After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had
saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a
bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him
into his office.
“Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that
you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved
later killed himself with a rope around the neck.”
“Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. James replied. “I hung him up to
dry.”
Barber: “Your hair is getting gray.”
Customer: “Try cutting a little faster.”
A woman was lamenting that she had gained weight. She’d made
her family’s favorite cake over the weekend, she reported,
and they’d eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half,
until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led
to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went
on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower,
and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband
said when he found out.
She smiled. “He never found out. I made another cake and ate
half!”
(women, women)
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a
large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get
his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, “Let me
through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
The silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a
complaint of pains all over her body.
“Be more precise,” he said. "So I can help you, try pointing
to some of the places that hurt.
The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said,
“Ouch!” then her finger to her hip and said, “Ouch!” and then
to her rib cage and said, “Ouch!” again.
The doctor stopped her and asked, “Were you a blonde before
your hair grayed”?
“Why yes!” she said excitedly, “But how did you know?”
The Doc answered, “Your finger’s broken.”