Re: For the Guppans....
Islamically speaking if you are sorry and constantly asking for forgiveness then u don't have to tell anything to anyone.
Cheating on your husband and seeking forgiveness from God, is that your idea of being faithful?
Re: For the Guppans....
^ you confused Islamic idea with hers.
Re: For the Guppans....
To those who justify hiding an extra-marital affair, or hiding a pre-marital affair, is it fair to then assume you won't have a problem if your spouse contracts an STD courtesy of your little secret? Since it's between you and your God, no one has to know, eh. Last I checked, lies of omission are considered immoral. Bill Clinton's got nothing on some of ya.
Remarkable. The same people will romanticize monogamy, but when you screw up and break the single underlying vow that defines a nikah it conveniently becomes a matter between you and God. You have every right to repent, but you don't have a right to keep your spouse in the dark.
Tip : When you find yourself killing your sense of decency in the name of religion, it's time to stop giving God a bad name and reevaluate what you're reading and who you're listening to.
Re: For the Guppans....
after reading this i have lost complete hope in muslim pakistani ppl - i mean is this the kind of stuff you guys think, talk about and discuss? is this the kind of stuff you guys want to give to your kids?
bf, gf, being good in bed, affairs, cheating, sex drive, getting pregnant ... ? it scares me at times to be very honest
Re: For the Guppans....
we are nothing more than the sum of our fears
true story.
after reading this i have lost complete hope in muslim pakistani ppl - i mean is this the kind of stuff you guys think, talk about and discuss? is this the kind of stuff you guys want to give to your kids?
bf, gf, being good in bed, affairs, cheating, sex drive, getting pregnant ... ? it scares me at times to be very honest
Re: For the Guppans....
I've always heard that you shouldn't tell your partner. Islamically a woman is not required to tell her husband her past if it's done and dusted.
Another point is - what if the person cheated cos they were lacking something in the marriage - eg. hubby/wife wasn't satisfying them, they were in a loveless marriage, they are getting abused/mistreated by their partner etc etc?
Cos then that's a bigger issue isn't it? Of course the right thing to do would be to end the marriage instead of having affairs - but what if some people are unable to get a divorce for whatever reason?
Re: For the Guppans....
^ what can be the supposed unability? And if there is something that imposing, they can learn to control their appetite or whatever and live with what they have. This all... I mean... your spouse not "satisfying" you or you not satisfied in general with them whatever is an everyday case because nothing is perfect. Sometimes the couple has super understanding and super everything still there is some lacking... like one of them is not able to become a parent? I know such a case rather more then that, but they didnt split... maybe because they felt content with what they had, and with their destiny. sometimes you just have to slow down and take it easy. not everything you can take in your hands and make it work your way.
Re: For the Guppans....
Yes but then I know a case where one side wanted the divorce and the other person (the hubby) refused to give it, and there came a 3 year long struggle to get a divorce. She finally got it in the end, but my point is, somewhere in between she would've looked to move on as she would not consider herself properly married. She found another husband after that as well, but if she had found the second hubby while she was trying to get a divorce, then is she still in the wrong - and is this still adultery?
Dont get me wrong, i don't condone adultery. AT ALL. and I'm not trying to justify it either. I just want to point out that there can be some cases where we will question who is in the wrong.
Re: For the Guppans....
^ adultery is basically indulgence in pre-marital sex, right? If the wife is only looking for someone and finds and sees him to know him better without indulging in anything that would be called or termed as adultery, she can manage to wait until the divorce confirms and simply marry the man. whats bad about it.
Re: For the Guppans…
and, PS: mad hatter, there is nothing to get you wrong about. I believe its just a discussion 
Re: For the Guppans....
I think one of the things you learn as your grow older is that nothing is really black and white. Adultery is wrong and never the way to get around any scenario, period. That being said does it make you a bad person? I'm not so sure, I used to think it did but then came across a few people who had indulged in it and I can't just say flat out that they're bad people. Yes they're deceitful and not to be trusted and you'd think by definition that would make them a bad human being, but I don't think things are ever that simple.
