Re: Forgiving your spouse
Absolutely. As weird as this may sound, if someone cheats on you, you have to investigate your partner like a criminal incident. This can’t always be done, if the partner is being reluctant, being aggressive, and being arrogant about their actions; but still one should try. If the person that has cheated is forthcoming about the circumstances and want to be honest about it, they need to be given at least one chance. Agree with you, especially where you said about the circumstances, the depth of the affair, whether there is any emotional attachment involved or not, and especially ‘WHO’ initiated it.
Also, yes, when someone cheats on you - the trust factor diminishes, or in some cases absolutely gets eradicated. How can you trust someone with your intimate details, secrets, your naked soul rantings, your weaknesses, your physical self; when you know they’ve cheated on you and they might do it again. Once trust is gone, bitterness kicks in too from time to time, and sometimes if things go sour between a couple; your whole being is at stake because of how much the other person knows about you and what they can do with that information. Beware of not your enemy in plain sight, but the enemy that pretends to be your friend kind of thing. They can act against you at anytime, and because of no trust, or lack of it, you are left to deal with paranoia.
One thing is for sure, when someone cheats on you, they do not remain the same person anymore. Neither do you. You get hurt, you change, you feel pain, and sometimes regardless of how much you try to give the person a chance to have the same position in your sex life, and normal life as they had before, it isn’t always possible. Some women cannot fathom the image of their husband being in bed with someone else, and every time they will try to be normal with their partner, they’ll remember everything that hurts them and brings them pain again. Some people on the other hand can push past the pain and hurt, to reinstate their happy married life, provided that the partner solemnly swears on not cheating again and sticks to their promise.
It depends on person to person. Sometimes people overlook things in order to have a married life, for the sake of their kids, themselves etc, sometimes if circumstances permit, they separate and live their own lives; because they don’t want to deal with complexities, challenges and headaches in the long run. Sometimes people can also remain in such a relationship where their partners cheat, because they’re very emotionally weak and can’t speak up for themselves. They do not have the courage to get out of their comfort zone and demand explanations etc, regardless of how much they’re hurting inside. They do not possess the emotional and physical strength to leave such a person too. In this case outside/family intervention is required.