Favouring boys

[redvelvet]

^ I second that!

I KNOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AGREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It can possibly be an effective way of catching them ketchup........I mean red-handed!

Hmm, I'm wondering if it would be more effective to place the cameras in other rooms of the house besides the living room where conversations/injustices frequently take place. The kitchen perhaps?

[Reha]

Re: Favouring boys

^ LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! You two need to have your own show!

[annymou5]

Re: Favouring boys

my brother is the only son and he complains abt the same thing :P ..... he is always like mom u r a girl thats y u take sisters's side and not mine..... he doesnt understand that when mom is taking our side its because we r right .....

well what my brother does is take my mom and dad to his room and lock the door so none of us sister would come in and interfere .... and he talks to our parents.... and explain them how he feels.....

u have to do this couple of times....... :)

hiding camcorder is not a bad idea ;) i do think abt it too ..... to record my brother's behaviour and show him later on when he is cooled down.... to make him realize how he behaves ;)

[notorious]

I once recorded my parents voiced during a fight. They always lie they didn’t force me in marriage while they did, they did many things and they deny that in front of other people.

They were once fighting again, so I recorded their voices. My mother always accuses me of things I never did of said. Like having had all kinds of boyfriends and in front of other people, she denies. But I do have that on tape now.

They always say hurtfull things, and then deny in front of everyone. My mother even said that I was caught in the kitchen with the brother of my cousin, I mean husband. Now it’s on tape that she said that. That was one of the important lies she often says in fights and then she denies that too in front of other people. Those are all terrible accusations and she knows they’re untrue, that’s the worst part of it, she wants to hurt me so she accuses me of the worst possible things in her mind.

I wish I could have bought a recorder when awful things happened during my marriage. One of the most awful things was, when the younger brother of my husband was telling me he liked me, was in love with me, that I was much more beautiful than his own wife, that he rather wanted me, etc. he said he didn’t care about the fact that I was married to his brother and that his own wife was in hospital, she was about to have their first child! They put her there weeks earlier, because there were problems. So his mother was in hospital with his wife and he came home earlier to go to hospital. I was alone, making roti, and he just shocked me when he said those things. He said nobody would ever believe me if I would tell anyone. I was already accused of things I didn’t even do, so I was afraid to say something to anyone. But months later when my cousin and I moved with his older brother and older brothers wife and children to another house, he argued with me and said my father was bad, he had done this and that in his youth, things I don’t even know they’re true or not, he kept saying I had bad blood in me, so eventually I cried that he should take a look at his own brother, who had told me while his own wife was in hospital for their first child that he liked me more than his own wife and wanted me, so who is the real awful person, who really has awful blood, besides, the blood thing he had said was ridicilous, since he is the son of my mother older sister, so my blood and his blood was the same anyway. First he believed me, he was angry with that brother, his parents came, they were all angry with me while I didn’t do anything but tell what their son had said to me, but they blamed me. They said that it was my own fault and that I was trying to let the brother argue! They all blamed me in the end. Then his mother said I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what had happened, but she called my mother and the rest of the sisters and told everyone lies about what had happened and accused me instead!

Whenever my mother really is angry, she tries to hurt me, she always tells the lie that I was “caught in the kitchen with their son”, while it’s not even true. It was me myself who had told everyone what the brother of my cousin, I mean husband, had said to me, I was never caught. Besides, there was nothing to be caught at, since I was only making roti and he was the one who was saying those awful things to me while he had no right to say those things to me! Most family members believed the lies against me. They all turned even more against me, while I didn’t do anything, I only reported the sexual intimidation, because that’s what it was, that’s what it felt like to me, I only reported what he had said to me. I didn’t do anything wrong and I told him off. But they all believed him, maybe because he’s a male and I only a female.
I wish I would have had a tape of his voice, while he was saying those awful things to me. That would take away the nasty accusations against me.

After I had opened my mouth and told my couhusband how his brother was after me, while I was making roti, not only did I get all the blame myself, but the marriage got even worse. This thing what had happened, made everything even more worse. I really wish I could have had that on tape, so I could have at least proof of my innocence.

It still hurts me, even today, it still hurts me that even the person I was given to in marriage, didn’t believe me. Once, because of anger, I wanted to take revenge and I said to hurt him, that I forgive his younger brother, because it’s so frustrating that he, the husband, didn’t even believe me while I was innocent. He mistreated me for nothing. I didn’t do anything wrong. I feel such hatred for him and his brothers, even today, after all those years, I still hate all five of them. I was innocent. this is so depressing

[mehroo]

Re: Favouring boys

^ oh-my-god

I feel sorry for you , dont know what else to say .

