Re: father revealed about my brother's gambling to my ILs
thanks a lot for your replies.
my fil is so tensed ever since he had the talk with my dad. he is upset for hia nephew.but also seem stressed for my well being.
i am supposed to move back to my parents in a month until the delivery as my inlaws are going back to pak and my husband is goigabroad for work purpose. now my fil told my husband tht it will be a bad idea for her to move there as there will be non stop fights and i get overly emotional to the point tht i cry hysterically all night until i cntbreath. i know my parents home mahol, with my dad in depression , even a small issue end up in my dad hitting himself and there is loads of tears. Plus my parents tell me all details on phone despite my husband politly requesting them not to call me for each issue as it affects my health. if i dont hear my father out and dont side him then he says that his only good daughter has left him too.
i dont know if i should go there, or should i just stay up north by myself. i wouldnt know how to avoid the emotional trauma during the 3 months time.
now my husband and fil are both scared saying my emotions will damage the baby mentally.
You are not responsible for your brother's behavior, and there is nothing you should be ashamed of. Make dua for your child, and do the right tarbiyat, in sha Allah he will turn out fine. And I agree with PCG, keep an eye on him, dont give him complete freedom. But dont suffocate him either.
I think its a bit irresponsible of your father to cry out to you, even though he knows that you are pregnant and knows that you get upset easily. So I think its best if you dont go.
I know your father must be a great man and everything, but its so unfair of him to blame the rest of you for the way your brother turned out. And now when every thing has gone out of hand, instead of finding a way to solve all the problems, he is mourning and want others to mourn with him. He is the one responsible, he should have given two jootay to your brother the day he found out about his drinking problem.
Re: father revealed about my brother's gambling to my ILs
You are not responsible for your brother's behavior, and there is nothing you should be ashamed of. Make dua for your child, and do the right tarbiyat, in sha Allah he will turn out fine. And I agree with PCG, keep an eye on him, dont give him complete freedom. But dont suffocate him either.
I think its a bit irresponsible of your father to cry out to you, even though he knows that you are pregnant and knows that you get upset easily. So I think its best if you dont go.
I know your father must be a great man and everything, but its so unfair of him to blame the rest of you for the way your brother turned out. And now when every thing has gone out of hand, instead of finding a way to solve all the problems, he is mourning and want others to mourn with him. He is the one responsible, he should have given two jootay to your brother the day he found out about his drinking problem.
as it is unfair that her father blames her mom and them for his brother's behavior, it is equally unfair blaming the father for his son's behavior. This giving two jootay thing doesn't work. Children can get rebellious and get into bad habits even more.
Re: father revealed about my brother's gambling to my ILs
as it is unfair that her father blames her mom and them for his brother's behavior, it is equally unfair blaming the father for his son's behavior. This giving two jootay thing doesn't work. Children can get rebellious and get into bad habits even more.
If you give them two jootay early on, then they get the message that their behavior isnt acceptable. And he rebelled anyway, didnt he?
Re: father revealed about my brother's gambling to my ILs
If you give them two jootay early on, then they get the message that their behavior isnt acceptable. And he rebelled anyway, didnt he?
So, what are you trying to say? that if you give jootas to your kids or you are too strict with them, then they will surely turn out well? That doesn't happen that is why i said it doesn't work.
Also, we don't really know what steps OP's father had taken to prevent his son from going on the wrong path, so blaming him without having this knowledge is wrong.
Re: father revealed about my brother's gambling to my ILs
So, what are you trying to say? that if you give jootas to your kids or you are too strict with them, then they will surely turn out well? That doesn't happen that is why i said it doesn't work.
Also, we don't really know what steps OP's father had taken to prevent his son from going on the wrong path, so blaming him without having this knowledge is wrong.
Balance is the key. Sometimes you do everything right, and still everything goes wrong. I agree, its unfair to blame to her father without knowing how he brought up his son.
Re: father revealed about my brother's gambling to my ILs
ps/my fil is my dad's brother.
my brother has always lead a messed up life and given grief to my parents.with the constants issues he has made for our family , we sisters have no much respect left for our brother but due to our father we try to bare him. our father ultimate solution is to blame my mum and us sisters regarding my brother behaviours.
fast forward the past 10 years, now at 27 he is addicted to gambling and drinks and we fear he takes drugs too. he is skinny as hell and his health is always at risk.
myhusband who is my cousin knows everything but we both managed well to hide everything from my husband parents. now dad told it all to my fil and my mil was listening. i felt sooo ashamed. i dont know how to meet eyes.
i am pregnant with a boy and i fear my little one will go after my brother. my mum.father was a gambler and when my fil heard about my brother, he told my dad that its just the same thing that my mum's father used to do and that my brother is gone after his maternal grandfather
now im scared for my son. im scared of the future.
i.so wished my father had kept me in mind ebfore telling my fil.
im so scared and ashamed in front of my.inlaws, esp my mil. my fil is still within faimily but mil might tell her own family.
Mashallah, He is 27.Your fam. is not responsible for his acts.Paisa pyar aur nasha mardana shouq hain.