Feelings and Emotions associated with ...d.d.d

[InToXiCaTeD]

Death?

This new thread “to pause life” drove me to open this thread, firstly because I believe I will get some different views off you people about our emotional attachment to this topic and secondly I want to know if I am weird for not having sad feelings and emotions associated with death?

So, ok most of the elders (close and distant) in my family who have passed away had a peacefull death (alhamdulillah), the most recent being the death of my great grandmother (bari naani). I heard this news from my mom on the phone and you know how it goes, you say the formal dua “Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaehi Raajioon” and I condoled my mom as obviously mom was more close to her having spent more of her childhood time with her than us siblings. But right after as we hung the phone I started cracking jokes with my younger brother about our late bari naani, that how we used to play with her and had fun with her and her habbits etc. My brother looked at me a bit strange and it was more like hun & haan on his side.

Now even when I hear about not so natural and peacefull causes of deaths, family or else, it has been very difficult for me to make a “required face” even in that sad environment and you know when you get to meet someone who has just lost a beloved/closed one.

There can be so many angles to look at death but we will see as we go on with this discussion.

I wonder wether all you people think it is weird not to feel sad, or there may be some who think its not weird!

[Daring_V]

Intoxicated,

Yes I can relate on some levels. It is rather easy for a person to stick to their own natural nature than to ‘make the required’ and much ‘expected’ face.
I wanted to make my thread comical, but I think the depth of the sorrow: its hitting me just now…therefore more of a serious tone about it, although inside my heart I’m calm and satified alhumdolilah because I’m hopeful and still praying from the ALmighty one above that inshaAllah: the one I’ve lost, my father, is in a better place. ameen!

You see, every single individual has their own way of coping with grief. For some ppl, their strength is their tears. They let 'um shed freely and they wear them proudly. For some, its hard to tear up infront of public but easier to cope with sorrow at such a situation by keeping the atmosphere light by cracking jokes, recalling the funnier memories.

We had a grand mix of beautiful varieties of personalities in the close family. There was one member, who only concentrated on making everyone laugh and yes there were moments, at end of the night that it seemed more like a happy occassion of a family get together. Yet there more moments like the tears ran so much that u felt we’ll all drown but alhumdolilah no wailing…all silent tears.

Its ironic and funny that you also come across some overly dramatic ppl, who for a fact you know that they don’t give two cents of their lives for you, but yet they squease the living day lights out of you when they are there to give their condolences and expect u to cry a river upon their shoulders, makes u go: like seriously buddy, do I know u? :aq: Ppl who rejoice in your moment of grief, unfortunatley this may seem offensive to say but when has truth ever tasted sweet? Not that frequently… These are the type that jump to conclusions and judge u every passing moment.

I for one, haven’t even figured out how to grieve, cuz its hard to cry… when I wanted to … ppl stopped me, so like what the heck yeah?? I was completely the dude in Elizabeth town, who’s dad passed away, and he was going about to ppl saying:“My condolences to u all” (but I’m not a dude)…instead of recieving their salutations, I was giving it to them so they don’t start crying or feeling obliged to feel too sorry… don’t know how to explain this bit, mostly cuz I’m lazy and I see this reply of mine is getting sooo long

My strength is to be strong for others around me… give them support and be there for them at this moment. To keep them alive and still kicking …to make them laugh even at the cost of stupid idiots thinking I haven’t felt the loss.

So yeah… never let anyone tell u no different, if u know that ppl are not appreciating ur sense of humour … don’t force it on them, its best to give them space, but with intimate family members, they’ll appreciate your happy memories, just like they did mine and still will inshaAllah … more u pay attention to the critics, the less u will feel like being part of anything.
Be urself…there’s no harm in it …

and lastly guys sorry if I’m not being funny anymore, I’m feeling truly bummed these days, so bear with me …

[Mirch]

Re: Feelings and Emotions associated with ...d.d.d

It is not who we loose , it is how important that person was in your life at the moment which determines the intensity of your sorrow.
Then everybody grieves in a different way. Some are introvert , they will grieve inside ,others are extrovert and grieve openly.
Some can relate to your sorrow and will grieve with you or for you other are totally clueless about how much you are hurting so will not show any emotions , others who have some vested interest in you will put a show just to make sure that you count them in.

