My dad and i constantly fight, we cant have a decent converstion without hom putting me down somehow
My mom is too sick to comprehend, well, anything. Im praying for her to get better, but she hasnt made any improvement in a while
My husband and i - i feel like we are drifting- from my side anyway. He doesnt want to “talk” to me when i need him, he basiclly brushes it off. I tell him how i feel and he just tells me to deal with it or get over it and move on
The “new” “friends” ive made in the recent past dont talk to me anymore, nor do i hear much from the old ones. When ever i reach out, i get the generic “im busy” so i leave them alone. They lie literally to my face so i just stay quiet
Inlaws - ugh dont know where to start or end from with that
We are supposed to start trying for kids soon, now im not sure if i even want them. They will end up not loving me either, so whats the point ?
I am sooooo alone and i dont know what else to do except distance myself from everrrrrrrryyyyone and i hate hate it
Try therapy. You said your kids will end up not loving you either which shows you’re not thinking straight . The problems you’re going through are taking a toll on your mental health . Your husband is there for you. He isn’t ignoring you. If you want him to help you in a particular way, tell him about it. He won’t know it by himself. Don’t try for kids yet, you’re not in the right state to get pregnant and go through another roller coaster of emotions when you’re already going through one.
Your mental health is vital for your well-being as well as the people around you. Therapy could really help you. Try Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). It is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave. It’s most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.
May Allah (swt) grant your mother full recovery and give you peace of mind.
He is ignorimg me. When we talk about my mom for ex, he said to bracd myself for what can happen, the fact that she will most likely not get better and to keep that in mind. He said stop thinking that she will get back to her old self. When i need his support, and talk to him, these are the answers he gives me. Then he compares his mom to mine, who by the way is in great health, there is no comparison. She was sick a few years back and is fine now, bit nearly to the extent of my moms condition. My mom is basically bedridden and cant even go to the bathroom herself, for over a year now while his is mA independent enough where she can do anything on her own at home. Why compare like that? It hurt me sooo much when he said that. I asked, are u saying i should lose hope of my mom getting better? He said that if u dont see progress, then stop thinking she will get better. And then he gets mad that i get mad over his thinking
Reason i mentioned kids is, if my own family and friends dont care much for me, why would my kids? It makes me sad to think of that
First of all people on GS are your friends also and they are here with you, men think and talk differently and most men dont know how to be emotionally supportive so it is not he is not supportive, men just dont know how. We feel it deeply but we don’t know how to express it. A mothers sickness is a difficult thing to deal with. When my wife went thru tragedies I could not verbalise a lot of support but she knew that I am there with her without me verbalising my support. The bond bw a mother and a child is the most amazing thing and it is magical. The other day I was thinking that I am the one doing most of the care giving for my teenagers like buying groceries, cooking, packing lunches, taking them to practice, planning unis etc and still they show 100 times more bonding to her They come running down to give her hugs. We are in the same shoes as you and don’t get along with either side and I actually see that as a blessing. Do you work, do you have hobbies, can you join volunteer organisations, go running, go to the gym?
I will promise you this that you will be a great mother and your children will love you to pieces.
I’d say have a kid. All these thoughts about them not loving you or whatever will perish. If you want to know what true love is - have a baby. You’ll have company and enjoy spending time with a little human. And your husband will rather look for your attention once he sees you busy with the kid. But again, cannot guarantee the lack of post partum depression and whatnot.
I hope u r not always talking about ur problems with husband and friends
I do not know u or ur life . I feel i hv no place to comment on ur life. So if there is any chance that u are only talking abt ur problems then stop doing that . Just listen to others for a while plz. Do not depend on people to make u happy. Develop a hobby that u can enjoy by urself. Once u stop relying on people to give u company u will feel happy.
If i have said anything to hurt u plz forgive me
Why is it that your own father, husband, your in-laws, your friends, both new and old ones are showing a similar pattern of behavior towards you? Are you sure where the problem lies?
