yes that sounded harsh indeed....you could have said the same as in above instead of attacking my parents....I didnt reveal my personal story so that my parents should be attacked on GS later on...afterall they are my parents and I respect them.
but yeah I do get your point and have been thinking of the same ever since I got pregnant...and have succeeded in filtering my friendships and coming to peace with the fact that its better to have a few close friends that many rotten ones.....the fact they i dont have family around made me try to develop frienship with many nonsense people..but I am over that now....
It wasn't an attack--you posted it publicly, not shared it privately. and I'm glad you at least got my point.
Your first responsibility is to yourself, not to your parents or husband or in laws. If you're not mentally/physically/emotionally strong enough, that affects all your other relationships, and toxic relationships--be they with friends, family members or in laws--will do that.
People need to snap out of the thinking that in order to be a good mother/sister/daughter/wife/bahu, you have to be a "martyr."
Also, even if you do end up clearing the air with this girl.....I'd still maintain a distance from her. Your pregnant and when you have the baby....you don't need the stress from this girl to interfere with the more bigger responsibilities and priorities in your life.
couldnt agree more!! right now I just dont feel good that she thinks I said that all about her. I just want her to know that I didnt!!!and after that I have no intention of keeping her close to me. I want to focus on my own health and well being and my baby.
Its her loss that she will loose a good friend. you just dont act like that with people who are good to you!!!
It wasn't an attack--you posted it publicly, not shared it privately, and I'm glad you at least got my point.
Your first responsibility is to yourself, not to your parents or husband or in laws. If you're not mentally/physically/emotionally strong enough, that affects all your other relationships, and toxic relationships--be they with friends, family members or in laws--will do that.
ok it just felt like that.
Yeah I agree that one needs to be stable to be in healthy relationships....
Hmm, you know it just reminded me of an ex-friend. I had been friends with her for 2-3 years. We worked at the same place...and she had several positive qualities but the few negative ones were rather overwhelming. Anyhow, this particular friend could not give me the benefit of the doubt. She always assumed the worst. And it would confuse me because I'd think that she should know me well enough by now....to have greater trust in me. If I didn't show up because I was sick....she accused me of planning the absence as a way to sabotage things for her. Friends should be able to trust one another...give each other the benefit of the doubt....think well of one another...(at the very least communicate concerns calmly before jumping to conclusions)..and if this girl frequently jumps to negative conclusions about you...that means she doesn't think well of you....so she's not a good friend. Eventually I got tired of her behavior and just dropped her...didn't even bother to clarify the misunderstandings because she wouldn't listen to me, let alone believe me. It was very liberating.
Yeah I agree that one needs to be stable to be in healthy relationships....
after reading all the posts i dont think you need any sympathy... i agree with "redvelvet" you get over hurt...
plus i think somehow you have got yourself involved in this mess and it is your responsibility to clear up things whether you wana be friends with her or not.... as you said she never had a muslim friends before so you are the one setting standards for her... i think its your ethical responsibility to clear up with her... if she dont believe after all the efforts then so be it... but you cant leave this as it is...
Also you are confused in yourself and sorry if you think i am being harsh but in one post you said you consider her like your sister but then you say that you dont have to be friends with her etc etc...
if you do think her that close and care about this relation then i think you clear up the mess and make her realize that you are not at fault... but if you say you dont care if you stay friends with her or not then you never had any sincere friendly feelings towards your friends anyway... but whatever the case is i think you should clear up or atleast try ... and stop being hurt ... its a cheap way of asking for sympathy !!!!!
after reading all the posts i dont think you need any sympathy... i agree with "redvelvet" you get over hurt...
plus i think somehow you have got yourself involved in this mess and it is your responsibility to clear up things whether you wana be friends with her or not.... as you said she never had a muslim friends before so you are the one setting standards for her... i think its your ethical responsibility to clear up with her... if she dont believe after all the efforts then so be it... but you cant leave this as it is...
