foreign se rishta

Lifestyle Relationships
1

assalam Alaikum
This is my first post so I don’t know how to begin
well generally speaking, I just finished my MBA and now my family has started to look for a rishta for me.
But the thing that bothers me most is the fact that mama is looking for a guy who is settled abroad.
And wat is worse, my aunts and family members are encouraging her.
They keep on making statements like “Pakistan ke halaat naahi theek”
I am scared because I don’t want to go so far from my family
so my question to all you girls, do parents usually place more importance on guys who are settled abroad or my parents are exception.

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Re: foreign se rishta

Looks like Zardari's wreck of a tenure is causing two populations to be looking at long-term celibacy : the pakistani boys in pakistan - no one wants to marry them, and the pakistani girls abroad - cuz their potential MIL's are looking for girls in Pakistan.

I bet it feels pretty good to be a munda in Amreeka these days, everyone's trying to get into your pants. :)

Poor Pakistani boys, who is gonna marry them?

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Re: foreign se rishta

what's wrong in looking for a match in a foreign land? there is no place on earth that is more than 15-17 hours of flying time. good and bad guys are everywhere. you just have to be careful.

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Re: foreign se rishta

OP, do you have a older cousin/sister/sister-in-law or someone else related to you who you get on with and could explain your desire to stay close to family in Pakistan?

There's educated brothers in Pakistan too; however if your family feel things are not safe for you I guess they want your safety? Do you live in a large city with lots of security issues? Perhaps your family could consider ristaas in other cities if that's the case?

Regarding your question; sorry to say this but I think it depends on the family it's not a universal parent code.

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Re: foreign se rishta

My family thinks that guys settled abroad might be more financially secure (most of them) and tend to be more educated

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Re: foreign se rishta

That's just sad. Most of my family is back in Pakistan, and I take offense to people thinking guys back home are jaahil poor idiots.

Nearly every cousin of mine (male) has done me proud. I have the occasional one or two slackers, but that's their own damn choice. Everyone else is doing great - advanced degrees with good jobs.

There are good guys available in Pakistan, you just have to look.

Not everything is about using your kid to go visa/green card fishing.

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Re: foreign se rishta

Why would said Mundas feel pretty good? They are rejected just as much here. Likewise, girls here are equally sought after from Pakistani men and their families.

btw, just curious - would you consider the great guys from back home for yourself?

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Re: foreign se rishta

The last few guys I've talked to all from over there, including the current guy.

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Re: foreign se rishta

Excellent. No need to feel bad for them then as clearly smart amreeki kuriyan are still interested in them.

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Re: foreign se rishta

:hehe:

Still doesn’t do justice to the opportunistic nature of pakistanis.

Someone said ke Pakistanis : apnay ma’a ko bhech ke awaein, that’s how unethically opportunistic we are.

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Re: foreign se rishta

and why the hell polygamy is not allowed in America ????

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Re: foreign se rishta

Aww, poor Nami can't have his harem.

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Re: foreign se rishta

I don't thinkui am getting any useful replies here
BTW I told mom that tuhere are good guys in Pak and If possible she should first look in Pakistan
So far she has shown that she is cooperative but at the end she would simply want to please the aunties and keep looking rishta from abroad
none of you answered my original question except one or two, am very dissapointed

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Re: foreign se rishta

Is there noway of you talking to your aunts about your feelings? Are there kids married abroad too?

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Re: foreign se rishta

It's silly for your parents to reject guys in your city/country b/c they're assuming every guy there is bad. But its equally silly for you to NOT want a guy who is settled abroad b/c you don't want to move away from your parents.

Even if you marry a guy who right now lives in the same neighborhood....there is no guarantee that after marriage, he won't want to move away b/c of his job or some other reason. Part of being a married woman (especially in the desi culture) is accepting that sooner or later, we might have to re-locate and live in a different city/country than our parents. Although its misguided, it sounds like your parents are looking for outside rishtas b/c they believe that's what best for your future.

So my advice for you is to let your parents do their search and bring suitable rishtas to you. Reject rishtas based on useful things like compatiblity, their personality, physical attraction etc. But for you to refuse to even consider abroad rishtas just b/c you don't want to move away after marriage is just as bad as your parents not wanting to consider rishtas in Pakistan.

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Re: foreign se rishta

Saira: I do not think its a good idea. Your parents first preference to choose a guy for you should be within city and in acquaintance...

May be your parents standards are too much high fi

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Re: foreign se rishta

Your parents are not an exception. Lots of families in Pakistan want their children to settle abroad...for better career options, for better security, for better basic resources, etc. I recently visited Pakistan after 7 years. One prominent change I noticed in my social circle was that 7 years ago, people were facing the same set of problems, but they were content aur har haal main Allah ka shukar ada karte thay. Now, that attitude has changed to restlessness, frustration and want for escape. I was surprised at the number of families who have 1+ sons abroad (and majority of them went through illegal means).

Anyway, that is not to say that *everyone *prefers to go abroad. There still are families there who have no intention of permanently moving out of Pak. Some of my cousins are turning 20+ and their mothers have started looking for their proposals ... they are focusing on the same/neighbouring city so their daughter can stay close to home. Also, a few families inquired to my parents for my proposal but they wanted me to move to Pakistan after marriage. These families are all well off in Pakistan...their son either studied at one of the top institutions in Pak or from abroad but once the study is complete, they want their son to stay in Pakistan in their ancestral home. So that was a turnoff for us, but surely there still are many families who are happier staying in Pakistan than anywhere else in the world.

Does that answer your question?
You didn't really ask for advice. So I won't give any.