These kind of stories are mentioned again and again, each time a sad read.
http://www.dawn.com/weekly/review/review4.htm
By Shahid Shah
Shahid Shah reports on the tragic tale of yet another couple denied their right to live in peace as husband and wife.
Shaista Almani, a primary school teacher in a private school of Pano Aqil, married Balakhsher alias Qadir Bux Maher, on June 1 this year, but the couple disclosed their marriage after three months. The newly weds, who chose to marry discreetly, were fearful of the consequences they were going to have to face as they both belong to separate castes, and were therefore unable to publicly celebrate this momentous occasion in their lives. At the time this report was filed, Shaista had been sent to Edhi Home by a local court in Karachi, as she had been declared Kari by her relatives, who did not want her to marry this man.
She remains extremely upset, and is always on the verge of tears as she is apprehensive about future clashes between her clan and that of her husband’s. “My husband and I have been in hiding since the day we disclosed our marriage,” she says. “We went to Islamabad but men from my village came there. Then we sought refuge in a flat in Saddar, here in Karachi, but they found us and beat me up, while my husband went to seek help from Madadgar. Though the men have fled, we still fear that fear for our lives.”
This case has received coverage in the Sindhi press the like of which had not been witnessed before. It is anticipated that the feud is going to turn bloody, since the Baloch tribes of Sukkur and Ghotki districts have offered their help to the Almani tribe to recover the couple.
Among others, the federal state minister for water and power, Khalid Ahmed Khan Lund, has also extended his assistance to the Almani tribe. Lund is a political rival of the Sindh Chief Minister, Sardar Ali Mohammad Maher, and his elder brother, the district nazim of Ghotki, Sardar Ali Goher Khan Maher.
The groom, Balakhsher, belongs to the Maher clan. A fierce fight between the tribes seems imminent as the 50-armed men of the Almani tribe have departed for an unknown place under the supervision of Khudabux alias Khudu Almani.
“A bloody confrontation among the clans is likely,” said a teacher in Ghotki. “The political rivals of the Mahers are getting united and they have been offered help of all sorts, including armed men.”
At the time of filing this report the the Almani tribe had issued an ultimatum to the Mahers for the recovery of the couple which had expired. Both clans had taken up defensive positions to face any aggression from the other side, as the city nazim of Ghotki and the sardar of the Maher tribe, Ali Goher Khan Maher, as reported, had ensured handing over Shaista to her relatives.
A number of close relatives and friends of Balakhsher had already been arrested by the police, while the Almani tribe had shifted the bride’s family to another place. “My family is in the custody of my brother-in-law who opposed the marriage,” said Shaista.
Human rights and women’s rights workers have joined hands with Edhi workers to safeguard Shaista. This time their voices have been heard, but what about those who die innocent deaths because no one came to their rescue? Almost one-and-a-half years ago a married couple had returned to the house of the girl’s parents in Sukkur, after more than eight years of marriage, assuming their parents would have forgiven them. However, on their arrival, they were declared as karo kari, since they had married against the will of their parents.
Islam does not preach that the will of the couple should be undermined; if the couple want to get married, are adults and are permitted by religion, then caste and clan does not matter. Shah Abdul Latif Bhittai, who wrote two-and-a-half centuries ago, highlighted how women are worthy of respect and admiration. Although he is revered as a saint today, it seems that hardly anyone pays attention to his message, which never showed feudals as heroes. In his poetry, women were given the highest significance along with the suppressed castes and Bhittai was a great messenger of love.
Sometimes even the most educated families do not allow their children to marry against their parents’ will. “I fell in love with a girl who was a student at Sindh University. We married but her parents did not allow the rukhsati,” said Mohammad Ramzan, a Sindh University graduate who is one of the victims of this terrible practice.
According to Ramzan the girl’s family was highly educated; her maternal uncle was a judge, while other members were doctors and professors, but the couple were forced to live apart. “My wife was living in her family’s house and they tore our marriage apart, forcing her to seek khula,” he said.
It is ironic how most of the people who work for human rights and women’s rights violate all ethics when it comes to their ‘honour’. A man in Karachi, who requested anonymity, shared his miserable tale: “My family’s proposal was rejected by the girl’s father - who is a notable social worker and had a love marriage himself - even though we had an equal if not higher family background and status. The girl belonged to my caste and there was no hurdle other than her father’s ego.”
This man fell seriously ill as a result of this rejection a couple of years ago. “Now, I am engaged to my cousin, but I fear family trouble because my fiancee is aware of my love affair which could harm our relationship,” he said. “I have come to know through a relative of the girl I wanted to marry, that she has also suffered due to her father’s egotistical decision and she remains sick most of the time,” he added.
The girl’s mother was supportive of the couple, but her husband, the so-called social worker, felt differently. By this time the boy was also facing his own family’s pressure who felt humiliated by their proposal’s rejection.
Love is a powerful emotion which sometimes knows no bounds. There is little justification for not allowing couples who are legally and morally entitled to marriage, to not be able to live as spouses, due to caste, sect, tribe, and ethnicity. Perhaps gradually this tradition will give way to tolerance and compromise, to let people like Shaista and Balakhsher live their lives according to the choices they make.