Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
i will wait for counseling result before giving any advice to jaleebi.
please share results with us.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
tell Sara to smarten up and stop being a coward.......
Just tell him. Don't ruin 2 lives
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
I would confront your friend/cousin sara, and demand an explanation of her strange behaviour. Either she wants to marry amir or not...what is counseling going to achieve if she is not interested?
If she she is not forth coming, threaten to tell all to fiance/dad, and then leave it at that.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
Of course, if you tell him, you will lose your friend, yet what kind of friend are you losing? Somebody who can't be straight and honest with anyone and who thinks it is better to jerk 2 entire families around.
Spill the beans. Truth is more important than anything. Period.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
**1) In this time (september), i found out something terrible...that Sara is having an affair with a white guy she met from work.
2) I feel so bad....he has no idea that Sara is not even living at home
3) I feel like we are cheating an innocent guy. And he is not having any relationships bc he is waiting for marriage**.
Let's get some FACTS cleared up:
1) How exactly did you find out that she's having an affair with the whilte guy? What exactly did you see or hear that made you believe that beyond a doubt, she's sexually involved with the white guy?
2) If Amir and his family does not know that Sara has moved out of the parents house....do you not think Sara's parents are also hiding the truth from his family? After all....isn't Sara's dad good friends with Amir's dad? Doesn't Sara's parents...especially the dad...also have a responsiblity of being honest with Amir's family? Do you have any interest in confronting her parents regarding why they are hiding this fact from Amir?
3) How well do you personally know Amir? How do you know for a fact that he's innocent and is not involved with any other girls? Or are you ASSUMING that he's innocent just b/c you haven't seen the evidence. After all....until you found out whatever you found out regarding Sarah....you also believed Sara was "innocent" too right?
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
oooh oooh i know ....i know....u have a crush on POOR amir
la la la lalaaaaaalalalala
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
buy the white guy a HSY suit and a horsie to ride in on.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
Look it's very simple:
Either you stay out of it completely since you are not directly involved and your own parents wouldnt want you to go messing around with this situation
OR
You stop complaining and take the plunge and tell Amir
I don't understand, this is NONE of your business (and if you are going to claim it IS, then go ahead and go for option 2)
We can only fix what is in our hands to fix. This isn't in your hands to fix. And it is not your place to fix it. If you want to do the "humane" thing, go ahead and tell Amir, but at the risk of dragging YOUR family ie your parents and siblings, into the battlefield of mudsplashing. Which will surely happen.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
Here's another idea... does Sara know that you know about the other boyfriend or did you just find out on your own?
IF and only if she doesn't know that you know and you don't want yourself to get directly involved but want Amir to know the truth... then somehow anonymously let him know what's going on.
That's one option. Otherwise the truth will eventually come out, hopefully it just won't be too late. That's why I think it's just best to stay out of it for now. See how things progress and if the lies continue.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
this happened to a friend of mine with her really close friend. the girl prolonged a NIKKAH (not even an engagement) for 3 years and 2 weeks before the wedding said no. my friend did nothing about it. and 2 lives were ruined.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
Just tell him. Don't ruin 2 lives
Agree..
How would you feel if you were in Amir's shoes and people around you knew but chose not to tell you?
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
yes but are you suggesting that perhaps the friend should have done something?
this happened to a friend of mine with her really close friend. the girl prolonged a NIKKAH (not even an engagement) for 3 years and 2 weeks before the wedding said no. my friend did nothing about it. and 2 lives were ruined.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
i completely agree with u.aur aapne jo kissa bataya that was hilarious.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
yes but are you suggesting that perhaps the friend should have done something?
I think I started off going in that direction but the more I think about it, the more I don't think that's a good idea. She needs 100% proof before she even mentions it, IF she mentions it ever. TBH, I would never mention it since I don't think I could handle the issues / rumors that would begin because of it.
I was just commenting on the sad situation. Everyone suffers. And there's no right answer. I don't think it really IS your business, if anything, you can--as a friend--exercise the right to slap her upside the head and try to knock sense into her. Sneaking around supplying info the fiance would cause...problems and seems really sketchy. TBH, I probalby wouldn't have the guts to tell the guy in the first place, so I'm not sure.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
Haan you are right. You can't really interfere, and I guess the best you can possibly do is perhaps speak to your own friend and perhaps their family.
I think I started off going in that direction but the more I think about it, the more I don't think that's a good idea. She needs 100% proof before she even mentions it, IF she mentions it ever. TBH, I would never mention it since I don't think I could handle the issues / rumors that would begin because of it.
I was just commenting on the sad situation. Everyone suffers. And there's no right answer. I don't think it really IS your business, if anything, you can--as a friend--exercise the right to slap her upside the head and try to knock sense into her. Sneaking around supplying info the fiance would cause...problems and seems really sketchy. TBH, I probalby wouldn't have the guts to tell the guy in the first place, so I'm not sure.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
IMO, this is not your business. If your cousin asks for your advice, tell her to make a choice, the work colleague or the rishtha. Otherwise stay out of it.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
tell amir every thing. that is the right thing. it will save sara too from her misery. tell amir pls.
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
Did u steal maats story line? Lol
Tell your cousin sleeping around before marriage is a major Sin...and u can go Marry Amir! :)
Re: Friend is having trouble with her fiancee (very long)
logged on to this site after seven months...well, a long suffering relationship is over....Amir's family came to the home, the ring was returned...all the while Sara was not home. The boy's family was still civil and just said kismat mein nahi thi yeh shaadi and they tried until the last minute. They said to the parents humari dosti hamesha qaim rahegi par iss baat ka ranj to rahega....it was really sad :(( Meanwhile Sara didn't even care, her dad was almost in tears calling her. Finally the week after that the mom got really annoyed at this diplomacy stuff, she checked the t-mobile billl and saw which address it had been updated to. She went to that address in her full shalwar kameez dupatta with new clothes for sara in hand. She was going to knock and then thought, "if i knock, she may see me and not open it". She moved the handle slightly and to her surprise it opened...she looked right in Sara's eyes..she was sitting their in tiny boxer shorts and a tank top and she grabbed a blanket and jumped up and said "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE"...aunty was so shocked and angered in that second because on the other sofa, she saw the top of a man's head. Sara had been LIVING with him, not a girl. Aunty yelled to uncle at the bottom of the stairs that your daughter is living with this guy. the daughter threatened to call police so the parents left. after that day they are so depressed, especially the dad. he said biggest mistake of his life is moving here. and we taught her islam and every good thing from a young age, she was never a bad child. so why did she play this game? her ex-fiance is still my FB friend and he has not deleted the engagement pictures. we had a whole big group, now all the relations between everyone are very stilted and formal..we used to say before when we saw one case like this that "hmm that family was really americanized" or whatever...it is a good lesson. Never say anything, even the most shareef family can have something like this happen. This is the price we pay for living in these type of countries.
Now next week, aunty is going to court as sara's boyfriend has served her with a restraining order and says she was trespassing his property. So yeah..that's it...girls and guys, before u jump into a relationship, think about the people it will effect.. i really feel that now.