I hope and pray your difficulties ease off but sometimes the causes of our problems don’t lie outside, but rather inside us. The same can be said about the solutions which you might be able to find yourself once you have gone through the first stage.
Children are wonderful no doubt but if you add them to an already strained relationship, you’re not doing them any favours. They’re stressful and pregnancy in and of itself is a wicked emotional rollercoaster sometimes (as @LP said above.) If you feel alone now, that loneliness might feel more compounded as a new mother.
The above is sage advice. Particularly the bolded portion. We can only control our own actions/responses/behaviours. You might need to start looking at those things in yourself to ascertain why the people in your life might be moving away from you. Unhappiness has a tendency to be contagious and when people recognize it in someone, even a loved one, they might distance themselves.
Cultivate your inner self so that you are more at ease when you’re alone. It might sound strange but some solitude is essential even for extroverts. It doesn’t sound like you are comfortable with *you *but this is something you can work on and change! The things that worked for you for years might not be the way to approach what you’re dealing with now. Go outside your comfort zone and try something new (or half a dozen new things.) They probably all wont fit but you’ll learn about yourself, your reactions, and perhaps come away with a clearer idea of what you can do to work on becoming more fundamentally and fully you. Self possession is important. It gives us the backbone to weather emotional storms and we then don’t need to lean on other people quite as much.
No offence, but this is very old fashioned aunty type BAD advice.
I feel terribly alone sometimes and the fact i have 2 kids actually makes the whole situation worse.
I believe I feel more lonely now I have kids then before.
Yes you have “company” but it’s a child’s company. They NEED you and when a person them selfs feel needy of attention they will not want to be around another person who is also needy of attention too.
OP wants attention, she is not looking to GIVE attention.
When a person is feeling down and tired of theirs life the last thing they need is a crying, hungry baby.
Having kids is best when you are fully happy with yourself. Kids do not “cure” a husband wife realtion, nor do they cure depression or lonliness. They are a massive responsibility and should not be seen as a easy option to cure sadness.
Infact some “sane” individuals loose there minds after having children (postnatal depression anyone?) also, as silly as it may sound, some fathers can also suffer from depression after a baby as they feel sidelined or ignored. A once happy marriage can turn sour straight after a baby is in the picture, hence why so many people consider divorce after a child or end up having affairs.
The whole “have a child” advice is very bad and should not be given just like that.
OP, if you dont already then Why don’t you think of starting a career? Or join a hobby club? Get out and make new friends! Join a gym, that way you get a chance to meet new people and also work out, working out is good for the mind and body, something are lot don’t do enough of (especially the woman!)
You don’t want to get depressed as you are showing signs already… don’t lose hope.
When I feel alone I put my headphones on real loud and go jogging, it’s a temporary cure but it works for that time and helps me not “lose” it for the day.
I also do a lot of working out, whenever I feel like I’m going to scream I do ten squat, ten jumping jakes and ten burpees! I even do this at work, my work colleagues thought I was crazy when they first saw me do that, now they don’t even bat an eye!
I stopped telling my “friends” my problems a very long time ago.. i keep our conversations about me superficial and dont let them know what i am going through
I stopped telling my husband things after i noticed he would repeatedly just brush off what i would say
That’s my point, i DONT know where the problem is with me .. now i just life as it is .. when we see our “friends”, we talk, have a good enough time, and thats it. Theres no substance in it for me, its just timepass, whereas before i would be very open with them and try to hang out witht hem, and talk, Etc etc, i stopped getting that feedback, so i stopped with them too.
We don’t get along with desis, all friends here betrayed us, families tried to hurt us but we found passions and hobbies and rather than wasting our time we spend it in very constructive ways, could you spend your time taking some courses, going to gym, helping out by volunteering etc. We met the finest people thru activities, eating Korma and gossiping judgemental negative people aren’t worth the time.
People behave with people as per perceived value, enhance your value by displaying strength, confidence and happiness. Don’t display weakness and vulnerability. Wear nice clothes, exercise etc.
