Damn girl, you only see the bad not the good smh.
Take him to a therapist.
Once in a month is not a good average… you are comparing your average with those couples who have babies and tough time to intimate.
Your average should 21 days in a month. I can imagine if you have babies, you guys will intimate in a decade or two.
Is he having tension and stress ? Do you guys work late hours?
The dude may be 100% medically fit and still have a low libido/sex drive.
I’d suggest talk to him about seeing a sex therapist. That is if there is one where you live.
I don’t know what to tell you. The next time he responds with “Yes, I do,” don’t accept it and call him out on it. You don’t have to be aggressive about it. But just tell him (gently) that his words are not matching up with his actions and that you feel unhappy in the marriage because your rights as a wife are not being fulfilled, and that he needs to tell you what’s going on so that the two of you can work through this together. Hear him out, let’s see what he has to say. Ask him what he expects of you, how you can help, etc. You can suggest seeing a therapist or a doctor. And if things don’t improve, then you can consider taking a break away from him (go spend time with family) or you might have to involve family and figure out what the next step for this marriage is and what direction you both you want your lives to take. Hopefully it won’t get to that stage and things will sort themselves out. But for now, you have to talk to him.
2 Likes
Ok I just wanted to point out that I would take more heed to the advice of following 4 people, SID_NY, Icono, Nomi, Stoppit, respectively. They know what they are talking about, the rest I would take with a grain of salt.
I agree aqua70… but
okay so sex therapist ?? Really? I dont know if he would agree, but i could bring it up
not sure if hes having an affair, but if he liked someone, i would find out eventually.. and we are open in that aspect of our relationship.. we had to fight our families to be with ech other, so obv it was a love marriage
jus the sex part/ or any other umm intimate stuff/ is not there
yes, he does take care of himself as well- we are both modern- kinded, like-minded, both take care of ourselves, our bodies..open communication .. but no intimacy..
i find myself craving to be with a man, with him .. i want to be loved physically as a wife .. this is upsetting me sooooo much
i am now at a point where i have stopped bringing bring intimate or having kids at this point .. and lo and behold- he doesnt either
Get a referral for psyschosexual therapy from your doctor. They address both physical and psychological elements of the problem. In case if there are issues with performance anxiety and psychogenic/stress-related psychogenic impotence, a short course of sildenafil or tadalafil can just work in the short term till he regains his confidence.
I am sorry how you feel right now. It must be hard to have a husband who may not be making you feel like a woman, feel loved, feel desired! look after yourself, may be seek help if you are feeling low or depressed and please see your doctor, they may be able to give you more useful and meaningful advice than some strangers on a public forum.
Don’t badger him into going to a therapist…it could fire back real bad…he be like..''you think i am nuts" ???
You only take someone to therapy, once they accept the need for it… otherwise it will just be a waste of time, money and emotional energy…with a deteriorated relationship as collateral damage…
2 Likes
I think at this point, rather than trying to keep guessing what may the cause, try to get him to recognise there is a mismatch in your desires and level of libido and that it’s making you unhappy. Pushing the idea of children is just going to exacerbate the problem.
As for people commenting on what is/isn’t enough, every couple is different. The only thing that matters is that you are both happy/content with however it is. To me, it doesn’t seem like the frequency is even the main issue here, it’s the lack of intimacy in general and that he’s disengaged. His mind is clearly elsewhere.
Some posters have given you suggestions of some possible factors but you’re not willing to entertain them, so there’s really no point going further.
Stress
Go take a break from his lifestyle or a short vacation
Forgot about it and go for relaxation
2 Likes
Pop culture may have us believe that men in relationships will always have higher desire but that is not true. Having lower desire in men is less common but quite normal and doesn’t make a man any less of a man. Getting turned down repeatedly by spouse is extremely hurtful but being considerate always helps in improving the situation.
