For all you Pakistanis living in the West

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A few questions only tangentially related to the other thread. This is more about about your personal experiences in Pakistan over the years.

  1. How often, if at all, do you visit Pakistan? Has the frequency changed over the course of the years?
  2. What are your reasons for visiting? Is it more about the family? business? to attend specific events? regular trips? etc?
  3. Do you have a place you call home in Pakistan? Do you have one place you stay, or many?
  4. During your stay, how do your spend your time? Family gatherings? Visiting tourist attractions? Attending cultural/religious/sporting/political/business events, etc?
  5. What is your favorite moment in Pakistan?
  6. What is your least favorite moment?
  7. What stands out to you during your visits?

I’d really just like to hear about your experience with Pakistan and what it has meant to you over the years. I look forward to hearing from you!

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  1. In last 22 years, I went to Pakistan 4 times. Last time was fourteen years ago. After that could not go because all the siblings and my mother gradually moved to U.S. through marriage, immigration or sponsorship.
  2. First two times to visit family, third time on my father’s death and fourth time to attend the wedding of my youngest sibling.
  3. No more.
  4. In my case, it was almost always family gatherings or meeting friends.
  5. Going around the streets of Karachi, especially sadar, zainab market area. Nostalgia factor.
  6. When I had to go to police station with my wife to report her entry and exit as she is from India. Horrific horrific experience.
  7. How fast the social values were changing. How show off of a community we were becoming. I was visiting from USA and I used to feel that I came from a village because if the way people used to talk, dress and behave.
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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

  1. When my siblings and I were young, my parents would take us to Pakistan every year to every two years. Then the frequency decreased to every three years because of ticket prices etc.
  2. Initially the reason for my parents to take us was because all of their family is still in Pakistan and they wanted to spend time with them. My recent trips to Pakistan have been to get married and/or visit my in laws with my husband. We never got a chance to do tour around Pakistan :(.
  3. My parents have a house there where we used to stay. After my marriage I would go and stay at my on laws’ or sometimes I would stay at my parents’ house there.
  4. Our time is usually spent with relatives, at family gatherings, weddings and shopping.
  5. My favorite moments in Pakistan will have to include my childhood trips there and the trip I made with my family for my wedding. I love going there with my parents. Just something about my parents, which makes the trip worthwhile and fun.
  6. My least favorite moment was my last trip to Pakistan :(. Too many issues with my in laws. Husband and I were stressed about the living situation there, it was boiling hot with load shedding in his neighborhood and we never got privacy to go anywhere. I was homesick and missed my mom’s presence there.
  7. Karachi seems dirtier at every visit lol. I did notice some road and bridge developments. One great thing I noticed was the appearance of a really nice park for only women and children around the corner from my parents’ house in Karachi.
    Dichotomy of the upper class area vs the middle to lower class areas is definitely noticeable and stands out a lot.
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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

I should have asked also whether you were born/raised in Pakistan. Also which cities you go to?

  1. So now that your immediate family is not there, you don’t visit really. Do you think you will in the future? Do your children feel a connection to the country? Is this important for you?
  2. What strikes you about walking those streets?
  3. Oh no! What happened?
  4. You felt that coming from the US you were not sophisticated enough for these people in Pakistan?
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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

Your childhood experience is much like mine.

Having a home there must help maintain your connection to the place.

It’s interesting the mix of physical and emotional stress that a visit to Pakistan ends up being!

The park sounds nice. Where do you see the split bw classes the most?

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

  1. How often, if at all, do you visit Pakistan? Has the frequency changed over the course of the years?

Every year and a half or so, sometimes earlier, usually for nearly 2 months at a time. Parents go multiple times a year.

  1. What are your reasons for visiting? Is it more about the family? business? to attend specific events? regular trips? etc?

Family

  1. Do you have a place you call home in Pakistan? Do you have one place you stay, or many?

A couple

  1. During your stay, how do your spend your time? Family gatherings? Visiting tourist attractions? Attending cultural/religious/sporting/political/business events, etc?

A bit of everything

  1. What is your favorite moment in Pakistan?

When the plane lands, being back is an awesome feeling

  1. What is your least favorite moment?

Leaving

  1. What stands out to you during your visits?

How everything seems to be getting worse

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

I was born in the US but my parents moved back when I was 5 years old.I moved to the US,11 years ago.I only go to Lahore.That is where all the family is,no other city.

  1. How often, if at all, do you visit Pakistan? Has the frequency changed over the course of the years?
    I have been to Pakistan 4 times in the last 11 years.The gap between visits has been variable,depending on various reasons.It is nothing specific or particular.

  2. What are your reasons for visiting? Is it more about the family? business? to attend specific events? regular trips? etc?
    Family.
    My parents and youngest sister is still there.Last trip was with the husband accompanying,he has some family too.Most of his side isn’t living there anymore.It is usually to visit family.Only one trip was specifically to attend my sister’s wedding.