[RupayHalwa]

@notorious

I once recorded my parents voiced during a fight. They always lie they didn’t force me in marriage while they did, they did many things and they deny that in front of other people.

They were once fighting again, so I recorded their voices. My mother always accuses me of things I never did of said. Like having had all kinds of boyfriends and in front of other people, she denies. But I do have that on tape now.

They always say hurtfull things, and then deny in front of everyone. My mother even said that I was caught in the kitchen with the brother of my cousin, I mean husband. Now it’s on tape that she said that. That was one of the important lies she often says in fights and then she denies that too in front of other people. Those are all terrible accusations and she knows they’re untrue, that’s the worst part of it, she wants to hurt me so she accuses me of the worst possible things in her mind.

I wish I could have bought a recorder when awful things happened during my marriage. One of the most awful things was, when the younger brother of my husband was telling me he liked me, was in love with me, that I was much more beautiful than his own wife, that he rather wanted me, etc. he said he didn’t care about the fact that I was married to his brother and that his own wife was in hospital, she was about to have their first child! They put her there weeks earlier, because there were problems. So his mother was in hospital with his wife and he came home earlier to go to hospital. I was alone, making roti, and he just shocked me when he said those things. He said nobody would ever believe me if I would tell anyone. I was already accused of things I didn’t even do, so I was afraid to say something to anyone. But months later when my cousin and I moved with his older brother and older brothers wife and children to another house, he argued with me and said my father was bad, he had done this and that in his youth, things I don’t even know they’re true or not, he kept saying I had bad blood in me, so eventually I cried that he should take a look at his own brother, who had told me while his own wife was in hospital for their first child that he liked me more than his own wife and wanted me, so who is the real awful person, who really has awful blood, besides, the blood thing he had said was ridicilous, since he is the son of my mother older sister, so my blood and his blood was the same anyway. First he believed me, he was angry with that brother, his parents came, they were all angry with me while I didn’t do anything but tell what their son had said to me, but they blamed me. They said that it was my own fault and that I was trying to let the brother argue! They all blamed me in the end. Then his mother said I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what had happened, but she called my mother and the rest of the sisters and told everyone lies about what had happened and accused me instead!

Whenever my mother really is angry, she tries to hurt me, she always tells the lie that I was “caught in the kitchen with their son”, while it’s not even true. It was me myself who had told everyone what the brother of my cousin, I mean husband, had said to me, I was never caught. Besides, there was nothing to be caught at, since I was only making roti and he was the one who was saying those awful things to me while he had no right to say those things to me! Most family members believed the lies against me. They all turned even more against me, while I didn’t do anything, I only reported the sexual intimidation, because that’s what it was, that’s what it felt like to me, I only reported what he had said to me. I didn’t do anything wrong and I told him off. But they all believed him, maybe because he’s a male and I only a female.
I wish I would have had a tape of his voice, while he was saying those awful things to me. That would take away the nasty accusations against me.

After I had opened my mouth and told my couhusband how his brother was after me, while I was making roti, not only did I get all the blame myself, but the marriage got even worse. This thing what had happened, made everything even more worse. I really wish I could have had that on tape, so I could have at least proof of my innocence.

It still hurts me, even today, it still hurts me that even the person I was given to in marriage, didn’t believe me. Once, because of anger, I wanted to take revenge and I said to hurt him, that I forgive his younger brother, because it’s so frustrating that he, the husband, didn’t even believe me while I was innocent. He mistreated me for nothing. I didn’t do anything wrong. I feel such hatred for him and his brothers, even today, after all those years, I still hate all five of them. I was innocent. this is so depressing

Notorious, if you don’t let go of your past, u will be tormenting yourself and will never be happy. YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON. Decide what u want to do with your life, and go forward in that direction. You decide your life now, i know its not easy to do, but leave these people in the past where they belong. U need to move out of that place where u are, away from your parents, away from your cousins and everyone. Get a new set of friends and keep away from these people.

[choti_jaan]

I always feel that my parents favour my brothers. I am the only girl and it drives me crazy. My brothers always gang up against me and my parents usually take their side so I am alone. I hate it sooo much and it makes me hate my parents. I don't know what to do...