Also you are confused in yourself and sorry if you think i am being harsh but in one post you said you consider her like your sister but then you say that you dont have to be friends with her etc etc...
if you do think her that close and care about this relation then i think you clear up the mess and make her realize that you are not at fault... but if you say you dont care if you stay friends with her or not then you never had any sincere friendly feelings towards your friends anyway... but whatever the case is i think you should clear up or atleast try ... and stop being hurt ... its a cheap way of asking for sympathy !!!!!
Well sorry to dissapoint you but I didnt post here to get sympahty. just wanted to get things out of my system and aslo get some feedback from other guppies on how I potentially can deal with this situation.
Moreover I have NOTHING to do with the situation between her and the wife of the family friend other than I happen to know this girl and the wife wanted me to talk to her and called me. Despite all her accusations I did tell her that my friend isnt like that and if the wife still e-mails her stating that I have said that stuff i dont really see how I have involved myself in this mess!
With regards to looking at someone as your sister and than deciding that you dont have to be her friends anyway, its not like I or anyone else in my sitution have to stick to this for lifetime as one has to see what that relationship is bringing to you and to her. What I have realized through this experience is that she isnt exactly what I expected to her and I dont need to bring in that toxic relationship to my life at a time when I am expecting a baby and would rather focus on my baby!
If you think that one should stick to friends no matter what happens and no matter how they deal with you, you ca do that, but I dont believe that its healthy!
Let people say what they want to say just move on .Yaha koi kisi ka nahi banta now u have seen .Dont help her if she has some history of not having any muslim friends or what there is something wrong so you should have avoid her in first place.Just keep YOUR house save since i came to uk what i am being thought by my relatives is never to be involved with friends issue ,dont talk house matters with them like husband wife relation about ur own .
As ladies here in uk mostly try to ruin Your house by noticing stuff talking with each other and at the end of the day hurt you.AS iam new and they are living here for ages i follow there opinion bcoz i think they have got some points.So plz YOu also stay away from every one's matter just take good care of ur baby and InshAllah when YOUR baby will arrive u will have no time for these so called friends:) .It just your alone thats y .
Good luck.
Awww Chameli. Sorry to hear about your situation. I think that you have a sensitive personality, as I do too, so I understand. If someone thinks ill of me and blames me for something I didnt do, I also feel restless until I clear it up with them. You did the right thing by posting here on GS and taking it all out. That always helps!
However, I would also recommend to just let it go and not think about it. She is not worth your tears! If she was such a good friend, she would have clarified things with you first before believing others.
Also, I have learned through experience to never try to do favors to others until they ask for it or really really need (giving money to a poor and helping out is a different thing). Not many people appreciate unasked favors.
Additionally, i would say try to be friends with people who add positive energy to your life, not negative ones! Who needs the pain?!!?!
do not react to her email. You did the right thing by not emailing her back. I say that you call her and even if she did not pick up the phone, leave a message. Better yet, if you can meet her one on one, do that. The reason I am saying is
Nothing beats personal contact. Email cannot do the same job that personal contact can.
you dont want to put/say anything in writing because email can be forwarded to the other person and then that person will send you a nasty email
I knew that she wouldnt pick up the phone or meet me so I have sent her an e-mail explaining that this seems to be a big misunderstanding etc etc and that I feel very hurt that she didnt trust me or spoke to me directly before deciding to break all contact with me.
I dont think she will reply to my e-mail but at least I have told her my version of the story which she can choose to believe or not.
Now when I kind of over the hurtful chocking e-mail I received I have realized that Allah has His ways of protecting us. This girl wasnt what I believed her to be and perhaps I would be in even more grief if I experienced someting really bad with her later on. I am done with her..despite the fact that I still hope and pray that she will do well...
I do feel stupid that I didnt react on the signals that I was getting earlier on but we all learn from life dont we.......no more befriending ppl without being extremely critical...