  3. Do you have a place you call home in Pakistan? Do you have one place you stay, or many?
    My parents’ house.I have always stayed there,my entire trip.

  4. During your stay, how do your spend your time? Family gatherings? Visiting tourist attractions? Attending cultural/religious/sporting/political/business events, etc?
    Family get togethers and just spending time with family.Other than that shopping and ofcourse eating.You have to try the hundreds of new places that keep popping up in Lahore..!..Never been to any tourist attractions or any other events.

  5. What is your favorite moment in Pakistan?
    Family & food.
    I too love the moment I see the parents at the airport and also the warm welcome I get from the extended family.Its nice to get VIP treatment some time…:smiley:

  6. What is your least favorite moment?
    Family politics.Having too deal with people I don’t want to but have to.

  7. What stands out to you during your visits?
    Hmm…the way the parents and everyone else are aging.It all comes as a shock when you see them after a gap of a few years.It is depressing.
    Also the inconvenience caused by things like load shedding,lack of natural gas,water etc etc.It was never that bad when I was growing up there.

P.S…Why am I having a deja vu…???It seems I have answered in a similar thread once.
Also what other thread is this one related to??

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  1. Yes Inshallah, as soon as the situation gets better, I will. My wife is Indian and my kids respect both nationalities, but they love Pakistan and want to visit. At her international day at school, my younger one represented Pakistan by wearing miss Pakistan sash. I think that connection is very important. I want my kids to be raised by learning the best of all the cultures they are associated with.
  2. My dad was a professor and a journalist. In the evenings, he used to go and sit in the press club of Karachi which is near zainab market in sadar area. That area reminded me of my dad whenever I went there.
  3. The rude and sarcastic attitude of staff in charge because I was married to an Indian. And of course every effort to steal as much money from my pocket because I was from USA. They kept telling me how this is wrong and that is wrong and the minimum penalty is seven days of jail time unless you give us this much money kind of stuff.
  4. Yes I felt like a paindoo.
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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

^ its about time you visited Pakistan. :wink:

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

how about someone who is not from Pakistan can participate in this thread? :hmmm:

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

go ahead…permission granted. :stuck_out_tongue:

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

thank you boss! :slight_smile:

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

  1. How often, if at all, do you visit Pakistan? Has the frequency changed over the course of the years?

Growing up, I did not go that much at all…at ages 3 & 6, I don’t remember those trips at all. The next time I went was when I was 14…and then not again until after I got married. The last time I went was in early 2008…it was not a joyous trip though, I went to be with my Papa who had cancer, and he passed away a couple of months after I left, so I have not been back since then. Prior to 2008, I was going pretty regularly after shaadi (2000, 2001, 2002… and then I stopped from 2003 onwards because of my pregnancies and babies)

  1. What are your reasons for visiting? Is it more about the family? business? to attend specific events? regular trips? etc?

**Main reason for visits were for my inlaws…my MIL divides her time between US and Khi
**
3. Do you have a place you call home in Pakistan? Do you have one place you stay, or many?

**My MIL’s house is my permanent base, but I have lots of chachas, phuppis, cousins and some family on my mom’s side as well where I also stay.
**
4. During your stay, how do your spend your time? Family gatherings? Visiting tourist attractions? Attending cultural/religious/sporting/political/business events, etc?

**Most of my time there is spent shopping or hanging out with family. We usually have some picnic/leisure trips planned in and around khi. I haven not travelled much out of Karachi though. I went to Lahore/Islamabad/Muree/Swat when I was 14, but have not ventured outside of Karachi after that.
**
5. What is your favorite moment in Pakistan?

Eating out, hanging out with my cousins..staying up all night playing cards and telling jinn stories :smiley:

  1. What is your least favorite moment?

**Getting sick (which always happens)…the light going out of course…and the macchar
**
7. What stands out to you during your visits?

**On my most recent trip to Khi in 2008, what really stood out for me was the change in infrastructure (the flyovers, roads etc)…all the new luxury malls that are popping up…but most of all, unfortunately, the desparity and frustration on the faces of my friends and family. It’s heartbreaking to see them all working so hard, for such little return. It’s like the rich keep getting richer and the rest are just screwed.

**

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

my experience is pretty much the same as chipsy.
I grew up in Pakistan and moved here at 16.

  1. How often, if at all, do you visit Pakistan? Has the frequency changed over the course of the years?

-In school, I used to go home almost every summer and winter but once I started working, it changed due to limited number of vacation days. Last time, I went there was in 2012 with my 4 month old son so he could meet his grand parents.

  1. What are your reasons for visiting? Is it more about the family? business? to attend specific events? regular trips? etc?

family- my immediate family is still in Pakistan.

  1. Do you have a place you call home in Pakistan? Do you have one place you stay, or many?

yep, my parents house, my inlaws and my sister’s house (my sister is married to my BIL so we spend most of our time there so both my parents side and in laws are comfortable visiting and staying- it becomes one big family gathering)

  1. During your stay, how do your spend your time? Family gatherings? Visiting tourist attractions? Attending cultural/religious/sporting/political/business events, etc?

