Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

[LuxuryItem]

Dear Cary,

I have been out of the closet as a gay woman for the last 10 years or so. I have never been in a relationship with someone who did not define themselves as gay or bi, until now. For six months I had an affair with a married woman who seduced me. I ended it a month ago.

It was an intense relationship for a couple of reasons. First, we are both from the same Latin American country. The other reason is that we are both psychotherapists. (Yes, we are crazy, aren’t we?) This bonded us because it allowed us to speak to each other in the same language: not just our cultural one, but our professional one. We understood each other in the deepest way.
…

http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2006/08/03/grocery_clerk/

Would you find it easy to forgive your wife? Would her emotional infidelity be FAR MORE deplorable an act than her physical indiscretion and why?

[Mehnaz]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

Emotional infidelity is worse cause it shows that there was more to the relationship than just the physical needs ... your feelings, heart, possibly soul is involved. Physical relationship *can *lead to this, but it isn't necessarily always the case.

It depends. Would I forgive my spouse if he was emotionally unfaithful to me? It's hard to say. It would probably kill me, but who knows, I may just get over it. I can't say until I am in this situation (God forbid).

[LuxuryItem]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

^

men and women would find different acts hurtful. I wonder how much cultural/societal programming plays into this. Let's face it, lot of peoples' reactions are based out of fear of the larger community.

[niyal]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

i would not let my wife be a psychotherapists!

[lastknightess]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

Forgiveness is one thing, forgetting it is another.

Moving past it woudl be hard, very hard, things would never be the same again.

[dutch_paki]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

I wouldnt forgive my spouse :) This or physical needs or any other kind of need. Somethings are just unforgivable for me. I would probably pack my bags and leave :)

[niyal]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

surely possesive people would never tolerate .

[dutch_paki]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

@niyal

surely possesive people would never tolerate .

I really dont see what it has to do with being possesive?
I mean, dont tell me you would share your spouse with some one else? :o

[LuxuryItem]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

@dutch_paki

I wouldnt forgive my spouse :) This or physical needs or any other kind of need. Somethings are just unforgivable for me. I would probably pack my bags and leave :)

Shouldn't she be leaving?

Is your lack of forgiving or even act of taking offense a learned/conditioned behavior?

[niyal]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

@dutch_paki

I really dont see what it has to do with being possesive?
I mean, dont tell me you would share your spouse with some one else? :o

no i would never ever think that

by possesive i meant a decent man or a gentle man .

[Afridi786]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

Emotional infidelity is worse than physical infidelity, nice to know.

[Krypton]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

if u cant forgive u cant forget

[fallenpieta]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

If your GF/wife thinks about another man after a quick glance, is that considered emotional infidelity?

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

Brokeback Mountain: Latina version

Women’s emotional needs are very hard to fulfill, most of the time they expect it to fulfilled, which is insane because two peoples cannot be same on every level, you have to work on filling the void. You have to be straightforward if in any way your partner or spouse is emotionally unavailable to you because this can lead both of them to having extramarital affairs. People think that men do that for physical needs, which is a false assumption.

Forgiveness is an interesting point because it really depends on the husband and his reaction, if he takes it has a cheating than I doubt he will forgive. I think he will surprised that his wife is bi or gay.

[LuxuryItem]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

@Man with a Plan

I think he will surprised that his wife is bi or gay.

A good husband would be pleasently surprised. :D

[Muslim_Met_Fan]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

I'd be like sharing is caring...jk

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

Desi wife said to her husband when he returned home from a hard day of work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon we are going to be three in this house instead of two.”

The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, “Oh Janu, I am the happiest man in the world.”

“I am glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my amma moves in with us!”

[Naughty_by_Nature]

Re: Forgiving Emotional Infidelity

Erm...you cant really screw at someone if their feelings have chnaged for you...you can account people for their actions then not their feelings...

So if shes feeling that she doesnt love me and she tells me then i cant blame her...it will hurt me but you cant help your feelings right?...

Now cheating for instance is an action...its not a feeling which you have no control over but its a conscious decision to do something that will hurt me and that is unforgivable...

Equally as bad is feelings changing and you not communicating that to me...if you make a conscious decision not to tell me how you feel then that is unacceptable...

All in all you can be upset but you cant account people for their feelings...Allah accounts us for our actions not our thoughts or feelings...why should we act any differently...