Dushwari… I should not be doing any critical analysis for I am no authority but IN MY OPINION, if you change words ‘Ami’ to “ay maaN” and ‘aap’ to “teri”, it will only need a very little bit of tuning after that to become a full fledge poem :k:
Anwaar Jee.. Mujhe pata nahi q Ami buhat acha lag raha hai iss tehreer main.. buhat apnaiat se feel horahi hai.. :)
definitely it does.. but the tone of this piece requires it differently... I will write "ammi" any time I am into Prose... but poetry.... !! ummm... poetry has its own selected diction... unless it's a free verse.... ammi will do but then, I see a lot of changes to be made in this poem to make it rythmic....
and Of course, it is only my opinion which can be wrong...
Ami or Maan naam hein iss azeem hasti key pukarney ko. dono piyarey naam hein. aur Maan ya Ami iss sey bhee ziyada aziz.
this poem contains appreciation for the value of a loving, caring and understanding Mom. there is no limit to how fulfilling and strengthening that bond is when parents and children & grown up children have a friend's relationship. May everyone be able to truly care for Moms & may all Moms truly love, care, & understand their children. amen
definitely it does.. but the tone of this piece requires it differently... I will write "ammi" any time I am into Prose... but poetry.... !! ummm... poetry has its own selected diction... unless it's a free verse.... ammi will do but then, I see a lot of changes to be made in this poem to make it rythmic....
and Of course, it is only my opinion which can be wrong...
Nahi na.. i never said k aapka opinion is wrong.. its very rite..
Ami or Maan naam hein iss azeem hasti key pukarney ko. dono piyarey naam hein. aur Maan ya Ami iss sey bhee ziyada aziz.
this poem contains appreciation for the value of a loving, caring and understanding Mom. there is no limit to how fulfilling and strengthening that bond is when parents and children & grown up children have a friend's relationship. May everyone be able to truly care for Moms & may all Moms truly love, care, & understand their children. amen
agreed Dushwari... but here we're indulging in technical aspects ... hence, my reasoning :)
Nahi na.. i never said k aapka opinion is wrong.. its very rite..
em sorry if anything went wrong..
:)
NO.. nothing went wrong... we both were stating our opinions and I stated mine and gave my reasoning... it's upto the readers to make a judgement and choose the best possible answer :D
for me, the beauty of thoughts is the key to start a poem.. since, that was not the issue, in order to improvise, the aspect of technicality was the only thing left so that it could make it more creative.. :)
dekhiyey AQ saheb, aap technicalities ko chowr dein, werna aap key java beans bikher jaein geye.
redidentity,
mujhey jeetee rheney kee dua na dein, old age sey der legta hey.
mods, dont worry, i will take care of these two hazraats who are agreeing to appreciate my poem for Mom, but are tres' adamant is suggesting what name I should call my Mom by, Ami or Maan.
redidentity and AQ,
you both argued in a healthy spirit and that is really nice. thanks personally for that.
ubb chup ker key suney dono: a mom is a mom is a mom - dear, near & always a shadow of protection and unwavering eternal care.
... Dushwari jee.... I am not arguing.. neither do I disagree with what you said.... alternatively, you can use the word "waalidah" instead of ammi and maaN... see if it changes any meanings....? No.. it won't .. but it won't touch the heart it will, with the use of other words ....
mukarer, redidentity.
AQ, you did not derail.
me going off, too.
i remember who would wish me rest and not be up late on gup shup,
tomorrow is another busy day at work.
if i survived, will see later. shaba-a-khaire all.
Dushwari
sach.. aap chaho to Anwaar jee se pooch lo crossed fingers