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amazing. most of us do have ‘not so nice’ dadis. tragic 
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My mum was 6 years old when my Nani passed away. Her Phuppo practically raised her from that point onward and eventually added the MIL tag on top of "Phuppo". Dad was already living abroad at that time and immigration laws were very relaxed back then, so within a week of getting married my parents were in Austria.
Dadi (Mum's Phuppo) used to visit us every few years and while there certainly were minor ups and downs, she generally had a very good relationship with my mum. Alhamdulillah.
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Some one’s dadi is some one else’s nani. And some one’s nani is some one else’s dadi.
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ahhh. sahi farmayaa. i didnt think of that 
well, my dadi was never a nani. 
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I think there are ups and down in every family. However, my mother had a very loving relationship with my dadi ama. To this date, she has save all the letters send by my dadi ama. My dadi ama is still alive and 104 yrs old. Unfortunately, she is no more in a condition to talk, her memory has gone back but whenever my parents visit Pakistan, my dadi ama is able to recognize my mother and finds comfort in my mother's company.
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Growing up, we lived across the street from my dada/dadi. I used to go over to their house often just to goof off and run around. My dadi was a mean lady. She had severe mood swings, had a temper and yelled at people often (including the maids and even my dada!). I was always scared of her. Everything I did when she was around seemed to annoy her. I have very few memories of her being in a good mood. She died when I was 10/11.
My mom had a very formal relationship with my dadi & only went over to that house during formal dawats/Eid etc. (at that time my mom worked full-time). I never heard her say anything negative about her in-laws as a child. HOWEVER, once I became engaged and started having issue with my in-laws, then I finally heard some of the stories. My mom would use some examples of what she went through as a newlywed in order to give me advice (ie. to show me that she knew what its like to have a MIL who doesn't like you) on how to deal with my in-laws. And her advice has always been.....be nice to them no matter what & stay focused on your husband.
My nani, on the other hand, was a sweetheart. My nana died when my mom was in 8th grade and nani raised 7 kids by herself. She was very quiet, sweet, always smiled etc. She finally passed away when I was in high school. Whenever I saw her, I got nothing but love and affection.
** BTW, speaking of dadi's being someone else's nani.......my dadi had 4 sons and 4 daughters. 1 of my phuppos also lived in the same building as us (across the street from dadi). Her daughter is a few years younger than me and we always played together. My cousin could do no wrong....lol. Maybe it's b/c my phuppo was her daughter or maybe it's b/c she didn't like my mother....whatever the reason was......I remember my dadi being very biased towards my cousin. Its funny b/c this phuppo's daughter and I are still very close...and when we talk about stories of us growing up..........her memories of my dadi (ie. her nani) are very different than my memories. Based on how that woman treated us, if you heard us talk you'd think we were talking about 2 different people!
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yes itt has affected us not our grandfather but our grandmother is still his my not the kindest to my mother and to us kids but i have grown thick skin when it comes to her and other members of my family.
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I grew up in the West. I went to Pakistan only twice, when I was 8 and when I was 1.5 years old.
Though I don't remember my dado at all, I definitely remember the after effects of her 'hakumat', even though we were in Australia and she died in Pakistan when I was a child.
Its a long story but to cut it short I have NO respect or love AT ALL for ANYONE in my entire dadyaal. Until recently I would harbour the same feelings for my dad. But now I am trying to keep these feelings of mine against my dad under control. I still struggle sometimes. But I have learnt that I should focus on my own deeds and leave him to his. We are being tested individually by Allah in the world and his books and mine won't go together. I heard somewhere that true goodness and patience is when you exercise these two things in hard circumstances. In other words being good is not when you are just nice to the person who is bad to you, but when you are nice to the person who is bad to you.
on the other side however my mamoo's kids are closer to us(my nanyaal) than their own nanyaal. And all of our khalas children as well as us are VERY attached to our extremely good nanyaal,(but no one is attached to their dadyaal) who everyone in their mohalla respects, in contrast to our dadyaal-who neighbours are uncomfortable mixing with.
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So let me bet this straight. Your dadi wanted to impose her niece as a sautan on ur mum.LOL
reminds me of that ARY drama daagh.
And did ur dad object to these engagements out of love for ur mother?
thank God such an idea never crossed my daadi’s mind. She was too busy trying to get rid of my mum, with everything from taveez, false accusations, dowry stealing, throwing out of the house, making false accusations against my nanyaal and doing black magic on them, creating fights between my parents which have so far lasted their whole lives and even trying to get my mum divorced. And OH!! A murder attempt by my chacha to boot.
All this started in the first 7-8 days of marriage.
And I don’t even want to go into all the financial and other hardships we suffered all our lives bcoz of them though they lived so far away.