There are few things in the world that would make a man as defensive as this. It’s a nightmare for a man to be this vulnerable in the eyes of his lady so don’t discuss it with him when he is vulnerable. Let him off the hook and bring up the matter in a non-judgmental and non-interrogative manner some other time but not too often. Praise his efforts even if you know they are below par.
Husband and wife both need each other?s support in such matters from time to time. If you take most of the decisions in the relationship, it?s time to let him take charge gradually even if you are a better decision maker. Basically give up some control, for example, if he wants to meet his family/friends without tagging you along, let him do that. It?ll boost his confidence when done in a subtle way if that is what he lacks and it goes a long way. If this sounds counter-intuitive, read up on link between loss of control in relationship and withdrawal in men.
Last but psychologically most important thing is not to mock or compare his efforts with someone else’s. Such remarks once heard cannot be unheard and can throw even a confident man off-balance. So if you have said something like that in the past, compensate for it by saying positive things.
3 Likes
Sometimes in relationships, you are emotionally so intimate and engaged that something like stress-related sexual dry spell does not faze you. From what you are saying, it seems like, with physical intimacy, the emotional intimacy is missing too. I would have a conversation about needing to be with a partner who is present with you. I would lay my needs on the table - my needs to be both emotionally and physically intimate. I would also gently mention that I wouldn’t be able to go on in a marriage that lacks those aspects - this of course you can only say if you know that you won’t want to stay in that kind of a marriage.
Sometimes, it is very important to express the depth and reality of our limits without being afraid, or cruel. Hopefully, it’s just an issue of him not realizing just how important this is to you. Hopefully, it’s something like work that has taken up his time.
If it’s more than that, if it’s something like distorted beliefs about sex, or sex in long-term relationships, or what-have-you, you just need to get it out in the open to be able to figure them out. And ofcourse, like some male posters have mentioned, his limiting beliefs would have to be explored with care - which is why I suggest expressing your feelings in a truthful, non-hurtful manner to allow the conversation to open up to his ideas about sex.
I second stress. It takes anyone down and if it is, forget intimacy or anything. Make it a date night as much as possible. Wear something he adores. And do pleasant talk. you’ll be fine
**
**Best foods for the activity you are looking for in your Hubby are:
-
Watermelon especially the white part that everyone throws away.
-
Cocoa beans / aka Chocolate
-
Avocados
-
Maca **the maca plant is used by the Peruvian culture to increase strength, stamina, energy, fertility, and libido
**5. Walnuts
-
Salmon , or any Cold Water Fish
-
Pumpkin and Pumpkin seeds
-
Wheat Germ
All of the above work just fine … Good Luck
Ah Yes and cut down your intake of refined Sugars, Softly killing Soft Drinks, French Fries and other non beneficial foods!**
Does he exercise?
I?ve casually brought up going to a therapist of some sort to help with this, he?s not agreeing to it, saying there is no problem.
stress is normal stuff like saving up money for the future, making sure we are secure in our jobs etc etc.. nothing major that could be affecting this
By the time eid rolls around, it will be 2 months that we?ve had intimacy, as he believes having any type of intimacy during the month of ramadan is haram, even though i?ve shown him sermons etc proving that is isn?t, and that as long as you aren?t fasting ie, between maghrib and fajr, you are allowed to- he won?t listen.
and who knows how much longer after that. I am not a sex crazy person, but when your own husband won?t come near you beyond touching your chest and kissing you, well, I dont know what else to do but wait
No offense but maybe you can ask your husband if he’s into women. Idk who can go so long with out doin it if they’re married and he’s making the whole Ramadan rule up, it only applies if you’re fasting and any blueblooded man will find it hard to resist. Just weird.
Princess…
You’ve asked him if he wants kids
You’ve asked him he is even attracted to you
You’ve asked him if he wants to be intimate with you
You’ve asked if he wants to go see a therapist
At this point, what do you have to lose? Just ask him if he’s gay, too.
String the III would like to know.