Re: father disclosed my personal matter to family friends
So you were fully aware that your father has a habit of mentioning personal family matters in front of everyone…..yet you still - for whatever reason - decided to share a personal matter with him and though he would keep it private?! What on earth led you to believe this even though you knew that’s not his personality?
It’s not that you could not say anything to defend your husband or stand up for him…..you CHOSE to sit there and listen as everyone else called him nasty names. Just like you CHOSE to stay quiet when your family called him nasty names within the home. By staying quiet the first time in side the home, you sent a message to your family that you’re going to sit there with your mouth shut when they disrespect your future husband. And by staying quiet in front of your family friends….you sent that exact same message. So yea…..it’s pretty much guaranteed that these family friends will continue to make nasty comments b/c after all…….it’s not like you’re going to say anything back to them. You’re like their punching bag.
How about your learn to stand up for your future husband….especially once he actually becomes your husband? If you already know these people are going to be rude to him and insult him….why would you agree to go to their houses? You’re an adult….ready to be someone’s wife and potentially mother. Act like it! Act like a grown-up and say a firm “no” to situations where your husband will be treated badly.
You wrote that “in the end, I need a person who respects me and who I can respect ”. Do you even know that it means to show respect for your life partner? Part of “sticking to him despite all the issues” is taking a stand when others call him nasty names and not putting him in situations where you already know he’ll be insulted. The nikah hasn’t happened and you already know this battle will continue. So if you’re choosing to marry him while after knowing all the drama….then be willing to stick to him and stand by him 100% of the time….even when he’s not there in person.
I chose not to say anything because at that time i did not want to embarass my father in front of outsiders by shh-ing him. I am trying my best to be good to them now. However it was a good lesson for me to be carefull next time. I will need to learn how to balance the parents and the husband whenever needed.
And just as I know how to show respect to my parents , i will know how to show respect to my husband iA. I am not perfect, but i did realize how important it is.