How do u stop feelings of attraction towards a person whom u knw its stupid to be feeling for as in they may be married, or they may be in a position of responsibility for u or i dunno watever reason. But these feelings we don’t put inside of us, they are in us from god so how do u stop that?
One way would be to move away from the person, simples, but my position im in now is that this guy works directly on the desk opposite to me. He is perfectly happy in his marriage and me in my relationship wid my boyfriend whom i intend to marry iA, but this guy is sooo good luking and i hate having these feelings for him. My boyfriend on the other hand i love because of his personality more than looks. The guy who i fancy at work is sumone who i wud dream about having but always thought it wud be too gud to be true if i actually found. Anyway that aside, My question is how to stop myself from getting these feelings of wanting to just stare at him all day. lol or the feelings of jealousy i get wen he chats to other girls. Arrggghhhh i hate myself for these feelings, but how to stop them? I really hope sum of u may be able to help me. thanx. xx
Re: FEELINGS......
You need to move away from his desk and stop interacting with him. It will help a lot, seriously.
Re: FEELINGS…
Isn’t it intoxicating ??? It is . . . don’t stop . . . enjoy till you can 
Re: FEELINGS......
Surah Al-Noor:
[24:30]
Tell the believing men that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts; it is more decent for them. Surely
Allah is All-Aware of what they do.
[24:31]
And tell the believing women that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts, and must not expose their
adornment, except that which appears thereof, and must wrap their bosoms with their shawls, and must not expose
their adornment, except to their husbands or their fathers or the fathers of their husbands, or to their sons or the sons
of their husbands, or to their brothers or the sons of their brothers or the sons of their sisters, or to their women, or to
those owned by their right hands, or male attendants having no (sexual) urge, or to the children who are not yet
conscious of the shames of women. And let them not stamp their feet in a way that the adornment they conceal is
known. And repent to Allah O believers, all of you, so that you may achieve success.
Re: FEELINGS......
Anybody ever notice how in the Life and Relationships forum......you get one thread on a certain issue.....and then it's only a matter of hours before more threads on that topic crop up? Like you'll get one thread on how an engaged girl is having issues with being attracted to another guy....and then another one like comes along....and then some threads about infidelity, lol. It's the same with the threads on in-laws. You get one...and then a few hours letter...some more thread on in-laws abuse pop up.
Re: FEELINGS......
HNS......I don't think you can "stop" the feeling from taking place. That attraction just takes place...almost instantly. It's a natural/innate thing for us to be attracted to someone good looking. It's one of those facts of life that seem harder to accecpt (as in it stings) when you're on the other side (as in when you see your SO having an attraction toward another person).
So, you can't really prevent the feelings of attraction from taking place......however you do have greater control in how you want to react to them. You can either feed/fuel these feelings by staring at your colleague....stalking him...thinking about him 24/7. OR you can choose to make more of a conscious effort to focus on other things.......to channel your thoughts in a different direction whenever he pops into your mind, etc. Even after marriage....you may find some guys to be more attractive than your husband....but it's about having the maturity to be faithful to your partner/relationship.
Just because this guy is good looking doesn't necessarily mean he would have made a compatible partner for you. It could be that you and your fiance have greater chemistry than what you and this colleage would have hypothetically had. You don't live with this guy in his home.......so even though he projects the image of having a happy marriage.........maybe the reality (behind closed doors) could be quite different.
Just don't act on the feelings and redirect your thoughts in a different direction.
Re: FEELINGS......
Don't you have a husband or boyfriend or a hobby to take care of such things?
Re: FEELINGS......
your fiance loves you and is a good man that treats you well, not everybody gets that or are lucky enough to have that. think about all the positive things about your fiance, what made you fall in love with him, all his good qualities, remember the first time you met him and how when you looked into his eyes, everything just instantly clicked and you knew he was the guy for you, even if he isn't as good looking as the guy you work with, your fiance did bring out that feeling of intense attraction in you right? think about those wonderful times again....you definitely need a reminder.
you're committed to him and made a vow to always be faithful to him. does he respect you, doesn't hurt you and cares for you like no other guy?
like RV said just think about how you would feel if your fiance was attracted in a lustful or even worse in a loving way to another beautiful woman, you would feel angry,betrayed, scorned right? put yourself in your fiance's shoes or your colleague's girlfriend's/wife's position and think about how you would feel then.
try your hardest to stay away from this colleague if you can.
