I know guys get a bad rap for dragging their feet when it comes to actually making a commitment - they want to enjoy their days as a single individual and will put off settling into a relationship for as long as possible. I’m not sure that it necessarily applies as much to our Muslim boys just because the only way for them to halalify their relationship is to actually get married.
As a gal my reasons for prolonging my days a single person are different. I keep saying no to potential rishtas and my mum is now beside herself. She can’t understand why I won’t say yes when the guy(s) appears eligible on paper. We finally discussed it and I admitted that I’m terrified of saying yes and marrying the wrong guy. I don’t know how to convince myself to give the guy a chance and to put my heart on the line.
In an arranged marriage setting where the love comes after marriage, what if I never love him and forget about love, what if I never like him? Then I wonder, is it better to be single and not risk your heart or to take a leap of faith and trust that whatever comes was meant to be.
***Sehrysh , i have the exact same fears you do ! Especially when I keep hearing about all those horror stories of bad marriages that people tell you about and wonder whether it isn't just easier and safer to be single AND happy than married AND miserable !
Its reached the point of paranoia where now everytime I get a potential rishta I start looking for reasons why NOT to get married even before I've met the person or heard about him completely !
I think there aren't any guarantees and marriage is a gamble whichever way you look at it and the only thing one really can do is be the more positive person and expect good things to happen and make up one's mind to make a concerted effort to give your all to the relationship and leave the rest to God.
I have some great guys in my life (relatives/friends who are not marriage candidates) who prove to me on a daily basis that are some stellar guys out there.
The thing is, when I meet potential guys, the main thing I'm looking for is - can we be friends - and to date - I've never gotten that feeling. Sure, I've met some guys that I respect, but that comfortable friendly feeling has never happened to me. I have a friend who is always telling me that I'm great company, except when I meet guys for rishta purposes. She says I put up "barriers" when I meet these rishtas and I go into prim/proper mode (which is not necessarily who I am).
Among the guys your family approves, pick the best looking one.
You will be fine.
That's like saying, just go eeny-meeny-minie-mo - Jimmy girls are not that shallow - and read what Desi said - too much risk for guys using your approach.
I know guys get a bad rap for dragging their feet when it comes to actually making a commitment - they want to enjoy their days as a single individual and will put off settling into a relationship for as long as possible. I'm not sure that it necessarily applies as much to our Muslim boys just because the only way for them to halalify their relationship is to actually get married.
As a gal my reasons for prolonging my days a single person are different. I keep saying no to potential rishtas and my mum is now beside herself. She can't understand why I won't say yes when the guy(s) appears eligible on paper. We finally discussed it and I admitted that I'm terrified of saying yes and marrying the wrong guy. I don't know how to convince myself to give the guy a chance and to put my heart on the line.
In an arranged marriage setting where the love comes after marriage, what if I never love him and forget about love, what if I never like him? Then I wonder, is it better to be single and not risk your heart or to take a leap of faith and trust that whatever comes was meant to be.
***Sehrysh , i have the exact same fears you do ! Especially when I keep hearing about all those horror stories of bad marriages that people tell you about and wonder whether it isn't just easier and safer to be single AND happy than married AND miserable !
Its reached the point of paranoia where now everytime I get a potential rishta I start looking for reasons why NOT to get married even before I've met the person or heard about him completely !
I think there aren't any guarantees and marriage is a gamble whichever way you look at it and the only thing one really can do is be the more positive person and expect good things to happen and make up one's mind to make a concerted effort to give your all to the relationship and leave the rest to God.
That's like saying, just go eeny-meeny-minie-mo - Jimmy girls are not that shallow - and read what Desi said - too much risk for guys using your approach.
if your family approves some one, he must safe person to be with.
His family must be good etc etc.
Now why not have some one you like to be around more.
That's like saying, just go eeny-meeny-minie-mo - Jimmy girls are not that shallow - and read what Desi said - too much risk for guys using your approach.
Good on paper doesn't mean anything. There should be a SPARK, there should be POTENTIAL and POSSIBILITY of friendship, love etc.
It's your life - don't let other people's opinions influence you in making a decision that is not right for you
But how long can or should we wait - the biological clock is ticking away. And what if we don't recognize the spark when it happens because of this paralyzing fear of making a mistake.
As sibling you need to “sell” your brother’s great traits. You haven’t been around rishta aunties long enough to know this but spend one afternoon with them and you’ll be a pro rishta uncle
But how long can or should we wait - the biological clock is ticking away. And what if we don't recognize the spark when it happens because of this paralyzing fear of making a mistake.
Argh - why is life so complicated!
The biological clock doesn't start ticking at 18 or at 25 or even at 30. It is important who you have kids with not that you just have kids. (right?)
We would not do anything if we feared making mistakes. New jobs, New careers, moving to another state, having kids.
At one point you do your best and then have faith.
I don’t want to be accused of robbing the cradle 
i don’t have to worry about any of this!