DO you fit right in? Do you feel like your being judged? I mean I would like to know your experiences and opinions esp with regards to extended family.
I get along with my khalas and phuppas and chaachis, but there are certain cousins who have not been good to my parents and I just cannot get on with them or respect them because they have been bad to my parents and it is awkward.
Also because I am from ‘Bahar’ I always try very hard to dress appropriately,speak in urdu all the time and play close attention to my tameez and also what I say. I DO feel like i am constantly being judged and I try very hard particularly so no one can say anything bad about my parents!
DO you fit right in? Do you feel like your being judged? I mean I would like to know your experiences and opinions esp with regards to extended family.
I get along with my khalas and phuppas and chaachis, but there are certain cousins who have not been good to my parents and I just cannot get on with them or respect them because they have been bad to my parents and it is awkward.
Also because I am from 'Bahar' I always try very hard to dress appropriately,speak in urdu all the time and play close attention to my tameez and also what I say. I DO feel like i am constantly being judged and I try very hard particularly so no one can say anything bad about my parents!
just ignore those who tend to take you as someone as 'bahir ka' ..but be yourself and have a wonderful time with family you get along with well. Have a great trip to Pakistan. :D Obviously since I didnt grow up outside Pakistan I can't give you that POV but I surely can say that we have had alot of cousins who lived abroad but visited Pakistan on a regular basis. We always had an awesome time together. No judging or being cautious at all.
I never experienced it with my own phopos or chachas etc. We never thought we were different from any of the other relatives and they didnt treat us any different either.
Once i got married, its a different story. The inlaws dont really treat me any differently, probably are a bit nicer but i feel compelled to “fit in” because i get comments like i am from baahir so they think i dont know how to cook and clean and do chores like them. I have been married 5 years Alhamdulillah and have had 4 visits to Pakistan since then but i still get mohallay walee khawateen come see the baahir wali bahu. Once they see me they seem extremely dissappointed because they are probably expecting a gori chitti, neeli ankhoun wali bahu while i am just as brown as them Its pretty funny actually.
People are just more intrigued with you there... if you really wanto to feel judged, walk into a desi gathering "bahir" and see how all the aunities and other girls react.
People in pakisan are just curious. We do come across different, hence we feel different. If we try to converse and get into the groove of things there, they will be more open... more intrigued... but a lot more relaxed.
As desis coming from "abroad" we can make "them" feel awkward and threatened as well.... it goes both ways
Ive always been treated very well. My cousins like to show me off whenever im there :D. My family are fairly liberal and laid back so im not uptight all the time. Plus I speak urdu with parents at home and can read and write some aswell so no language barrier. It really isnt all that different to what im use to. We go out just like i do with cousins here or abroad. Only thing is that it takes them a while to get my humour. I think its a case of difference in cousins upbringing as opposed to them being from pakistan. When my cousins come to visit us they fit right in. btw long time inspiron!! :)
DO you fit right in? Do you feel like your being judged? I mean I would like to know your experiences and opinions esp with regards to extended family.
I get along with my khalas and phuppas and chaachis, but there are certain cousins who have not been good to my parents and I just cannot get on with them or respect them because they have been bad to my parents and it is awkward.
Also because I am from 'Bahar' I always try very hard to dress appropriately,speak in urdu all the time and play close attention to my tameez and also what I say. I DO feel like i am constantly being judged and I try very hard particularly so no one can say anything bad about my parents!
You don't have to try so hard to appear normal.
I think you are going in the opposite direction, why not keep yourself reserved and let them come up to you and try to get your attention. The one who is extra careful gets to talk to you and others get ignored, this is what normally happens.
I was born in karaci but came to the uk as a 3 year old. I never get treated badly at all. But I do feel very concious as to not look like I'm from abroad. Althought I speak urdu at home its not like how they Speak urdu here and so I try harder. I don't get pakistani humor at all. :/
Also sadzz I feel much less judged in the uk than I do here. I feel like here they are waiting for me to be ulra western and when I am not they get shocked.
Midnight express I really would hate it if my cousins showed me off. I want to be as if I had grown up here...
I think I idealise pakistani girls sligtly.....their confidence and their perfect urdu skills. Maybe I judge myself more than they judge me. ?
My family/cousins are so nice to us when we go there, that I almost feel bad. So much hospitality.
You just be yourself inspiron and don’t worry too much about fitting in. If you don’t see yourself as a stranger, then they will not see you as one too.
Do want to mention something about that. There is this new trend of foreign Pakistanis who try everything to show they are from Europe/America/wherever when they go to pakistan.
Examples:
Pretending they can’t speak the language well (eventhough they can)
Intentionally speaking with heavy accent (so that people know they are from bahir.)
Acting as if they have never seen flies, makhian, machhars etc
Behaving like a retard when they see goats/cows (read: OMG a goat!’ Western countries don’t have goats -_- )
Wearing western dresses in conservative areas, so that people know that you are from walaith.
If you do none of the above and don’t try too hard to be an outsider, all will be well =)
Whenever we (my sisters and I) go to Pakistan, people do tend to be curious of us, but we are also quite well sheltered by our family as they don't like us to go out too much. And yes, it's not always curiosity, sometimes it can be other things too, like envy.
I remember once when I went Pakistan when I was quite young, around the age of about 9 I think, we all went out as a group and we got rocks thrown at us :(
Other times we've gone to places and people can't find out enough about us and want us to speak English to them etc etc. Depends on the people I spose.
Whenever we (my sisters and I) go to Pakistan, people do tend to be curious of us, but we are also quite well sheltered by our family as they don't like us to go out too much. And yes, it's not always curiosity, sometimes it can be other things too, like envy.
I remember once when I went Pakistan when I was quite young, around the age of about 9 I think, we all went out as a group and we got rocks thrown at us :(
Other times we've gone to places and people can't find out enough about us and want us to speak English to them etc etc. Depends on the people I spose.
Yeah sometimes people can envy you, but that is more because they might have a poor living standard and they see you coming from the West, so that I could somehow understand.
But envy is everywhere. lol, here in Europe, if anyone passes by in a land cruiser, people (including goray yeah) will be scolding him/here XD
Being born and brought up in Middle East, we get comments like: “aww tum log tau bohot seedhey ho, bholay ho etc” (yeah I know they mean we are dumb). I have heard many people saying girls/ guys brought up here are stupid/ dumb since we don’t know family politics, we cannot understand the double meanings of what people say to us, we are not chalaak etc. So, our relatives tend to be more protective towards us :halo: My paternal side tends to be more wierd towards us since they are more conservative type and live in a smaller town with no practices of allowing daughters to work etc. So they tend to see us as liberal/ modern/ bigri hoi nasal thanks to my dad So my paternal family comments: ‘Ye log is khandan k bachay hi nahi lagty’.
I am obsessed with being as pakistani as possible I dont want to look as if I am from england.
But people can always tell :(
Infact my cousins here wear jeans etc and I walk around in shalwar kameez.......they speak english and i speak urdu. Difference is i feel shy speaking urdu because its all englishified and my cousins speak broken horrible english but with soooooo much confidence!
Its pretty funny actually.
So my paternal family comments: ‘Ye log is khandan k bachay hi nahi lagty’.