All of the above.. my sister’s family is very outdoor-sy so there are lots of things to do inlcuding but not limited to fishing, hunting, picnic on lake,hiking, and not to mention I do my regular urdu bazar visits and eating out as much as possible (while trying not to get sick :D)

  1. What is your favorite moment in Pakistan?

Spending time with my nephews and food.

  1. What is your least favorite moment?

visiting some relatives that I dont want to but have to :smiley:

  1. What stands out to you during your visits?
    like TLK said, I also feel like they are much more progressive than me..like on my last visit, my younger cousin had an iPhone and asked me if I had the latest too? turned out I had the flip phone at that time, forget the smart phones! and not to mention the reality of load shedding, natural gas shortage (something that I never heard of while growing up)
    people have become materialistic or probably I didnt know that side of Pakistan when I left it at 16.
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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

Born in UK to parents who had moved out of Pakistan in the 50s (dad) and 60s (mom), we used to go to Pakistan every 1-2 years when i was a kid, lived in pakistan for 2.5 years in my teens and finished high school there. very familiar with city, speak language fluently and if u met me somewhere and I did not tell you, you would not be able to tell that I did not grow up in Pakistan, i used to absorb so much during summer breaks…pop culture, literature, sports, history, jokes…parents made sure i spoke urdu properly with no gora indian movie villain ‘raaaabert’ accent..loved the time I visited as a kid and even the time I spent in high school and most of my trips back.

  1. How often, if at all, do you visit Pakistan? Has the frequency changed over the course of the years?

I have not been to Pak in 14 years, before this the longest gap was 2.5 years at the most. the lapse in time was first career, then starting a family, loss, and then by the time I was going to visit again parents moving back to UK and the situation there getting bad kept me from really going. I also was one of the ppl who had a name like someone else so had to be stopped at security for domestic flights for 7 years..felt going to pak may just mess it up further, had been too lazy to apply for citizenship and some ppl with green cards had been turned back due to name issues..so a combo of may things, just did not go and then too much time had passed

  1. What are your reasons for visiting? Is it more about the family? business? to attend specific events? regular trips? etc?

used to be to visit parents, who moved back to UK, grandparents passed away. most relatives are in US/UK/Canada or in middle east who I won’t be able to see in pak anyways

  1. Do you have a place you call home in Pakistan? Do you have one place you stay, or many?

parents have a place. thats where ei have stayed or would stay when I visit.

  1. During your stay, how do your spend your time? Family gatherings? Visiting tourist attractions? Attending cultural/religious/sporting/political/business events, etc?

mostly family a little tourism and shopping.

  1. What is your favorite moment in Pakistan?

seeing family I have not seen in a long time

  1. What is your least favorite moment?

effin dealing with the bakwaas as soon as i have to deal with customs or other officials.

  1. What stands out to you during your visits?

on a one on one basis…everyone i talk to is so friendly…shop keepers, rickshaw drivers, random dude on the street i ask for directions..and how I enjoy talking to regular folks more than the fake ass wanna bes there…I dont understand how people so friendly and gentle and helping deal with the nastiness that karachi has become…i saw such few examples of ghunda gardee but there is so much there and it has only gotten worse since i last went there. what also stood out to me was how socially we seem to be going backwards in time..to some other parallel universe. even with all the issues 80s and early 90s seemed to be more open generally than now, the polarization I saw in 97 was more than in 94 and 93..and i have heard that it has gotten exponentially worse since 1997.

to be honest I dont have a desire to go there, just a curiosity. things will have to change a lot to have a desire to go back…or maybe I have a desire and am disappointed and dont want to go …i dont know

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

nice thread :k:

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

I never knew you had so many relatives in Pak! :-o

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My entire dadiyaal is still in Karachi (and Hyderabad, India)! My papa moved back there in late 2007 after taking early retirement from his job here laikin unfortunately, his cancer diagnosis came immediately afterwards. On my my moms side, my nana/nani, and all her siblings had immigrated to Texas by the early 80’s, so they don’t really have any ties left in Pakistan except for cousins and extended family.

My husband’s elder brother is still in Khi as is my MIL, but comes here on a regular basis.

But I pretty much echo X2’s sentiment. I don’t really feel the urge/longing to visit Pakistan anymore, especially after my papa’s death. The last time I went was directly after Benazir’s assassination and I saw/witnesses some scary stuff. It just doesn’t feel safe anymore.

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Re: For all you Pakistanis living in the West

I am sure that many of you have got stuck into different countries, but I think its better to keep some sort of contact back home. Maybe a visit is due for most of you. :wink:

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I would not say I feel stuck. I feel my parents made very pragmatic decisions, and I continued.

But home is home. As far as visit home being overdue, I agree and am going to see my folks in London next month. :slight_smile: