Feel disconnected from Allah or you feel like you have sinned way too much to be forgiven? Read this,I pray it helps you in getting closer to him(subhana Wahtallah)
Sometimes it feels like it’s just too much, these fluctuations in our iman, the repeated sinning, the feeling despair echoing “I just don’t deserve Allah’s mercy.” The tests always feel like punishments. There is a constant worry about the future: my marriage, my money, my career, my health, my status, my community my Ummah … furthermore some difficulties just feel too great to overcome. We know we’re not supposed to ask this, but the question in the back of our minds becomes, “Why me?”
We have all heard that we should never despair of Allah’s Mercy. On the surface, we try not to, but Shaytaan (the Devil) has a trick. We tend to despair at ourselves and our incapacity to change things, especially the inner turmoil that we feel. And the effect of this is basically the same as despairing of Allah’s mercy. We do not always accept that Allah can take us out of the situation we are in, that He isn’t punishing us and we aren’t expected to be flawless
This doesn’t mean, however, that we shouldn’t strive, or take ourselves to account when we do mess up. The key is to develop our relationship with Allah during that trouble. If we know Allah, no situation is too hopeless. No sadness is ever permanent. We perceive trials as they are meant to be perceived – as tests of our trust in Allah, forcing us to put our knowledge into practice and bringing us closer to Him. These trials could potentially be a punishment too, that is if we let it affect us negatively by completely turning away from Him because of our sadness. But our awareness of our own state and our understanding of Allah’s Mercy allows us to turn the punishment into something positive that is manifested through repentance to Allah, alongside increasing in hasanaat (good deeds) in order to erase the bad deeds.
The first exercise is for us to consciously realize that Allah knows. Whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there. He reminds us in the Qur’an,
"Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)
As long as we begin by recognizing that Allah is with us and He is close to us, there remains a solution to our inner worries. Allah being al-`Aleem wa al-Khabeer (the All-Knowing, the Aware), knows. He knows in His Infinite Divine Wisdom that when you look back and reflect on how lost and misguided you once were, and how He guided your heart to Him, your heart will fill and expand with so much gratitude and love for Allah that the tears that were elusive will flow automatically, uninhibitedly.
It shows you how far you’ve come and how far God can take you, if only you’d put your trust in Him and follow His ways. This is prescribed in the beautiful surah He revealed to reassure His ultimate slave and slaves of His love; of the fact that you are indeed under His Watchful Eyes, under His Loving Care. When you feel disconnected and unsettled, mindlessly drifting away from God, remind yourself of your journey. It will ground you; it will make you see that He has been there for you—with you—all along. All you need to do is let Him help you by following the way He prescribed. Allah says in the Quran
"And He found you lost and guided you.”
[Surah ad-Duha, 93:7]
We pray that by the time you are done reading this, you will all have developed a stronger relationship with Allah.
Your sister in Islam