Normally jealous person believes/assume that you would TOO be jealous on his achievements.
SO
That's a very correct assertion. I wonder how you got to it lol
I think motivation and encouragement can help. But its also not good to spoon feed someone. I usually try to help them according to the best of my knowledge but after that you have to leave them alone. They need to learn how to fly.
I believe that you never loose good friends. It might be a disconnect for sometime, but whenever you go away you always come back and start from where you left it. If you are feeling that you will loose them forever, than they might not be your friends in the first place. Might be people who you just knew.
You might not lose them but it's not good seeing them and not being able to connect at the same level you used to. It kinda sucks.
I think there is a difference between jealousy and envy......
**Jealousy ususally concocts feelings of negativity and thus would definitely drive a wedge between good friends however to envy one's friend's progress is not a bad thing . **
It implies admiration for their success at the same time saying you wish you could have achieved just as much and may even make you to strive harder to achieve similar success.
**With friends you just have to be lil careful so as not to let these things come in the way of a good and long friendship. For me it was like when I got my membership exam or a promotion and my friend did not , I just downplayed the thing and though i knew she was upset at not having gotten it , it was not really personal, however she did ask me not to tell her Mom about it and so her Mom still thinks I haven't gotten it ! **
However if that made her happy or at least in her mind in front of her mom we were both at the same standing , so what ? I still have a good and reliable friend in exchange for it !
So basically point being don't rub your success in your friend's noses !
Yes as I said earlier I have downplayed things time and again. I have also encouraged, suggested and cherished for them. Both approaches did not work.
I think you're seriously fooling yourself into thinking the gap in friendship is because of jealousy. Friends are friends not family - they are not in a permanent, unconditional-love-ish sort of bond with you, as your life changes, you grow, so do your social settings and needs - and of course friends. This is normal. You and your friend might be moving towards two different places in life and thus you grow apart, it's okay. Let it be - no need to try and talk it out, if it's comfortable enough, it'll come back together on its own - otherwise, move on. Secondly, considering this is your friend who you care about and have had him around for some time, it's really odd that you'd describe his working conditions with negativity and sense of superiorty. Small cubicle, next to the restroom - that's just mean. :(
I don't get how you see me being condescending or acting superior. The example about a small cubicle was just an expression - or was it :D no one will ever know except me. Anyways I think you might have a point about being moving apart because of being at different places in our lives but then again having someone around for 20 plus years tells allot about the friendship standing the test of time or any other factor.
ma simple solution....
dost hi na banaho .........
naa hon gay dost na hongay yeh pangay
Now that wasn't anything remotely related to 'hope' :p
Wake Up Dead,
You can't control your friends' thoughts or actions, you can only control yourself.
Sometimes sincere praise goes a long way. **Compliment **your friend on something he/she has that is is missing from your life. Perhaps this will make your friend reflect over the blessings in his/her life.
Encourage your friend if h/she complains to you. And IF your friend asks for help regarding career.....then help him out to the best of your ability. If he doesn't ask or complain, leave it alone.
If you sense that your friend doesn't want to talk about what is going on in his life.....then DON'T ASK. If you feel that your friend becomes uncomfortable or sensitive when you discuss your career........then DON'T discuss your career. There are PLENTY of things that can be discussed in a friendship besides career. Talk about **neutral things **that are fun. Maybe this will make your friend see that regardless of other advancements in life.......you still value the friendship as you did before.
After making these efforts, if you notice that your friend is STILL behaving in a juvenile way......then take a break from your friend. Jealousy can warp someone's thinking...and the only one to control it is the individual himself. Don't talk to your friend about his "jealousy" *or *"lack of happiness for you".....because he'll just accuse YOU of being ARROGANT. A better way to handle this would be to casually say to your friend, **"We're not talking our hanging out as much as before. Is everything okay? You seem a bit distant. If you're busy, I understand. But I value the friendship that we have and just checking to make sure you're okay." **There, you've done your part. If he responds, good. If not, focus on your life. You can't wait for people to grow up....they have to do it on their own.
The only thing I haven't tried from all that you have said it leaving it alone. Its natural to feel bad seeing a friendship breaking apart. We tend to hold onto things some times. You have hit the spot by saying that jealousy warps all thoughts. Jealousy indeed affects all the actions you take thereafter. But then you contradict yourself by saying there are other things to talk about. It's useless changing the topic when the person in front of you has hang ups in his/her head.
A true friend would never be jealous.. if that person is behaving strangely because of positives in u're life, that person is anything but a friend. Real friends come "hassad-free"!
No Gina. A true friend is still a human. Just like someone said, they are friends not family-there can be feelings of jealousy once in a while. It's nothing entirely in someone's control either so friends deserve some cushion in this.. just that it shouldn't let your friendship suffer
wud my friend, eventually the jealous feeling will go away nd they'll get over the success nd just be happy for ya. then he/she will also progress nd u shall all be happy progressive ppl
thats probably the world's shortest fairy tale with a happy ending. oh no wait all fairy tales have a happy ending any way :-p
in life one
