I did write that someone should be given one chance, but if their behaviour is consistently confusing etc, then that’s red flags. You do need to investigate. You can’t just sit there do nothing and be part of an emotionally abusive marriage or relationship, for the sake of kids or wtf what will the society think etc. That’s the problem with the typical mentality, keep forgiving, and keep getting used.
Then again it is subjective to someone’s perception of how big a sin cheating is. For some people it is acceptable and they can live with the fact that their partner had an emotional or physical affair with someone, but for some people it shakes them just thinking of that. People will react differently. Some might forgive once, some forgive always and become doormats, some have the guts to leave someone who cheats them and get into a relationship with a person that truly loves them.
Oh and I talk from countless experiences. I have many friends that have been cheated on, married and unmarried, I myself have gone through something similar in the past. Plus I watch way too much Jeremy Kyle for my own good.
Here is the complication, though, many men in religious societies don’t have to pass the fidelity standards of the west, they are legally and religiously allowed, 4 wives. He can just say he is hunting for #2 is not as easy as you have mentioned …must be easier in villages or less-educated ppl but not all over Pakistan…yes men can always say that but women here r not as weak as u think 2nd marriage is still considered a big thing not only the wife but other family members raise concerns too…](http://gupshup.org/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2)
I am talking in an ideological way and mindset in monogamous cultures the man would feel really guilty about cheating as the society sees it as an immoral act but in cultures where legally you are allowed several wives men don’t have the same guilt associated with it. many of my wealthy and influential friends had several affairs and never seemed to feel guilty, plane loads also went to Thailand to do whatever and no pangs of conscience. I also watched a video about Saudi Royals and their womanizing ways. Yes you are right the availability is a factor for the average joe but not for the influential.
But Bobby Uncle wouldn’t u say polygamy is more common in middle east then subcontinent. Also isn’t permission needed of first wife in some places. Aren’t ur friends who have had affairs not worried the wife will take khula and divorce if they cheat or take on more wives.
A female should have standards and not bend the standards because a guy is emotionally pleading. If her standard is she doesn’t want her husband to have second wife she should tell him clearly this is reason enough for separation. No comfort or luxury is worth the emotonal trauma of being forced to accept something you know is not right for u.
But they can only have multiple wives if they can treat all equally and most know they can’t emotionally treat all equally. Surely this gives them some guilt that they cannot do this
Agree. Things are changing. Have you seen waada drama? It’s interesting. The husband marries the maid even though his wife is perfect and his whole family is siding with bhabhi including mil. They have disowned him and mil even wanted to give inheritance to daughter in law. I guess one of the few advantages of living with family after marriage if mil treats the bahu like a daughter. Maybe just a drama but all the yt comments agreed with this. I only saw one comment saying yeh drama muslim hai ke nahi. 2nd marriage allowed hai logon ko aitraaz kyun hai. Itni badi cheez nahi hai.
Unless the husband can treat all wives equally he cannot marry again yeh bhi hai. People also forget that wife is allowed to separate house and she is not obligated to take care of family members which most do anyway.
Baita it is about the ideology, I had very wealthy friends and they were involved with scores of people even after being married and never seen them have any guilt, Saudis are travelling world over to do bad deeds and never seen them have pangs of conscience either. One of my white friend cheated on his wife and guilt was so much that he confessed to her and she made his life hell for decades and he paid his dues with respect. When I used to socialize here many married guys would talk bad about white girls and I wondered how they would feel if the wives talk about lusting white guys. I think you shouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t want your wife to do and be mutually respectful.
Uncle I understand for your wealthy friends it would be socially acceptable but I don’t know how they can’t have a guilty conscience knowing their wife is waiting faithfully for them while they have number of relationships. I realise they may not be emotionally involved with all people but it is obviously going to be emotionally traumatic on their wife. It affects not only her trust but also her self esteem. They travel world over because they cannot do it in their country. If the wife did anything like that she would be punished harshly.
These pangs of conscience I guess only come in those few moments before death/or while dying when they look back on their lives. Then they look around and no one is there to care for them or no one cares about them with their parents gone and all they have is their mobile phone with record of their infidelities. At the end of the day on the last day and in those last moments it’s mostly family that surrounds you and your spouse if one has a good relationship with them. It’s them that stay the longest not travel buddies or temporary affairs.
if only someone could explain this to them while they are young.
Sad about your white friend who convinced and was treated harshly but at the same time it would have been a tough experience on his wife. These days most in west would divorce for infidelity.
I guess if the married wife’s did same they would not tolerate it. I think in West and East manhood/mardangani is defined by these talks about girls, being competitive and successful but it should really be defined by values of respect for girls and being protective of family. Relationships should be mutually respectful.
Come on Bobby Uncle. It’s not just a western thing but no doubt after colonialism people in the West have become more empathetic. Would native Americans and African Americans agree that Caucasians are mostly empathetic. Maybe we don’t become better when older but we are more experienced. Sometimes we learn from our experiences sometimes not. I don’t think women are more powerful than males just yet even in the West. There are stories of empathy in the East. Just have to look to find them.