I'm the only girl of three bros, and yeah in my teens i felt that way too. My bros LOVED ganging up on me - and they would never do anything major, just little stuff that ANNOYED THE FIZZLES OUT OF ME!!! LIKES LOTS OF LITTLE STUFF!!!! Like one time, they all ganged up on me when we were playing a board game, or one they always try to steal my laptop, always take my pens, etc. And so when you complain, it just sounds dumb- like why are you complaining about a PEN?? fighting over A PEN??? So what if they're borrowing your laptop? ("THEY"RE NOT BORROWING< THEIR STEALING" my reply to deaf ears).

Or they would just make fun of me.

Now I think it's HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! looking back they said the most funniest stuff evER!!!! it's just something you have to live through. It seems like your parents are favoring your brothers, but the thing is since it's "little stuff" they do to you, they think it's not worth screaming over. I mean it's just a pen- if you know what I mean.

[Reha]

@notorious

I once recorded my parents voiced during a fight. They always lie they didn’t force me in marriage while they did, they did many things and they deny that in front of other people.

They were once fighting again, so I recorded their voices. My mother always accuses me of things I never did of said. Like having had all kinds of boyfriends and in front of other people, she denies. But I do have that on tape now.

They always say hurtfull things, and then deny in front of everyone. My mother even said that I was caught in the kitchen with the brother of my cousin, I mean husband. Now it’s on tape that she said that. That was one of the important lies she often says in fights and then she denies that too in front of other people. Those are all terrible accusations and she knows they’re untrue, that’s the worst part of it, she wants to hurt me so she accuses me of the worst possible things in her mind.

I wish I could have bought a recorder when awful things happened during my marriage. One of the most awful things was, when the younger brother of my husband was telling me he liked me, was in love with me, that I was much more beautiful than his own wife, that he rather wanted me, etc. he said he didn’t care about the fact that I was married to his brother and that his own wife was in hospital, she was about to have their first child! They put her there weeks earlier, because there were problems. So his mother was in hospital with his wife and he came home earlier to go to hospital. I was alone, making roti, and he just shocked me when he said those things. He said nobody would ever believe me if I would tell anyone. I was already accused of things I didn’t even do, so I was afraid to say something to anyone. But months later when my cousin and I moved with his older brother and older brothers wife and children to another house, he argued with me and said my father was bad, he had done this and that in his youth, things I don’t even know they’re true or not, he kept saying I had bad blood in me, so eventually I cried that he should take a look at his own brother, who had told me while his own wife was in hospital for their first child that he liked me more than his own wife and wanted me, so who is the real awful person, who really has awful blood, besides, the blood thing he had said was ridicilous, since he is the son of my mother older sister, so my blood and his blood was the same anyway. First he believed me, he was angry with that brother, his parents came, they were all angry with me while I didn’t do anything but tell what their son had said to me, but they blamed me. They said that it was my own fault and that I was trying to let the brother argue! They all blamed me in the end. Then his mother said I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what had happened, but she called my mother and the rest of the sisters and told everyone lies about what had happened and accused me instead!

Whenever my mother really is angry, she tries to hurt me, she always tells the lie that I was “caught in the kitchen with their son”, while it’s not even true. It was me myself who had told everyone what the brother of my cousin, I mean husband, had said to me, I was never caught. Besides, there was nothing to be caught at, since I was only making roti and he was the one who was saying those awful things to me while he had no right to say those things to me! Most family members believed the lies against me. They all turned even more against me, while I didn’t do anything, I only reported the sexual intimidation, because that’s what it was, that’s what it felt like to me, I only reported what he had said to me. I didn’t do anything wrong and I told him off. But they all believed him, maybe because he’s a male and I only a female.
I wish I would have had a tape of his voice, while he was saying those awful things to me. That would take away the nasty accusations against me.

After I had opened my mouth and told my couhusband how his brother was after me, while I was making roti, not only did I get all the blame myself, but the marriage got even worse. This thing what had happened, made everything even more worse. I really wish I could have had that on tape, so I could have at least proof of my innocence.

It still hurts me, even today, it still hurts me that even the person I was given to in marriage, didn’t believe me. Once, because of anger, I wanted to take revenge and I said to hurt him, that I forgive his younger brother, because it’s so frustrating that he, the husband, didn’t even believe me while I was innocent. He mistreated me for nothing. I didn’t do anything wrong. I feel such hatred for him and his brothers, even today, after all those years, I still hate all five of them. I was innocent. this is so depressing

Notorious…Im sorry to hear all this. It sounds so horrible and you’ve had a terrible time I can tell. Here are a couple of things you should think about:

• Its over. Its done. Its gone. You’re away from all those horrible people and things will get better, Inshallah. They can only get better after this.

