Do you have feelings inside your heart, which you feel difficult to share with your beloved ones ?
My heart bleeds to feel the warmth of parent’s smile (which I used to take for granted), to know if I ever made them proud (so many apportunities I missed), to say that living away from them is like a person in a dark cold island from whom all the warmth has been taken away…to insist that nothing is a better achievement for me than to live with them and serve them,.. to share with them my feelings of love which I shed at night in the form of tears…
BUT I can’t! because it would upset their dream of my completing docterate.
My heart asks me if I was a good brother to my siblings. Why did I use to have arguements and fights with them in chidhood. How dare did I ever bring tears to their eyes, why did I missed chances of showing my true love by my actions.
BUT I can’t appologise, they won’t understand as they have long ago forgiven and forgotten my mistakes.
My heart tells me to change few things in my nature to the way my fiance wants, to agree to her request of discussing nonintellectual and nonreligious issues,
BUT how can I say that I can’t completely avoid it as it is not in my control.
Most of such feelings would remain deep in my heart till I die. I might have to express them to my beloved ones at any appropriate stage of my life, but no one understands them better, except my Allah (swt), who never gets tired and bored of listening to his creations. He never misunderstand anyone’s feelings. He is always there when no one else is there to help. He would never mind even if we seek his help after we have been rejected from all those people whom we prioritized over His help.(unintentionally). He doesn’t make us embarrased before forgiving us. He would listen to all your feelings no matter how much disobedient you were.
It is the greatest blessing of Allah that we have someone like HIM with whom we may share all the deep feelings in our heart to achieve satisfaction, when it might not be possible to express them to anyone else.
Re: Feelings deep inside the Heart, left unexpressed
My siblings would think that I am crazy as I am talking about arguements and fights when we were below 13. By the grace of Allah nothing as such happened after that. But sometimes those images of childhood fights when comes infront of my eyes, it makes me feel unhappy and I ask forgiveness from Allah.
Well, I don't know if it is a communication problem. I feel shy is saying it to them. I know my parents want that I should complete my Ph.D in construction and transportation engineering in Turkey, after that I might come back and start my passion of Islamic studies course and live with them.
I think they know sometimes I miss them alot, I also told them a few times. I know they also miss me alot, but they advice me that such sacrifices should be given in order to achieve good status in society. The worst fear I have is that during this time if (Allah forbid) anything happens to my mom (who is diabetic) or my dad (who has high blood pressure) I might repent all my life for not being able to serve them, which is more important to me than having good job or status in life
Re: Feelings deep inside the Heart, left unexpressed
Yes, there are many things I feel I cant express to my family and loved ones.
I am not an expressive person by nature. Meaning I didnt grow up being all touchy-feely with my family or friends.
Because I know I have this huge short-coming, I try to express my thoughts in cards and letters. I find it great because my parents for example dont bring up the things I write in them, and I like it that way.
I have been wanting to apologize to my brother for something I used to tease him about and now he has Mash'Allah surpassed me in that respect. Really taught me a lesson, and as much as I want to apologize to him, I find it difficult to bring up something like that. But I think one day I will either write it in a card, or just give a blanket statement of "I'm sorry for the things I said to you when we were little."
There's no harm in expressing your feelings in writing if you cant say it in words. You can make the choice to go ahead and do it, dont prevent yourself from reaching out. If you really want to be an example for your siblings, you should start with yourself. smile
Re: Feelings deep inside the Heart, left unexpressed
Nice sharing sister. It reminds me of a sister in my neighbour's house, who lost her father in a plane crash when she was still in teenage. She wrote a poem which was also printed in the weekly magazine. In that poem she said that she was the youngest daughter of her dad and was very shy in kissing and hugging him, unlike all her elder sisters. Her dad knew that she was shy so he never insisted on kissing and hugging her. BUT after his death, she was feeling guilty. She kept saying that " Dad, please come back for once, I want to hug you and kiss you for once. Why didn't I overcome my shyness when you were around. Now I feel how big mistake I made, as I would never be able to hug you again "
My younger sister used to feel shy in kissing and huging my mom ( just like me), but after reading that poem, she took an initiative of starting kissing ami on the cheeks whenever she came home. In the beginning it looked different, but than everyone got used to it. I still feel shy, but ami always kiss me on forehead whenever I go home and baba hugs me.