may be your married friends get envious on your friends' singlehoods :p
I used to think that to make myself feel better about my cousin, but I know i am not envious of my unmarried positions, unfortunalty. You can see the worry and the sadness on their face sometimes---> My friend sister is 27 I think and one day I saw her particulary sad, and I asked my friend why she was so quiet, and she said that it's her birthday and she turned 27 and she's sad that she;s still not married. I felt horrible, and gave her a NICE B-DAY PRESENT (COACH purse, single girls....write this down, how to get fancy presents from their friends!!) just so she'd be happy!!
I also feel bad when they're are like 2+ sisters and the older one needs to get married first so that the younger one can start getting her rishts. While older sister is taking her time, the younger sister is aging too, and her mom won't start looking for her rishtas cuz she wants the older one to get married first...complicated situation!!!
lol. today i think the the birth rate for guys is still slightly higher…
“Where are the boys? Right here in the U.S.A. where, for the 63rd year in a row, more boys than girls were born. Exactly 94,232 more boys than girls were born in the U.S. during 2004, according to a new Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report that examines total sex ratios at birth for over six decades. CDC calculates the total sex ratio as the number of male births divided by female births times 1,000.”
Its not that MEN are a rarity (although that might not be too far from the truth either)...educated and qualified men are a rarity. *Girls dont want to marry a guy just for the sake of marriage, they want more out of a relationship now. *
Women are climbing the corporate ladder and excelling quickly while men dont feel the need to go that far. I heard something like this a few months ago too...majority of the advanced degrees in the US are held by women now.
Those girls have many other options to lead a happy fulfilling life if they cannot compromise on their standards.
1. First of all their career should be a source of happiness and contentment for them.
2. They can have a pet for companionship. Those girls are looking for an obedient , compromising and happy all the time kind of companion and a pet can fulfill that need.
3. I will not go into the details of what they can do for their physical needs , these are family forums , you know.
No i don't feel sad for majority fo them, b/c most of them made the decision to hold off on marriage for career or education purposes. They decided what was right for them and are living with that choice, im sure omost of them dont feel sad so why should I?
Choti, I know what you mean but dont feel sorry for these girls. They are more then fine and really are not looking to be pitied.
I dont know anyone else's situation so Ill give you my example. Before I met my fiance, I didnt mind singledom...not at all. I came and went as I pleased, spent my money like I wanted, did whatever I wanted without any regard for anyone because my choices didnt impact anyone else. Some people would be sad about that but I thought myself lucky. I really liked my life and was happy with it and wouldnt have changed it if I hadnt met him. Ive been getting rishte since I was 15 and the LAST thing I wanted to do was settle down and succumb to the M word. Thats what I used to call it. Especially when it comes to gharelo jhagre and whatnot. Some of the Life1 threads still scare me silly but I keep telling myself to be confident and that Ill be fine.
The point is, these girls are happy. I was happy and the only time I thought about marriage was when the right person came along for me. Thats it. No, Im not a feminatzi. I can cook and do the whole nine yards (maybe not as well as some of our GS girls but I get by, lol).
The other thing is, when a girl works hard her whole life to get ahead and make something out of herself...she wants a guy who can appreciate that about her and share it. A woman who is well accomplished wants a man to be at the same level so there is something in common and a flow of ideas. Thats what I think. Its not all about money, but understanding.
Choti Jaan I am happy for the so called older unmarried women.
I find these women more mature, accomplished, content and confident, and therefore more alluring. Furthermore they know what they want from life and their subsequent marriages are often more likely to be successful and stable.
A 27 year women is still young in my opinion. There are plenty of unmarried men around that age and older, like myself who would gladly marry such a women.
To be forthright, I actually feel sorry for the women who marry young.
Yes it is a worry if you can’t find a suitable match and the relentless biological clock is ticking. But I personally wouldn’t be so concerned because I prefer a small family. Yes I would be anxious if my wife was approaching her mid thirties and we were still childless. But there are always alternatives such as adoption.
With parents who have had large families their last child is invariably born in their mid thirties. As is the case with my family. Choti Jaan to clarify, the risk of genetic abnormalities is the same for a first cousin couple* and for a women who gives birth at the age of 41. *Note if there is a history of cousin marriage within the family then the risk is alot greater.
It’s a lack of quality rather than quantity. Within the Pakistani community the males outnumber the females.
Biologically slightly more boys conceived in comparison to girls.
Female infant mortality rate greater than male (neglect).
Manipulation of child bearing. Last child will invariably be male.
