its a long read, but its interesting…
EXPLAINING FOREIGN POLICY IN THE SIMPLEST TERMS:
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That’s because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that’s why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn’t find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That’s because the weapons are so well hidden. Don’t worry, we’ll
find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I’m confused. If they had all those weapons
that they planned to use in a war, then why didn’t they use any of
those
weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn 't want anyone to
know they had those weapons so they chose to die by the thousands
rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn’t make sense Daddy. Why would they
choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back
with?
A: It’s a different culture. It’s not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don’t know about you, but I don’t think they
had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn’t matter whether or
not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade
them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
was cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another
country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes
it OK to invade his country?
A: Well!, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don’t go comparing China to Iraq. China is a
good economic competitor,where millions of people work for slave
wages in
sweatshops to make U.S.corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporategain, it’s
a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing
the government. Peoplewho criticized the government in Iraq were
sent
to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn’t that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What’s the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the
Ba’ath party, while China is Communist. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came
to
power through a military coup, so he’s not really a legitimate
leader anyway.
Q: What’s a military coup?
A: That’s when a military general takes over the
government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections
like
we do in the United States.
Q: Didn’t the ruler of Pakistan come to power by
a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah,
he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate
Q: Didn’t you just say a military general who
comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government
of a
nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our
friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen
of them Saudi Arabians hijacked four airplanes and flew three of
them
into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained,
under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren’t the Taliban those bad radical Islamics
who chopped off people’s heads and hands?!
A: Yes, that’s exactly who they were. Not only
did they chop off people’s heads and hands, but they oppressed
women, too.
Q: Didn’t the Bush administration give the
Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they
did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people’s heads
and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut
people’s heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It’s OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off people’s hands for growing flowers, but
it’s
cruel if they cut off people’s hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don’t they also cut off people’s hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That’s different. Now, don’t go comparing
Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers
on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they were trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he
was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion
of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil
Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union
broke up in 1990 or there abouts, and now they have elections and
capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided
not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we’re mad at them now.
We’re also mad
at the French and the Germans because they didn’t help us invade
Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we
had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and
Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn’t do what we
want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn’t Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s ?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
ourfriend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn’t that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran
at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his
friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes
our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that’s true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better..
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America’s side, anyone who opposes
war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why
we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George
W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you’re saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.
