My friend recently got the bad news that she cant have a baby and she is of course shattered and feel very sad. Just a few weeks before that I found out that I am pregnant but hadnt told her yet.
The day I was planning to tell her was the day she got her bad news so I waited a week before mentioning it to her. She was so happy for me and celebrated our joy rightaway. she didnt show any sign of sadness that she isnt preganant while I am.
lately her text messages are becoming more and more depressing and sad. And I really do understand her situation and feelings. But due to my pregnancy I really feel tired, exhausted and both physically and mentally exhuasted.
I need rest and I need to hear positive stuff. Its all just so stressfull around me. I am working full time, active in extra culicular activities while hubby is very busy too so I hardly get any time to lay back and enjoy the fact that I am pregnant. I am soon finished with my first trimester and trying to get out of most of the extra culicular activities so I find time to rest but am at the same time in process of potentially changing job which means even more stress on its way.
I feel that in the past years this friend has really stressed out herself and also me. first it was her rishta process, then she got married and it was her in-laws, then it was her own family, then her studies, then her job situation and now its the baby issue.
Of course I believe in supporting my friends but just currently I reallly feel overwhelmed by everything and dont know how to respond to her. she needs support and I need rest. i dont want her to feel that i am not supporting her cuz I am expecting now and dont care about her situation but on the other hand i also feel that she should understand my condition and not always send such strongly depressing text messages
I really dont know what do to…dont want to be a bad friend…
Its not just one or two text messages. It can up to 20-30 messages a day describing her tension regarding her brother's marriage, how he use abusive language to her, how he treats his wife, how her bhabhi comes over crying at her place when she was planning to relax and rest her time off, how her in-laws mentions stuff about having kids and the list is loooooooooooong.
I have been there for her for the past many years trying to comfort and told her to take a stand. she is an intelligent woman and it bothers me that she vitimize herself when she sends me all these text messages.
like she has to discuss every single detail with me before making a decision which is cute when u r sixteen but she is 30+ and need to make her own decisions and stand firm on them.
I guess my feelings are a bit dual here. on one hand I do want to support her but on issues that really matters and on the other hand I truely need rest these days due to my own condition.
she is one of the few friends who knows about my pregnany and even when I tell her that what she just told me about her bro is giving me high BP she just says dont stress about it and continues sending me messages.
perhaps I shouldnt reply rightaway and give myself some space...she will understand that I need space and she can plan her daily life without having to involve me in every single thing....
i think you need to sit down with her and talk to her about your feelings and what you're going through without sounding like you're trying to ditch her or anything.........since you guys have been friends for so long i'm sure once you talk to her she'll understand and will still be there to support you through your pregnancy
has your friend really dealt with the issue of never being able to get pregnant? to me it seems like she is trying to ignore that issue and get herself preoccupied with other issues in her life, and making that a priority than what's at hand. and since you're a friend and she needs to talk about things, that's the topic she is able to talk you about; everything else. you need to tell her that she needs to deal with her fertility issues first and foremost. it's a life-altering news, nothing insignificant. and she needs to deal with it on her own. it's not something she can discuss with you or her family (excluding her husband ofcourse). and at the same time she needs to tell the rest of her family to leave her alone, let her deal with what's on her plate. and she has to work on making them leave her alone ie not pick up calls from family, or listen to brother's BP issues or SIL's abusive stories. it's easier to focus on other's problems than it's to focus on one's own.
Its not just one or two text messages. It can up to 20-30 messages a day describing her tension regarding her brother's marriage, how he use abusive language to her, how he treats his wife, how her bhabhi comes over crying at her place when she was planning to relax and rest her time off, how her in-laws mentions stuff about having kids and the list is loooooooooooong.
I have been there for her for the past many years trying to comfort and told her to take a stand. she is an intelligent woman and it bothers me that she vitimize herself when she sends me all these text messages.
like she has to discuss every single detail with me before making a decision which is cute when u r sixteen but she is 30+ and need to make her own decisions and stand firm on them.
I guess my feelings are a bit dual here. on one hand I do want to support her but on issues that really matters and on the other hand I truely need rest these days due to my own condition.
she is one of the few friends who knows about my pregnany and even when I tell her that what she just told me about her bro is giving me high BP she just says dont stress about it and continues sending me messages.
perhaps I shouldnt reply rightaway and give myself some space...she will understand that I need space and she can plan her daily life without having to involve me in every single thing....
