Hi all!
I was just wondering that how much freedom should parents give to their children for making decisions for their career,education,marriage,etc?I believe some parents are so strict that they would impose their decisions on their kids,and force them to go into careers,education,etc which they like for their children.Ofcourse,parents always wish the best for their children,but,is it always good if parents impose their decisions on their children?What do you think how much freedom should parents give to their children for making decisions in life?
Re: Freedom in making decisions
i think you should always encourage them to do what you consider best. meanwhile always try to brush up on your best. older children shouldnt be forced to choose a profession, once they are capable of making and carrying out decisions they require respect.
Re: Freedom in making decisions
Well, my parents let us make our decisions regarding career as long as we consulted with them both being professionals and having successful careers themselves. They were in a good position to guide us and we felt comfortable talking to them.
Regarding marriage, my sister and I both found our husbands and my parents had some reservations but after logical reasoning and most importantly trusting our decisions, we both are masha’Allah happily married for many years.
I think having good communication with parents is key where kids aren’t afraid of their parents but respect their thought process. I hope I can be a sensible parent and not as possessive and dominating as I think I am at this point… :hinna:
Hi,
I believe that as children get older, parents should encourage them to develop the confidence in making their own decisions. Hopefully, if you have instilled good values in your children, then they will base their decisions on those values. Parents can help promote healthy independence by showing that they trust their children and gradually giving them responsibility for things.
Issues such as marriage and career are very serious life-altering matters. Parents can guide their children, but it's not healthy to impose your decisions on children and force them into obedience through belittling criticism, foolish threats, and emotional black mail. Save that for the movies, please!
I understand that parents have a strong desire to protect their children, but OVER-PROTECTION is harmful to their development as they won't develop the confidence to face challenges or use their own thinking skills. There is nothing wrong in making mistakes. You learn from exploring options, from trying things out, and even from making mistakes. If you're so afraid of falling down all the time, how will you learn how to run?
I've seen parents force their children into marriages against their will.......which turned out disastrous. And I've seen adults that are miserable because they feel stuck in careers that were chosen by their parents and not by them. Its really crippling and disturbing on many levels when kids feel that their dreams are invalidated by their own parents.
My dad wanted me to major in engineering because he wanted me to have a well paying and secure job. I thought that was HILARIOUS.....considering how he knows I struggle with math and science and have lLITTLE if any interest in the subjects. ME as an ENGINEER? "Didn't he know me at all?" I thought to myself. Much to his dismay, I majored in education and became a teacher. He wasn't crazy about it, but he didn't stop me either. Nor did he force me to be an engineer......funny as that was.
Then, later I decided to get my Masters. This time, my dad was hopeful. He was hoping I'd get my Masters in computers, or business, or engineering........anything but education. Well, I crushed his hopes again. I got a masters in education!!!!! He wasn't crazy about it............but he was VERY PROUD of me. I appreciated my parents' open-mindedness. And as a result of their support, I developed more confidence in myself. And from that experience, I learned that I have the intelligence and the capability to achieve my goals. And IF in the future, I ever decide to get a degree in something else besides education (not engineering, lol), I know that I'll have the strength to do so.
My parents have guided me, but they allow me to make my own decisions. I know they've raised me well with good strong moral values, so they trust me.
One of the most important things a parent can do is develop self-confidence in a child. And some freedom has to be given in order to promote that.