[Daring_V]

Re: Feelings and Emotions associated with ...d.d.d

^Thanks for summerizing it Mirch. That certainly is true... because when u lose some one really close, there are sooo many emotions deep inside, that they feel like whirlpool inside ur head, U cry, u laugh... its amazing. But true, some can't do it infront of strangers. I would cry naturally whenever my immediate family gave me a hug...strange

[InToXiCaTeD]

@Daring_V

Intoxicated,

inside my heart I’m calm and satified alhumdolilah because I’m hopeful and still praying from the ALmighty one above that inshaAllah: the one I’ve lost, my father, is in a better place. ameen!

**That is the most important point for me not to be sad. It actually gives me strength. **

We had a grand mix of beautiful varieties of personalities in the close family. There was one member, who only concentrated on making everyone laugh and yes there were moments, at end of the night that it seemed more like a happy occassion of a family get together. Yet there more moments like the tears ran so much that u felt we’ll all drown but alhumdolilah no wailing…all silent tears.

:k:

Its ironic and funny that you also come across some overly dramatic ppl, who for a fact you know that they don’t give two cents of their lives for you, but yet they squease the living day lights out of you when they are there to give their condolences and expect u to cry a river upon their shoulders, makes u go: like seriously buddy, do I know u? :aq: Ppl who rejoice in your moment of grief, unfortunatley this may seem offensive to say but when has truth ever tasted sweet? Not that frequently… These are the type that jump to conclusions and judge u every passing moment.

You already said enuff about those kind of people. I dont wanna give that any more energy.

I for one, haven’t even figured out how to grieve, cuz its hard to cry… when I wanted to … ppl stopped me, so like what the heck yeah?? I was completely the dude in Elizabeth town, who’s dad passed away, and he was going about to ppl saying:“My condolences to u all” (but I’m not a dude)…instead of recieving their salutations, I was giving it to them so they don’t start crying or feeling obliged to feel too sorry… don’t know how to explain this bit, mostly cuz I’m lazy and I see this reply of mine is getting sooo long

Thats impressive.

My strength is to be strong for others around me… give them support and be there for them at this moment. To keep them alive and still kicking …to make them laugh even at the cost of stupid idiots thinking I haven’t felt the loss.

I think its one of the most important lessons one can learn in life that you dont give a s#!t what other people think of you as long as you know what you are doing. I mean think about it, most of our fears based on this idea “oohhh what would people think of me” and the fear of rejection that comes with it.

So yeah… never let anyone tell u no different, if u know that ppl are not appreciating ur sense of humour … don’t force it on them, its best to give them space, but with intimate family members, they’ll appreciate your happy memories, just like they did mine and still will inshaAllah … more u pay attention to the critics, the less u will feel like being part of anything.
Be urself…there’s no harm in it …

:biggthumb “Roger that” one already.

and lastly guys sorry if I’m not being funny anymore, I’m feeling truly bummed these days, so bear with me …

Hey, cheer up just think of those hugs you received from your loved ones and really imagine and feel them. it does’t just happen in physical world. It happens in mind too.

Thanks for that.

[InToXiCaTeD]

I agree with your post 100% looking from that specific POV.

@Mirch

It is not who we loose , it is how important that person was in your life at the moment which determines the intensity of your sorrow.

*Thats right. Thats what our senses tell us that we have lost this person. See that was the reason I mentioned in my first post (second last para) that there are so many levels to talk about death. I dont see death as a loss. Its a transformation of energy from one level to another (on scientific level). Then depending on your beliefs one can say that person is gone into a better place. Heck, in some parts of the world people even celebrate the death of their beloved ones...... and so on. *

Then everybody grieves in a different way. Some are introvert , they will grieve inside ,others are extrovert and grieve openly. Some can relate to your sorrow and will grieve with you or for you other are totally clueless about how much you are hurting so will not show any emotions , others who have some vested interest in you will put a show just to make sure that you count them in.