents thought the situation was solved but then he came back to my dad and said i really need the money.....and my dad gave it to him.....but he was just weirded out.....my parents didnt tell my sister cuz they were like this guy is her choice and we've shown her that their family is very diff from ours but she's still set on him.......anyway when the time for the wedding got nearer they both didnt have any jobs or money so my parents begged my sis to postpone the wedding until they do...but she was adamant...and they got married and my father got my brother in law a job in lahore and they moved into my house cuz they couldnt afford anything else.....my parents had bought two apartments a long tim ago that belong to me and my sister.....anyway they moved into my sisters apt when it was ready but then my brother in law got another job in isb.....he told my sister that we'll rent out this lhr apartment and use that money to rent one in isb.....but my parents were like hell no....cuz the income from these apartments belongs to me and my sister and no one else.....they didnt want to tell my sister that ure husband cant use this money.....instead they told her we're having money problems and we're taking back both apartments cuz we need the rent income.....actually my apartment still belongs to me and the rents that come from my sisters flat are put into an account for her.....i guess ure friends parents could do something like that....
however with my sister theres another problem which is her temper.....she does crazy things when she;s really angry so my parnets were also afraid that if her husband fights wiht her over the flat she might just angry enough one day and just sign it over to him.....saying that fine take it and go to hell.....lol.....so thats another reason they took it back.....also the guys parents live in isb and my parents dont trust them due to the loan situation and other things.....anyway my parents are also firm believers that the husband should be supporting the family not the wife....lol.....
so now my sister is living in lahore with my parnets and her husband in isb wiht his....until they can afford to get their own place......theyre both actually really happy with the situation cuz this way they see each other every weekend and they miss each other and fight a lot less.....lol...
Mama ki dua.! Ur friends sister is totally wrong. She must not do tht. Considering tht she has 3 other sisters and they have to get married Yet. And let alone she takes her sisters Jahaiz.
Even though my mother says she wants to give me money when i go back pak but i am not willing to take it. am not my parents responsibility any more. And if she gives me some money as present i wont tell my Husband abt it. Some Husbands tend to develop this habbit " Sub kuch susraal sey aa rah hai to humein kharcha kerne ki kia zarooret hai?"
She doesn’t get much anyways and on top she doesn’t keep it!
