For DILs who will be MILs

Lifestyle Relationships
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Loved this article…wanted to share it here.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

9 Arguments You Should Never Have with Your Daughter-in-Law - Grandparents.com

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

It seems we have a case of the missing article. lol Link?

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

lol.. never mind.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

Don’t talk about seeing the grandkids?!!?? Woh itna bhi nahi keh saktey? Yikes, that’s sad.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

Some grandparents are overly involved in the upbringing of the grandchildren…and some care too little. I think balance is the key.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

This article is not for us Pakistanis, our elders can’t step back and keep quite! It’s in their blood!! No seriously, having grandparents around is such a blessing, you don’t realise until you don’t have it anymore. They just want whats best for you.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

I don’t know…I think if you really love your grandchild then the mother would notice it and won’t stop you from interacting with her child. I would love to see the grandparents taking out the time to do activities with their grandkids like play in the park, read to them, take them out for ice-cream instead of nagging the bahu, or making it out what a bad mom she is and she should follow your advice in all matters.

I think the article’s point is you can have a great relationship with your daughter-in-law if you are sensitive to her feelings.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

Totally agree with what you r saying BUT not gonna happen in our culture!!

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

I agree with you, Hareem, that balance is key. However, since it’s hard for human nature to maintain balance at all times, that’s why there has to be some compromise and tolerance as well. It’s one thing if your in-laws move into the home you made with your husband…but the dynamics are different if you move in with your in-laws after marriage. In the latter scenario where MIL has been running her home for years in a certain way, it may not be so wise to argue over how the spice cabinet is arranged…at least not so early on. Maybe when greater trust is developed, there will be more flexibility…but if not…then it’s better to let some things slide. It’s natural for grandparents to be excited about the name of grandchild…aunts and uncles get excited too. You can tell them that you’ll consider their suggestions but haven’t decided anything as opposed to saying that they shouldn’t talk about it at all. In cases where grandparents live separately (as is the cases with non-Desis) and farther away…they prolly don’t see grandkids that often to begin with…so a bit of pampering as in giving them dessert before dinner…or letting them stay up past their bed time…won’t ruin the routine. It’s nice for both parents and grandparents to bend the rules occasionally.

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Re: For DILs who will be MILs

I think the problem is that when you allow some relatives a little room to spoil the child- they will never respect the line again. When I allow my inlaws to give my children sweets- they will feed them to them until they are literally sick. Or, when I take some advice, then it is open season to critique my parenting.

As a non-desi married into a desk family, it’s a cultural clash I wasn’t prepared for. My family does fun things with the kids- the zoo, parks, swimming. While my husband’s family seems to enjoy just sitting around and making rude comments. I thought it was just them- but now that I have met their wider circle of friends- it seems common. Just enjoy your family!!!