With the current meltdown in the stock markets worldwide and the financial scandals rocking corporate America some financial terms have taken new meanings:
EBITDA: earnings before I tricked dumb auditor.
EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
NAV: normal Andersen valuations.
FRS: fantasy reporting standards.
P/E: parole entitlement.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
“BUY, BUY” - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane, or, the disappearance of your money.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-Eleven for toilet paper and cigarettes.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year’s investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God.
>> downrite stupid.
>>Put a smile on my face.
>> nice one! now I am laughing …
>> rolling with laughter.