The use of use of fertility clinics to have a sex selected child.
^ This is also a good point! I know a few girls who got married young and went through HELL with their husbands...Im talking about violence and abuse. They were too young to do anything about it, no job, education or career so they HAD to stay.
Here is what I think:
I think since we all look different from person to person...our paths will be different from person to person also. Just because someone gets married at 21 doesnt mean everyone else will or should. Allah swt has a separate plan for each of us, we just dont know it yet.
I think it's a desi mentality to think that once you hit your early 20s, you must be married and as you get older, people start with their haww's and start pitying the girl as if she has a disease or something. When she's destined to marry someone, she will, it's as simple as that. There's a time and place for everything. So what if they are in late 20's and not married? They don't have to be.
So many girls who I have seen get married in their late 20's and even 30's are happy. I don't see why the 'single' status of a woman is such a bitter thing for desis.
I think it's a desi mentality to think that once you hit your early 20s, you must be married and as you get older, people start with their haww's and start pitying the girl as if she has a disease or something. When she's destined to marry someone, she will, it's as simple as that. There's a time and place for everything. So what if they are in late 20's and not married? They don't have to be.
So many girls who I have seen get married in their late 20's and even 30's are happy. I don't see why the 'single' status of a woman is such a bitter thing for desis.
I absolutely agree with this.I believe everything happens as per Allah's wishes,and surely Allah knows the best!
I think it's a desi mentality to think that once you hit your early 20s, you must be married and as you get older, people start with their haww's and start pitying the girl as if she has a disease or something. When she's destined to marry someone, she will, it's as simple as that. There's a time and place for everything. So what if they are in late 20's and not married? They don't have to be.
So many girls who I have seen get married in their late 20's and even 30's are happy. I don't see why the 'single' status of a woman is such a bitter thing for desis.
True! Yeah my mom said that too, she also says that almost every girl eventually marries that wants to get married...it's all about patience.
. I don't see why the 'single' status of a woman is such a bitter thing for desis.
yeah, I;m not sure either. i guess it's bitter because for most of our mom's the only career was to be a wife and mom, and so they probably still have that mentality.
Most of the girls are single by choice, some i agree are not...
Dont feel sorry, most dont want your pity and the ones that say they feel bad about not getting married the best thing you can do for them is make them feel less that marriage is the only worthwhile accomplishment.
What you COULD do Choti is find out if your husband has a couple of brothers and help me hook some of these wonderful girls up!!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS WHAT I AM SOOOOOOOOOO PLANNING ON DOING for my cousin- like hook my cousin up!!! he doesn't have bros but he HAS A LARGE FAMILY. My mom made me promise that i'd look really hard for my cousin FIRST!!! I certainly will inshallah-- that was actually one of the reasons I married cuz he has so many cousins that he's close to!!!!
My mom it's swaab ka kaam! My cousin is really precious in our family. She's IS AN ANGEL!! And she has such a sad story-- he dad passed away when she was young, and he was a really wierd guy. She has no siblings. IT's just her and her mom.
Its actually quite sad how girls in their late 20s are seen as "too old to be unmarried, and looking to be married of ASAP", my cousin who is 28 just got engaged a month back or so, and i think she said yes out of pressure to get married only. Because the guy is NO MATCH for her, but her parents feel he's a good guy, and thats a rarity now so she should say yes. All of the siblings/cousins are nagging with "baji when will youu get married.." for years now so the poor girl just said yes.. :(
1) in some cases girls set too unrealistic targets, their list of must haves is very unrealistic. i look in a family, where girls of the same age group have very different experiences.
2) when we talk about guys not being as well qualified as early, that is true and its sad that it is made into an issue. first of all it is the degrees themselves..e.g. business degrees, some guys finish the degree and then work a few years before going for MBA. whether it is to position themselves for future or because they have immediate commitments to family etc so they need to work.
By the time guys finish that level of education, they are older, younger girls are not looking for someone 6 years older. the biological clock issue comes into play as well. so if a guy is 28 and wants to get married, and is thinking to wait a few years before starting a family, they may be matched up with someone in early 20's rather than late 20s. I am talking more about the arranged stuff, which i believe is still the vast majority of rishtas.
what ends up happening in many cases is that girls who get in late 20's or 30's have a much smaller pool of candidates, because guys that gae or a few years older are already engaged or married.
A good friend of mine is upset at me because I am not helping her find someone, however at her being 34, my friends in their mid 30's+ are married and have kids so what am I supposed to do?
lol. today i think the the birth rate for guys is still slightly higher…