Mine is the same story, only the other way round...and i married mine. Im the one that does not like to talk about it, however he insists on putting in through the mincer, and if we havnt chewed on it long enough it gets put through the mincer all over again!!!!!!!
But we are married and happily so, albeit this issue pops its ugly head up now and again, it has got better with time i admit, but same as you, he always manages to turn it all around and make me feel guilty when the issue is about him.
A lot of work has gone into getting to the stage of trying to "cure" this behaviour, (he says its mine) up to the point of me saying i wanted out because i could not live like this anymore, i think that shook him, it wasnt meant to be a threat, i really had enough, sounds trivial?? believe me its not.
We both try to do our bit, but what comes as a norm to him will not change overnight. I have learnt to balance his good nature with this dark side, and come out with his good over compensates his bad