• Never let your anger get the better of you. It always puts you in even more trouble then you started with! Walk away for the time being and deal with it when you have cooled down if you’re too angry to talk it out.

• RH made an excellent suggestion. Move out for a year or two. Stay close buy though and spend some time with yourself. You need that.

[notorious]

I moved on a few times. But some persons won't let me. They often keep talking about the past, accuse me, blame me, the female. Sure, I've probably made a few mistakes as well, but why blame everything on me?
I keep getting trouble because of things that happened years ago. Many people won't allow me to move one.

And certain things of the past, are too painfull to forget. Especially because I didn't get many nice memories. When you go through something terrible, and people help you, support you, believe you, and afterwards you do have a pleasant life, then it's easier to forget, because time replaces unpleasant memories by pleasant. But after all the problems of that marriage, which I didn't even want in the first place, I had no support from my family members, they were pushing me, accusing me, etc. Life still wasn't very pleasant.

Only nowadays it's becoming pleasant, because now I'm in my own home, only with my children. We do things together we like, we enjoy at home. So, even when people do become nasty, at least in my own home I can have a nice time with my children.

I'm trying to move on and get used to nasty way a divorcee is treated in society. Trying to get a diploma and work. And I'm going to find myself a younger husband, if I really find a younger guy, I don't care how many years younger he is than me, I'll marry him insha Allah.

[notorious]

Re: Favouring boys

And when you are accused of something you didn't do, people can't say, forget that, because that negative reputation sticks with you. You are forever remembered for something you didn't even do. It's difficult to move on without having cleared any past misunderstandings.

If I wouldn't have listened to my parents, if I would have ran away before that wedding, my life would have been so much better. I could have married someone of my own choice, someone outside family so everyone in my family would help me in case of problems. I shouldn't have listened to my parents. I don't nowadays.

[redvelvet]

I moved on a few times. But some persons won't let me. They often keep talking about the past, accuse me, blame me, the female. Sure, I've probably made a few mistakes as well, but why blame everything on me? I keep getting trouble because of things that happened years ago. Many people won't allow me to move one.

And certain things of the past, are too painfull to forget. Especially because I didn't get many nice memories. When you go through something terrible, and people help you, support you, believe you, and afterwards you do have a pleasant life, then it's easier to forget, because time replaces unpleasant memories by pleasant. But after all the problems of that marriage, which I didn't even want in the first place, I had no support from my family members, they were pushing me, accusing me, etc. Life still wasn't very pleasant.

Only nowadays it's becoming pleasant, because now I'm in my own home, only with my children. We do things together we like, we enjoy at home. So, even when people do become nasty, at least in my own home I can have a nice time with my children.

I'm trying to move on and get used to nasty way a divorcee is treated in society. Trying to get a diploma and work. And I'm going to find myself a younger husband, if I really find a younger guy, I don't care how many years younger he is than me, I'll marry him insha Allah.

Notorious, THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE IS........YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!! And that too for the BETTER.

You CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT CHANGE how other people are going to ACT or THINK. Keep in mind that many of the stupid ideas that are held by people in our culture (and other cultures as well before i get accused of desi stereotyping) are sooooo deep-rooted that they have been passed down from generation to generation and transcend even education and class at times.

HOW are YOU ever going to change all the NEGATIVE IGNORANT MENTALITIES that have existed long before you were ever born? The point is you CAN'T CHANGE them! You're not going to win in that regard. So, why waste your energies even trying? Bottom line you can't change them. You CAN"T change your Parents, or your Husband, or the PAST!

BUT you can change YOURSELF and the WAY YOU REACT TO THINGS!!!!!! They've already HURT you so much, why are you giving them the POWER and SATISFACTION of hurting you even more. You know people say that the best revenge is HAPPINESS.

MOVE ON with your life, act like your happy........and BELIEVE ME, that's gonna HURT THEM (even if they don't show it). Make the effort toward new beginnings. You should be proud of yourself, MashaAllah that you have already started to improve your life. Instead of focusing your energy on all the bad memories.................try to CREATE NEW HAPPY MEMORIES for yourself and your CHILDREN. Put on a smile for your children and help create happy moments with them that you all can enjoy remembering.