Would I tell my spouse if I had cheated on them? If I wanted the marriage to survive then probably not, but I think my guilt might force me to because I'd feel like my spouse deserved to know. I think if I were cheated on I would like to know, but then again If I had a very happy married life and I never found out about the deception and life continued on as happy as before, that seems like a better life than going through heartbreak, disappointment, divorce and whatever follows after such a revelation. But does not telling the truth about something you've done wrong indicate a dishonest person? I really don't know what I would do, haha, when you really start thinking about it realistically and not in the black and white terms of: cheating is wrong, lying is wrong, the decision seems a lot more complex and undefined.
Re: For the Guppans....
Islamically speaking if you are sorry and constantly asking for forgiveness then u don't have to tell anything to anyone.
Islamically speaking I am pretty sure it's death by stoning
Re: For the Guppans....
Islamically speaking I am pretty sure it's death by stoning
that would require 4 witnesses or a confession me thinks....
Re: For the Guppans....
definately NEVER TELL. Hope this never happens to anyone though...
Re: For the Guppans....
we all know what "my friend wants to know", "hypodermically speaking" topics really mean.
yes you should tell him, rv. fall to his feet and wash them with tears of regret, and we'll pray he is magnanimous enough to forgive you.
Re: For the Guppans…
^NO WAY!!! Ignorance is BLISS in this case! :halo:
Re: For the Guppans....
Let's say.........hypothetically speaking (don'tchya just love that word?)....you're married and you have an extramarital affair. Your husband doesn't know and at some point down the road....you end the affair (your conscience kicks in, etc) because you realize that you want to stay in your marriage. So, here are the questions:
1) Would you tell your husband about it...or...would you decide that ignorance is bliss?
2) Would the decision to tell your spouse be based upon whether or not the affair was sexual?
3) If you had kids....would that make you lean more toward keeping it a secret?
1) depends but I would think yes 2) Yes 3) Yes
Duh
Re: For the Guppans....
Just to quickly summarize what I understood from different people.
Disclosing this sin means disaster for the lives of individuals, children and families for years to come. Evil is spread quickly by sharing sins with others. Better to wash it through repentance and with a determination of never repeating it.
One should never disclose a sin (even if pregnancy takes place through it) and try to live with it (that itself is a punishment in a way) by repenting (sincerely crying with remorse in front of Allah swt when alone at night by recalling the intensity of the disobedience that one has done towards Allah). Also try to compensate this injustice towards one's spouse by serving one's spouse to the extent possible even if it is at the cost of sacrificing ones personal luxuries/comfort/hobbies. Giving up one's own rights for him/her, making efforts and searching opportunities to make their life better even though if one has to make sacrifices of ones own time/money...etc. for that. Pray a lot in front of Allah (swt) to bless one's spouse with more blessings in return for the injustice that one has done to him/her. Whenever one's spouse misbehaves or becomes ignorant towards his rights, he should recall his sin (towards her), that would help him in remaining patient and forgiving.
Sins are of many types, and the divine decisions about the person's this life and hereafter takes place on the basis of his/her *intentions. *Unintentionally being trapped in a tempting situation is different than running around like a dog in search of opportunities for extra-marital affairs. The later can't deceive his LORD so he better realize that Allah (swt) is aware of each and every bit of dirty feeling that rise in the core of his heart and every impure thought that is going through his mind.
Re: For the Guppans…
I second that
Re: For the Guppans....
I apologise for my previous comments in which I unintentionally included those people in the category of 'sick' people who didn't intend to sin but some how got trapped into a persuading situation. We all are humans who makes mistakes. Instead of calling bad names to others I shall focus on my own short comings. Every single day spent without such sins is a blessing of Allah (swt) and one must be thankful towards Allah (swt), because the ability of doing good and protecting oneself from bad is not possible without the grace and mercy of Allah (swt). The more we thank (verbally and practically) Allah (swt) for protecting us from sins, the more HE would shower upon us his blessings of strength and wisdom for our guidance.