I know this thread has been opened before…but this is kind of the same issue, but in more detail. So I know that some parents have favorite children…how do the non-favorites deal with that? I know someone who has three daughters and she favors her third the most…and she totally ignores or fights with the first child…everyone’s personalities are different and need to be dealt with in a different way. Some children will make their space while others will wait until their space is made for them. What should those children do if they are the non favorites? Don’t they have hurt images? How can someone fix that and make themselves not feel for that? I know her oldest child is very rebelious and it is kind of sad…How do you guys deal with that as a an adult or even as a parent???
Re: Favorite Child
well i think the whole idea is to 'make peace' . i personally think it's close to impossible to hav ur parents mould to ur ways, it is definitely a lot easier to mould urself to their ways... you dont always hav to be agreeable, but theres ways u can work around it
i think the non-favorite child should work hard-er to gain affection/ attention. try doing things the way ur parents want/expect from u... like cleaning up after urself/ dressing up/ waking up earlier/ helping around with extra chores/ ... anything that gains u attention! n then again.. they're ur parents! u cant really be a "non" favorite child! parents just hav different ways of showing their affections and all kids are different, and some need more tlc and are more prone to being hurt by the unintentional, insensitive wrath of their parents!
i dont really think it's all that hard to please ur parents. most is all in our heads... when it doesnt take much from goin to being the least fave child from the most, it definitely doesnt take more for going back to it :)
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u cant really be a "non" favorite child! parents just hav different ways of showing their affections
That is what I think, among my siblings each of us can point to the other one and say oh this one got something I did not get and thus this one is favourite, whether it was more freedom to go do whatyou want, more spending on study abroad programs, more trust in managing family assets, or more say in general family affairs. But I think teh variance was based on time and place and conditions and the person themselves.
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^ precisely
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i can understand that...but how do u make a 10 yr old or a 15 yr old realize that?
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Probably by assuring the kid that parents do not love him any less. Just that sometimes misunderstandings emerge between parents and kids. And at times if the kid feels he's been handed unfair treatment parents have a sound reason for handing it out. Basically tell him that he needs to occassionally step into their shoes for a change. And if the feeling linger then forgiving your parents for these little wrong judgements should not be hard for a loving child.
My two , i think very nakis, sikas.
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I don't think a 8 or 10 year old will realize that their parents still love'em just to a different degree or for a different reason. I think they only come to terms w/ it after they have grown up.
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15 is a sound age
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I dunno about the 'mold yourself to please your parents more' part. Every person has their individual characteristics. Why should they change themselves because their parents prefer the child who is one certain way? Are the other children less worthy then? And it's often not about cleaning the room, doing the chores, etc. It's about the personality. I know a family where the son is the youngest of 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls) and he is the favorite child and also the most spoiled little brat I have ever seen. His personality is also very different from that of his siblings. I don't think the children should try to change themselves. They should stay true to themselves and, if possible, 'make peace' by accepting their personalities are different from those of their parents, and finding a way to be happy with the way they are.
Quite frankly, its the fault of the parents for letting their kids know which one is the clear favorite. It causes jealousy, insecurity, lower self-esteem, etc etc. It is the responsibility of the parents to treat ALL their children fairly and equally. Obviously one will get away with things the other wouldn't, but that usually evens out, because then the other gets away with other things. The sad truth is, there are too many people out there who know everything about procreating, but nothing about actual parenting.
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^ i totally agree with that!! but like u said some parents are totally lost on parenting! i meant moulding urself to ur parents more in a context where u please ur parents on ur own part... and not turn into one of ur siblings!
like parents would find individual faults in u.. plus the ones where u do this, while ur sibling does that in a wayyy better way! so skrew that one, n just fix the one where ure solely at fault..
i think that's easier b/c if u dont bend backwards to please ur parents, they'll read u as being incorrigible... and that just worsens ur stand! it really is a lost battle trying to make urself shine as super-child when u know u just cant be the favorite! like def leppard wud say... 'u can hav a change of heart, if only u wud change ur mind...'
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Very true I totally agree- parents just have different ways of showing their aaffection
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read what to do about grandma...see above
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I agree with Syani1
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i personally think that my mom and dad prefer my brother over me becuz hez younger.....and spoiled...so he can get away with a lot more stuff than me and i get in trouble more often...so i stopped trying to be the favorite and i think itz better becuz i have more space while he on the other hand is always with a parent. i can be alone...so im happy like that
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^you are a smart girl. i like the way you look on bright side and it *is *a brighter side
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so what if two daughters and always favored one so noticably....for example Daughter A: mother sacrificed by moving for her studies, gave her bigger wedding sets (noticed by inlaws of daughter B), and the mother would always yell at daughter B when Daughter A would cry whether it was her fault or not. And then the mother started on food matters....when daughter B wanted something and so did daughter A she would give daughter A bigger portion (not meaning that she ate more or that there was nothing else to eat)......Then the mother is always comparing daughter B with someone she doesn't like...like oh ur being selfish like so and so....what to do in that situation?
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This is a truly difficult thing to manage. As a parent of 3, I can say that I love all of them so very much, I'd give my life for them. I do not love one more than another but I do love them each for the different little people they are. And they each get the same physical things. But what they all want and need the most is attention. This I try to divide equally but its not possible since number one son has troubles. Thats been an issue. One that makes my middle son think that he may not be as important to me. So he can get a little bit bratty (but truly not TOO bad). Youngest is just happy with whatever and whoever comes his way lol. Anyway, its a constant heartache and a constant battle to keep all 3 feeling secure in the absolute and unconditional love that I have for each of them. I think its probably the same in most families with more than one but maybe more pronounced in mine due to the issues we have with eldest....but its my fondest hope that my 3 grow up as the 3 musketeers and are secure knowing how very much they are each loved.