Lemme tell you a true story. I know this really pretty girl with a Master's Degree who got a rishta from this Jungli looking guy whose family claimed to be so sophisticated and religious as they had once lived in the Middle East. The girl got married to the guy.......and the marriage was a nightmare. The girl's nand (sister-in-law) was sooooooo devious that she would snide remarks and try to create problems between the girl and the rest of the in-laws. I've even heard that they were involved in some kind for freaky voodoo behavior such as placing blood splattered shalwars on her bed. And everytime the girl was sleeping at night, her inconsiderate husband would be on the Internet.
And here's the BEST PART........the husband told the girl that she could visit her mother and brothers for her BIRTHDAY. So, she went to go visit her family.......and on the same day, on her BIRTHDAY......the guy and his family delivered the DIVORCE PAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The girl was devastated. She felt her reputation was ruined. She was in so much pain and that too over a guy who was such a LOSER!!!!!!!!!! THe girl was scared becasue she was already in her late twenties and thought that becuse of her age and now her divorced status........she would never get married again.
AND GUESS WHAT? The girl had NEVER WANTED TO MARRY THIS GUY. BUT HER WIDOWED MOM PRESSURED HER and so surrendered to family wishes.

Now let me tell you about the guy. See, it is rumored that the guy had already planned to give the girl a divorce before marrying her. SO IT WAS ALL A PREMEDITATED PLAN. See, the guy was already in love with his cousin from before and was not into marrying anyone else. It is even RUMORED that the guy's mom was a controlling woman who in reality NEVER wanted her sons to "leave" her and thus was too insecure of them getting married to anyone.

Anyhow, the guy got married AGAIN!!!!!!!!! And this time he got married to an UNEDUCATED girl who was ALSO VERY BEAUTIFUL. At the time of the proposal, the guy's family was FULLY AWARE that the girl was uneducated and poor. But after marriage the guy's family mad the girl's life MISERABLE. They kept ridiculing her for being UNEDUCATED AND POOR. Can you believe their arrogance and stupidity. NOW THIS POOR GIRL TURNED OUT TO BE VERY CLEVER. She started having doubts about her husband and his PSYCHO family.....so she SECRETLY got in touch with the guy's FIRST WIFE......who told her everything!

After learning of the HORROR the first wife went through.........this poor and uneducated girl had the COURAGE to GIVE THE GUY A DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And this girl lives in a very old-fashioned and conservative part of Pakistan where Divorce is highly INTOLERABLE!!!!!!!!! And yet she gave him the DIVORCE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW that is a great example of WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you about the first girl. She changed her attitude after the divorce. SHe forced herself to be positive. And now she's married to a VERY LOVING HUSBAND, who although has an 8-year-old kid........they're sooo happy together. And soon she'll be moving to Canada with her family.

As for the guy, last time I heard, he tried to get in touch with one of his first wife's relatives and express his DEEP REMORSE, PAIN, AND REGRET. And I've even heard that the guy's father lost his mind and roams the street like a lunatic.....but that could just be a rumor. I doubt the controlling mom would allow her husband to make such a spectacle of himself in public.

Listen, Notorious. Thank Allah for the divorce and relief from your toxic husband. Thank Allah for the separate home you have. Thank Allah for your two HEALTHY children. Thank Allah for giving you the courage to start over. And start developing a positive attitude.........because you may not believe it but you have A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR. When you thank Allah, HE GIVES YOU MORE. And for HIS SAKE and the sake of your children.......stop dwelling on the past and move on to make better memories. Your children deserve a happy and emotionally healthy mother. If you want to get married again, then be happy. No guy is going to want to marry a woman who is soo depressed. Be happy, be positive, and that way you'll attract happy and positive people. Don't care about people who are NEVER going to change. LET ALLAH DEAL WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Monk]

Re: Favouring boys

We were 5 brother and one sister.
Sister was like a princess. No one could ever no to what every she said/asked.

[PhatBalongri]

taveez nikalna hai kia?

OMG you are hillarious!

[blushing_vision]

Re: Favouring boys

Girls and boys are equal, should be brought up equally and loved also, but when the topic "freedom" and "jawan hooyeing" arise then parents naturally become overprotective with their daughters. They are scared thats why but yes, many many parents love and give their sons more attention which is sad :( they can do anything while the daughter has to even serve him and do everything till her brother gets married.

[hareem01]

Re: Favouring boys

mahiya_f
Are you the youngest in your family? If not then there's no reason to cry and blame your parents and brothers. You're being touchy and that's why I don't like touchy girlz, I mean I was like that....annoying and hyper sensitive and spoiled little thing.