My question is especially to those who have moved abroad and still visit their hometown once in a while.
Do you feel that you have grown apart from your friends? Or that things changed once you left town?
I have lived abroad in different periods but now its kind of ‘permanent’ as I got married and moved.
I contact my friends and coordinate to meet months before I go for visit. And usually we get to see each other. Now I have this specific friend whom I contacted one and a half month ago that I am going for Eid so lets meet up. I didn’t get any clear reply back and now when I asked her when we should meet up, she told me that she is busy all weekend with Eid parties. so I am just wondering why she would go for other functions when she is telling me that she wants to meet me and still booking the only days that we could meet up. And also if she is going for functions it would be in the evenings so she is available in daytime but still doesn’t meet up…knowing that we only can meet every 2nd or 3rd month…
I have become very sensitive about friends after having lost friends (I have distanced from them due to feeling used mostly) and after having moved I feel that the only few friends I got left I should take care of that friendship. But I feel like those ppl I don’t expect much from surprice me with their presence but those I have known for years tend to back off when I need them the most and want to spend time with.
This particular friend has lots of problems at home as her parents aren’t accepting her to marry this guy she knows and I do understand the pressure she is undergoing. She ignores all the questions related to her situation so I guess that maybe she doesn’t wanna meet me this time cuz she needs some space….but why cant she just say it directly? After so many years of friendship one can at least be open with each other…
So true..one must move on..being newly wed I havent been very social in my new hometown so i guess i m being emotional about those who i left behind....
unfortunately thats a fact of life...when you move on ....so does everyone else...yet you expect them to be the as you left them ...or where you left (in your mind at least)...but things have changed when yu go back and see!
just keep hold on all the friends yu have at the mo and dont let them go!
I'm not in touch with anyone except one person from highschool. Rest are online friends that I have never met.
It's just difficult when people get married or moving for school or work. People tend to keep in touch with those who are conveniently accessible most, or so I believe.
Sometimes people lose touch because they want to forget about their life in the past and start with a clean slate. Other times people no longer want the same opinions recycled so they distance themselves from old friends. And I guess other times people just get so involved with the present that they dont make time for past friends, etc. Or like this girl maybe she just wants some space and she will meet you in the future. People like to take breaks from other people sometimes. Sometimes they might think they are offending you if they tell you out-right.
I am in the same situation. However, I don't think the reason is that our friends have forgotten us. I think the issue is when we go back home, we are on vacation and apart from meeting people and friends, & shopping we don't have much to do. Our friends there are not on vacation. They are working and are usually busy with their families. I don't expect my friends to be able to give time to me everyday when I am there. I still have plenty of friends from school, college and university and it is a joy to met them and their families whenever there is a short time to met them.
Psychologically, in the back of their heads, there is this feeling that you left them and not the other way around. This goes for friends, family etc. Therefore, you should be the one to pay the price. They are not obliged to accomodate you at your convenience. I have seen the best friend change and turn really sarcastic its painful. Thats the only conclusion I have been able to make.
I don't think you should read to much into the Eid stuff. Eid IS a really hectic time, and though she may want to see you, the demands and stresses of family, etc, may have made it so that she didn't feel she had the right to reserve time for you. Especially since her relationship with her parents is not doing too well, she may not have wanted to rock the boat by saying she couldn't be with family the weekend of Eid because of your visit.
That being said, you will have to accept that your relationships will change if you move away. These days there is a lot you can do to stay in touch and stay close, but it is not going to be the exact same. And it is difficult if you are not naturally good at making the effort to stay in touch (or if the other party is not good at it).
It gets so lonely when friends whom you have put so much time and effort in to keep the relationship alive, suddenly arent there for you.
Moving away is hard in itself. Feeling that one is loosing friends back home is even harder to accept.
Cuz no matter how hard one try they have moved on with other friends and one is just left back in loneliness in the new place.
I guess I am very sensitive about this cuz I already have lost so many friends and the few that I got left I want to have good and strong relations to. But its not easy when one's calls or e-mails are never answerered. and its not fun when friends go to other parties when one had invited them months ago for get-together....
I don't think you should read to much into the Eid stuff. Eid IS a really hectic time, and though she may want to see you, the demands and stresses of family, etc, may have made it so that she didn't feel she had the right to reserve time for you. Especially since her relationship with her parents is not doing too well, she may not have wanted to rock the boat by saying she couldn't be with family the weekend of Eid because of your visit.
That being said, you will have to accept that your relationships will change if you move away. These days there is a lot you can do to stay in touch and stay close, but it is not going to be the exact same. And it is difficult if you are not naturally good at making the effort to stay in touch (or if the other party is not good at it).
I actually spoke to her about it. and it was cuz of her family relations..