Re: For girls- from those of us who dealt with parental issues on marriage,etc
I was a girl who did not date, planned on having an arranged marriage, marrying someone my parents picked.
Parents picked a cousin and did not budge....time passed---5 years later and at 27 i realized they were not going to budge, my parents said some really rough things to me (no physical abuse) but the emotional abuse was bad, the guilt, told me they would disown me if i did not marry this guy and that i was being selfish etc. They also refused any other rishta that came, so i was stuck, could not get married... I was also told none of my relatives would have anything to do with me and I would be the only girl in my family not to marry a cousin or someone from our braderi.
The things i knew: -I had a right in Islam to marry whomever i wanted and to refuse whomever i wanted. -Islam wants you to marry and it is natural and what Allah wants. -If my parents were not willing to marry me to someone, then i had the right to find an elder in the family/community who could help. ( i tried this they talked to my parents but to no avail)....if i could not find an elder to help, i could find someone on my own (got this from a sheikh by the way)
So i moved- got into a top ranked graduate program, it was my excuse for leaving that "looked" ok....my parents in the interim realized i was serious, two aunties intervened a ton and talked to my parents...they started to come around....The aunties pointed out that i was not running off with some guy who wasn't Muslim, etc. i was still asking them to be a part of my rishta process..and they also told my dad you are choosing your nephew over your daughter and abandoning her, do you realize what you're doing??
In graduate school I met my husband there and with loads and loads of work on our parts, we handeled the rishta so our parents could be involved, not only were my parents and his parents so involved, they actually did the actual "baath paki", they involved my dada aboo and the entire family came to my wedding.
Today my parents LOVE my husband (alhamdullilah) they told me they can't believe how religious, respectful and decent he is to them and to me...and they are thrilled. My dada (allah unko jannath naseeb karai) loves my husband before he passed, he told me "beta i have so much pride that this boy joined our family, honestly, i would not have thought this but such nice shareef people" .
It takes time, work but it happens.
Finally, yes the emotional abuse during the time i was at home was tough, yes it took me a while to get over and trust...and to be honest it hurts still...and at the time when i was first on my own, i was super vulnerable and made some dumb decisions...but all in all, i have no regrets, i maintained my imaan and persevered and am thankful for everything i have now...
SO HAVE faith and GUTS. :) Inshallah everything will work out.
Instead of blaming anyone, whinning & moaning, you took your fate in your hands and took action. What a great post! Congratulations!
This post is short listed for my 'bestoftheyear2006' list.