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^Its actually a Very long and complicated story, but she didnt just want my dad to marry the niece, she wanted him to divorce my mum Much more, because this drama continued for 4-5 years with different girls for my dad. He was in uk and my mum was in pak during this time, but they were fine and on letter-terms back then ;)
Funny when my dadis sister told my mum to go and see a Girl for my older brother and my mum asked her whos daughter she is and dadis sister goes "uski jiss ko humne my dads name ke liye pasand kiya tha aur usne na kardi" ... Lol as if my mum would go After hearing THAT. :p
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^Its actually a Very long and complicated story, but she didnt just want my dad to marry the niece, she wanted him to divorce my mum Much more, because this drama continued for 4-5 years with different girls for my dad. He was in uk and my mum was in pak during this time, but they were fine and on letter-terms back then ;)
Funny when my dadis sister told my mum to go and see a Girl for my older brother and my mum asked her whos daughter she is and dadis sister goes "uski jiss ko humne my dads name ke liye pasand kiya tha aur usne na kardi" ... Lol as if my mum would go After hearing THAT. :p
Ok. So how did ur mum react to ur dadi's plans?
And how r ur dadi and mum still fine with each other?
Even my mum is only nice to my phophos when talking to them to keep the peace and please my dad.
otherwise mama nei tau bohot bardaash kiya tha
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Ok. So how did ur mum react to ur dadi's plans? And how r ur dadi and mum still fine with each other? Even my mum is only nice to my phophos when talking to them to keep the peace and please my dad. otherwise mama nei tau bohot bardaash kiya tha
My mum didnt react on her plans. What could she do anyway? The thing with my dadi is that she is too Much of a chicken to dó anything up front with my mum. Her tactic is to dó everything behind, even fighting through other people lol... Beside the story is much more complicated to be told in just one paragraph
I guess mum is fine with her because she doesnt see dadi much? And dadi does treat mum with loads of respect so mum does the same ..
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** BTW, speaking of dadi's being someone else's nani.......my dadi had 4 sons and 4 daughters. 1 of my phuppos also lived in the same building as us (across the street from dadi). Her daughter is a few years younger than me and we always played together. My cousin could do no wrong....lol. Maybe it's b/c my phuppo was her daughter or maybe it's b/c she didn't like my mother....whatever the reason was......I remember my dadi being very biased towards my cousin. Its funny b/c this phuppo's daughter and I are still very close...and when we talk about stories of us growing up..........her memories of my dadi (ie. her nani) are very different than my memories. Based on how that woman treated us, if you heard us talk you'd think we were talking about 2 different people!
This post explains why everyone thinks their nanis/nanyaals are sweet and good and dadyaal are nothing short of pure evil:-)
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to cut the story short, my dadi was one evil person. She wanted to get my mom killed , kick papa out of thehouse and divide us kids between taya abus.. 
I dont know how she was going to execute the plan here in the usa. Needless to say we had to move back to Pakistan.
oh btw we were not that attached to nanhiyaal either.. ( visiting once a year for few hrs , while living in the same city, wouldnt help anybody)
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Wow…
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My mom had a rough time with my dada jaan as their ideologies didn't match. He was very religious and strict man who believed in purda. My mom was liberal working woman.
My mom made sure that didn't effect our relationship with our dada jaan or other in-laws. Something that I respect about my mother till this day is that she kept family politics out of our lives. We were oblivious to so many issues in the family until we were much older.
My mom use to say that "her relationship with ILs should have no impact or ours". We should love and respect our phophos and dada jaan as they were our elders.
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** BTW, speaking of dadi's being someone else's nani.......my dadi had 4 sons and 4 daughters. 1 of my phuppos also lived in the same building as us (across the street from dadi). Her daughter is a few years younger than me and we always played together. My cousin could do no wrong....lol. Maybe it's b/c my phuppo was her daughter or maybe it's b/c she didn't like my mother....whatever the reason was......I remember my dadi being very biased towards my cousin. Its funny b/c this phuppo's daughter and I are still very close...and when we talk about stories of us growing up..........her memories of my dadi (ie. her nani) are very different than my memories. Based on how that woman treated us, if you heard us talk you'd think we were talking about 2 different people!
This word for word sounds like me and my cousin. My phuppo's daughter could do NO wrong even though she was an evil b*tch, while I did everything wrong apparently. The only difference between your story and mine is that I no longer speak to my cousin. When my dadi died, yes I cried but it was just because of seeing the sadness around, my cousin, on the other hand, tried to throw herself into the grave to be with her.
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Almost everyone hates their dadhyaal ....as i said earlier..
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I think mothers are more attached and attracted to their daughters' children. Usually, the sons' kids don't get much love because they end up marrying the woman their moms chose and somehow after marriage, she grows devil horns. Its just natural...I don't think it matters if its a love marriage or arranged.
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My mom's relationship with my dadi, and my phupos was also...tense. My uncle and grandfather got along well with her though. Everyone kind of knew that my dadi was a difficult woman. That said, I don't think she showed any bias towards my phupos' kids so that's a plus. I never really thought bad about my dad's side of the family, although once I got older it disappointing to hear about how my dadi and phupos behaved.
Like others have said, I was pretty oblivious to any issues between my mom and dadi while I was growing up.