This is not about the rightness and wrongness of a forced marriage, because it is wrong and wrong and wrong…
What i want to guage is, as a sibling that is attending what is known to you as a ‘forced marriage’ and in a position that your helpless to do anything - how would you or should you act
I mean for a wedding there are clothes and preps and smiles…do you forego all this in sign of protest? Or do you go with the flow
I know its a really dumb question but it just stemmed from a debate that i had with a friend.
She was of the opinion that if for e.g. the wedding is in pak…the siblings shouldnt even attend. But i thought that despite the circumstances…one would still need a support system…so siblings arent there to rejoice but offer limited support they can
well the sibling who is in da forced marriage is obviously going with da flow despite her reluctance and u as her sibling should do da same too.... unless u can stop da marriage.
who knows it might be the only marriage she will ever have? maybe she'll have a good marriage? why take da chance and spoil it?
since the wedding is taking place despite the unhappiness, might as well look at da brighter side and look forward to making it work for her.
welllll…forced marraige is wrong…especially in a western world like UK, USA…and i dnt understand how parents cvan even think of gettin their daughters a forced marraige because they should know what century we live in …i think the sibling should talk to the mum and sort something out…because forced marriage nowadays is a no
i think in a situation where one sibling is the type or has parents who would force a marriage....the siblings are the same thus they would be pressured to attend/participate to save face...
As a sibling, I would try to communicate that a forced marriage in the eyes of Islam is not correct and that Allah swt has given the girl the LAST say in the matter- she says yes, or no. And that's that. If need be, I'd get scholars involved to help convince the parties involved.
If there's no way out of it, and the parents won't listen to neither religion nor other reason, and the sibling is not willing to run away from home in order to avoid it, then it would be worse for one to to go to the wedding.
If one does not go, the sibling will feel even more isolated. It is better to go and express full sympathy for the subling and let them knwo explicitly that you are not goign to condone or celebrate the marriage, but you are going to mourn it with the sibling and to provide them with what comfort you can and they go through the tragedy of the travesty of this so-called wedding.
Also, if the victim is a British citizen was already in Pakistan before being told that they were being forced to marry.... one could inform the British Embassy in Islamabad which can and does organize a civilian snatch squad to get them out of there.
Go to the wedding and wear the same clothes you would to a funeral and when anyone asks why, explain to them that your jaahil parents are forcing your sibling into marriage and that you're there to mourn the marriage not celebrate it.
The parents should be ashamed of themselves and be embarrassed at every opportunity.
I disagree with this, parents can make mistakes too, one of the biggest mistakes they can make is to make such big decisions FOR you even if you don’t agree.
I dont mean to stray from the topic at hand.
But I just dont agree with calling someone's parents Jahil.
I am not saying that parents dont make mistakes - everyone does, we are all human beings.
But I dont think any parent is sitting there thinking
"hmm let me force this marriage on my daughter/son so that they lives are completely horrible."
I think parents choose spouses for thier children because they think its best for thier children.
Guys, forced marriages are more than just physically making someone get married. It can be a case of emotional blackmail.
If a person is getting into a marriage simply because they feel they are doing such a monumental disservice to their parents by refusing, that's still a forced marriage.
Your advice to divorce etc would not help because the person would not divorce for the same reason as they agreed to get married despite not wanting to.
If a girl is led to believe that refusing a marriage would bring immense shame on her family and agrees to a marriage she doesn't want solely to protect their honour, that's still a forced marriage that she would, however reluctantly, still commit to try and make work. Offers of help with a divorce are fanciful.
Those for whom a forced marriage in inavoidable, need the support of their siblings...rather than foregoing the ceremony, the siblings should be there to provide the emotional support and reassurance needed at such a difficult time...
If their married life is not one which is willingly entered into, they can at least rest easy knowing they have a loyal support unit to turn to when things get too much
its totally wrong and just because parents believe its in their kids best interests, it doesn't automatically make it so. if they loved their kids and really wanted what was best, they would sit their kids down, explain their logic, listen to their kids objections and then see if their decision was making their daughter/son truly unhappy. and if it did, they wouldnt just storm off or force the issue, they'd call it off. i've seen this firsthand. someone very close to me was pushed into an engagement at 16. she is a very, very goodlooking girl and her folks were petrified she'd become "bad" if she wasn't married, plus she was getting tons of rishtas. this is what happened- she said yes despite not wanting to but out of a feeling of, i can't let my parent down even though she hated the guy and wouldn't even let him hold her hand at the engagement, ended up cutting school, smoking, drinking, acting out, failing several classes, and finally threatened to kill herself in front of her parents one morning. she felt like once she was married at 17, her life would be over. she'd be stuck in small town america in the middle of nowhere with nothing but community college and kids to look foward to (nothing wrong with those things, but you know, from a 16 year old's perspective, not the best kind of future). it was horrific. it was traumatic. and it was absolutely WRONG. it took her, and her family, years to get over it. she's still paying the price for it academically. her parents are soooo sorry now and regret it so much, but you know, you can't change things once they've happened.
so parents shouldnt do something so stupid, especially if they claim they know your kids better than the kids know themselves.
p.s: her parents are usually really nice, logical, lovely people, and i truly think they just made a BIG mistake.
I think the worst thing you can do is abandon your sibling at such a difficult time. Obviously the marriage shouldn't be happening, but if it is happening, and it is an unavoidable fact, your protest is more selfish than caring. Your sibling needs your care and support, needs someone to turn to who s/he can trust during this difficult time. If you can get her/him out of the marriage before it happens, at least help her/him work through it.
…i think the sibling should talk to the mum and sort something out…because forced marriage nowadays is a no 
