As a divorcee is it easier to find a prospective wife in Pakistan rather than in the US/Canada? What precautions should one take and what are some signs that the person may be a gold-digger? How do you find a decent girl in Pakistan and do they usually stay away from divorcees? Anyone have any personal stories or input on this?
I am contemplating divorce but I am in constant fear in how and when I will find another partner since I will be divorced. I have no kids but I am in my early 30's. Otherwise I am just your average upper middle class western (born and raised in US, university educated, homeowner)
Not to derail from the topic and the questions asked but since you’re not divorced yet and are still ‘contemplating it’, should you not work to fix on your marriage or at least end it respectfully before jumping into another relationship?
Relationships take work and effort and there should be a period after the relationship ends when you heal, learn from your mistakes/the experience and work towards being a better person for yourself which often takes plenty of time.
People in Pakistan and US/Canada marry divorcees. There are good and bad people everywhere. But before you go out and look for others, it’s best to see how much you can trust yourself before you can trust the other person.
Best way to find out if the other person is a gold-digger or not is to see if they have any ambitions, goals, drive for future success or a growth plan. Pretty easy to pick up in a few conversations as well. Ambitious people most of the time make their dreams come true while helping those around them and are usually in it for the long haul.
^OP has created threads in the past about his turbulent marriage. Lostone, you’re treating this mere contemplation of divorce as the green signal to dive into another relationship or at best fantasizing about one. Does your wife also want to call it quits? Look deep within you and ask yourself if you have genuinely given your marriage your best effort in trying to save it? Are there mistakes that you’re making on your end which is hurting the marriage? Have you seen a marriage counselor? Have you tried involving family to see if it might help with resolving conflicts?
I agree with Illuminate. First, decide whether you want to make your marriage work or if you want to end it for good. Divorces aren’t simple procedures. Don’t start a new chapter with someone else when you still have loose ends from a former relationship. As said above, officially end your current marriage before jumping into something new and allow yourself some time to reflect and introspect on the mistakes and the lessons learned from your first marriage…so that you don’t make the same mistakes in the subsequent relationship. If you think it’s harder to trust a woman from Pakistan, then why not search for a rishta closer to home…like in your city/start/country? That would make communication and meeting up easier …which facilitates trust.
It’s Ramzan, OP. It’s a month for self-reflection…for us to examine our character, our intentions, our failings in our interactions with others, and how we can make ourselves and our relationships stronger and better. It’s sad that anyone should think about ending a marriage at this time, in this month. Examine yourself and your marriage; think about what you want. Talk to your wife about how you feel. Pray that Allah guide you heart in the direction that is best for you.
If this was an attempt to advertise yourself as an eligible bachelor on a forum, it wont work here.
However, given that you are a US citizen, US educated, a homeowner and only in your 30s, should put you in a place where you will find plenty rishtas in US. I would suggest you stick to US when looking for a mate to avoid any disappointments and unwarranted expectations from either side. Considering, everything else is all hunky dory with you.
Is it just me who finds the term “Gold-digger” a bit disgusting? It feels like a inferior title for someone who might be looking for a better prospect. Anyhow, wut do i know!
No there is no sarcasm here. Most of the people look for something better. In old ages parents used to ask, wut does the guy do. How much he earns etc. Were they gold diggers too?
When a guy looks for some beauty in the girl, like i’m sure you and others have been posting, wut does it make them? Skin-digger?
that happens in an arrange marriage set up which is like a business contract, arrange marriages objectify people and dehumanize them. So yeah asking these questions would make the parents golddiggers.
that happens in an arrange marriage set up which is like a business contract, arrange marriages objectify people and dehumanize them. So yeah asking these questions would make the parents golddiggers.
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Aaah, so basically in non-arrange marriages there wouldnt be any “objectification” or “dehumanization” so the possibility of Gold-digging is totally eliminated, right?
See OP, our fella has solved your problem. The code has been deciphered. Go for a direct hookup and no chance of meeting a ‘Gold-digger’.
I think you guys are confusing 2 different things. If a girl or her parents asks a guy about his earnings, work etc then that wont make them a gold digger or anything, it is girls “right” to ask if he can provide for her or not, that is guys “responsibility/obligation” whereas asking for tall, beautiful, porcelain skin girl is just guys “preference” & there is a huge difference in obligations & preferences. Such questions, when asked by girls parents or a girl herself, aren’t “dehumanizing” at all, that is her right & guys need to understand that instead of labelling them as gold diggers.
Hmmm, okay, after doing some thinking I get what you mean…
Generally…
Men view women primarily as sex objects…
and Women view men primarily as “success” objects… and whats a good indicator to success? Money, How built/athletic you are, How intelligent you are…, how good are you at your craft to bring in the dough… You just have to be successful at something, that you have some redeeming quality.
I believe when it gets down to it, everything goes down to expectations each sex has for each other…
I believe the line in the sand is… defining what a gold digger is, a person who starts a relationship/marriage with the sole purpose to attain and bask in the other persons wealth.
Do men cultivate a relationship with a women just for her beauty and sex? Yup for sure… so to a degree men are “skin-diggers” as you say…
However, laws being how they are…in case of a divorce or even common law marriage, a women may get up to 50% of the mans wealth…while a guy won’t get to keep her beauty…hence the term…
It’s easier in Pakistan due to lots of available proposals. But as always in these matters, have to look/find suitable people carefully.
Proposals abroad are limited and its harder to truly know/find/check people’s backgrounds.
I?ve witnessed mixed results in finding a wife as a divorcee. Chances of success largely depends on where your network is stronger. If it is stronger abroad, chances of success abroad are better but if it is stronger in Pakistan, then chances of success are better in Pakistan. Here are some cautionary tales though:
I knew a guy living abroad who had married within relatives and then wife took divorce. His ex?s family poisoned his network in Pakistan so much that he had a really tough time getting married again.
Another person I know whose wife passed away, went to Pakistan to get married again after few years. He got married to a ?widow without children?. His network in Pakistan was lousy and didn?t do any investigation. Within a year of marriage it came to light that the woman was actually a divorcee herself with 5 children. He was already so exhausted and drained by then that he accepted it as his fate. The children eventually came abroad as well and would talk to their real father every now and then which emotionally crippled this person.
I’m wondering what Op’s reasons are for going to Pak for a wife. There’s nothing wrong with it, but if he’s so fearful of being taken advantage of then why not search closer to home? Does he think that the girls back home are more likely to posses certain traits? I dunno…this seems to have hasty written all over it; doesn’t seem very well thought out.
