So now i know a bunch of guys who seemed to be scared or phobic to the idea of marriage with their own reasons. Some aint ready others just think that women are some kind of churail (i think they read through life1 too much) and some others are just not serious or into settling down
so my question to guys/unkils/bratheran-e-gs is:
Have you ever been in that place where idea of marriage was a nightmare?
Why was it a nightmare to you?
How did the fear end and how did u end up committing? ( i know the answer:emmy: it was ur mommy joota mar you)
hey men don’t have exclusive rights to fear of marriage/commitment.
I was verrrrrry afraid of getting married for a lonnng time … esp to a desi man … so
1: not a nightmare but I did use to have gut wrenching panic about it.
2: I was afraid of being tied to a very traditional, very paternalistic … stereotypical Pakistani man. I also never was and never will be a believer of arranged marriage … so thoughts of that type of an arrangement used to throw me into absolute panic.
3: yes. Met the right man … (desi too :D) … he told me we were getting married, tell you parents so I said ok and did
4: nope … men are not bhoot nor women churails. Just human complete with all bells and whistles of human frailties.
5: so far .. no.
i have nightmares about marriage and i am getting married to a guy i can't survive a day without..he is my best friend! i still hv commitment issues...
Have you ever been in that place where idea of marriage was a nightmare?
Yup. Until the age of 25 I wanted to stay as a bachelor. Then at 25 moved to Darfur and realized that life sucks without having someone to share it with. Plus 5 years alone in Geneva didn’t help much with that either.
Why was it a nightmare to you?
The nightmare is simple. You can not depend on women in this day and age. Most women specifically Pakistani women do not view marriage with the notion of compromise. It is their way or the high way. This is based on some retarded notion that they must strive for feminism when they have never actually suffered any sense of discrimination. Most of the women I know come from middle to upper class backgrounds. Meaning Master’ degrees in the US and UK. Fluent in 2 or 3 languages and think they all deserve George Clooney as husbands even though they act and look like Cruella Deville. They believe the standards their fathers maintained at the peak of their career must be maintained at the level of newly wed husbands. A lot of it is also has to do with the mixture of East and West and how well they balance it. It leads to a lot of confusion in their minds.
I didn’t mention it here I think, we had a Pakistani girl in my duty station who visited and my friends want me to hook up with her. While they were doing what they were doing one of them asked her what kinda of man she wants. She said I want him to be religious and liberal as well. Both (not muslim) started laughing. One said so you want a half a cat and half a dog. Note the contradiction and most Pakistani women want that and believe it is attainable. You can’t have a man who prays 5 days a day, is a great muslim and yet will be okay with you leading a Western way of life. You have to choose and desi women are unwilling to do so. Additionally in the case they are unwilling to do so they rather get a divorce if necessary to maintain their independence and belief of self. Marriage for me is a one time deal. Divorce is only applicable of she cheats. The rest can be worked out on compromise. The idea of marriage doesn’t scare me as much as marrying an indifferent difficult woman who has never had to compromise in her life but carries a chip on her shoulder because of imaginary discrimination that has never happened to her but to other women in Pakistan.
How did the fear end and how did u end up committing? ( i know the answer:emmy: it was ur mommy joota mar you)
Have not committed yet.
Do u really think women are churail?
Nope. But they can be difficult and uncompromising. Second question has details.
i was always someone that believed that any relationship/marriage can be worked on, i know for a fact that i would be somebody that would devote my whole self to it, put my all in it, divorce or separation were never words in my vocabulary. but if i do end up being one of the unlucky ones that as much as i try to change and adjust the other person this heavenly partner in life is immature/uncompromising/disrespectful/hurtful.......God help me........after certain experiences in life i'm now a strong believer that if it's only one side that puts all the effort and the other side thinks he is perfect and there needs to not to be any change in himself, divorce is necessary for such relationships to keep one's sanity intact.
marriage to such uncompromising scary people is what scares the crap out of me.
my thinking has changed so much now from how it was before.