Re: FEELINGS......
You drink alcohol. You should join me.
Re: FEELINGS......
LOL Pcg, unfortunately i dont, but thanx for the offer. Erm to the one that posted about wat the Quran says bout lowering my gaze, well if i passed him in the street yes, but bit hard wen he is sat slap bang in front of my face 9 to 5 and also the dressing moderately bit as well doesn't fit my situation because one its an office n we dress smart anyways and two im a Muslim, so im always dressed moderately, but still thanx for taking time out to post i appreciate it.
To RV and everyone else thank you so much. I think Rv u hit the nail on the head wen u said that just because the guy is good looking, doesnt mean that we would be compatible. So basically we cant stop from getting these feelings (Damn it) but to try to force oneself to think about all the good things i already do have in my life and be grateful. Tbh i think i knew all this but it just seemed hard and i was hoping for a simpler way out of the situation. oh well. Moving desks wont help cus we in the same team and we have to be sat together. Fingers crossed he gets moved to another team.
Re: FEELINGS......
I think people are attractive all the time.. its called complimenting
doesn't mean I'm attracted to them.
I just find them hot.. now does that make me shallow?
Re: FEELINGS......
dont blame God for this please
How do u stop feelings of attraction towards a person whom u knw its stupid to be feeling for as in they may be married, or they may be in a position of responsibility for u or i dunno watever reason. But these feelings we don't put inside of us, they are in us from god so how do u stop that?
One way would be to move away from the person, simples, but my position im in now is that this guy works directly on the desk opposite to me. He is perfectly happy in his marriage and me in my relationship wid my boyfriend whom i intend to marry iA, but this guy is sooo good luking and i hate having these feelings for him. My boyfriend on the other hand i love because of his personality more than looks. The guy who i fancy at work is sumone who i wud dream about having but always thought it wud be too gud to be true if i actually found. Anyway that aside, My question is how to stop myself from getting these feelings of wanting to just stare at him all day. lol or the feelings of jealousy i get wen he chats to other girls. Arrggghhhh i hate myself for these feelings, but how to stop them? I really hope sum of u may be able to help me. thanx. xx
Re: FEELINGS......
^You wat? Your saying feelings are not made by god? if it was upto me i wud wipe these feelings in an instant but i cant. I try and help myself by everytime i see this guy i think of all the lovely things about my own guy, but i certainly have no control over the way im attracted to this other guy.
RV can u back me up here, is it really my own fault that i feel this way? I didnt ask this guy to come n work opposite me, and nor do i wish for these feelings, of course if i was single u cud say maybe it was my wish 4 that situation, but i honestly cant say i enjoy the situation, in fact it is a horrible feeling wen u knw u are happy with sumone already. I feel guilty n bad bout the way i feel but that was why i asked the question in the first place how to stop feeling this way.
ShahreyarKhan i think ur wrong to say i blame god, i dont blame him, but i do think that it is from him that we have feelings and emotions of love, attraction, jealousy, anger or watever else. What is right to say is that altho he has given us these feelings he has also given us the ability to keep control over them and that is wat I am doing.
Ok i really dunno why im explaining myself in so much detail, i knw wat im talkin about and Ive already had the replies that i was looking for from ppl that actually understood my post, so thats all that matters. Ciao.
Re: FEELINGS......
^ you are completely confused -
feelings are Allah swt creating no doubt but while having a husband you have feeling for some other man that is NOT His fault. He did not put this feeling in your (one's) heart to have feeling for a namehram male.
by logic if He puts these feelings in your heart etc, then you shouldn't be held accountable for them -
so He does not put stuff in your mind to have feelings for another man, He does not put feelings in your heart to cheat, to have affairs, it is solely us and we will be held accountable for it
makes sense?